Not Another Self Insert
by StrangerEmotion
Summary: AU where Spike sires someone who changes the course of his unlife in both subtle and dramatic ways. In so doing this small change ripples out to effect the entire Scooby Gang, and the rest of the 'verse.
1. Prologue

**Not Another Self Insert**

**Prologue**

* * *

_Honey, you're familiar like my mirror years ago_

_Idealism sits in prison, chivalry fell on its sword_

_Innocence died screaming, honey, ask me I should know_

_I slithered here from Eden just to hide outside your door_

**From Eden by Hozier**

* * *

Not all monsters step out of the pages of fairy tales, indeed, some exist side by side with us... Some wear a human face, are possessed of a human mouth, through which they speak such sweet lies. It's those that are the least distinguishable from human which are the most dangerous. By that same token, some of the most monstrous looking demons have a greater sense of right and wrong than do some humans. But try explaining that to the most hard headed Slayer to ever grace the planet.

"This is a new low, even for you, Spike." The Slayer spoke, her voice ringing with such self assured rightness that it seemed she had a birthright to it. "She's only a child. Who turns a child, Spike?"

Spike paced back and forth, while still protecting his charge with the set of his chin and his readiness to take the pain of the chip firing. "Your precious Peaches for one!"

Buffy blushed an angry red. "He's not- We broke up. He's not even in Sunnydale anymore."

Spike gave her a sad, almost understanding look. "It doesn't matter how far away they are though, does it, Slayer? They are in your blood now. Swimming in your veins. Making unlife worth living."

"What do you know of living, Spike? All you do is kill." Buffy growled, upset that the monster had found a chink in her armor.

Spike chuckled, stepping closer to the girl standing behind him. "Not all, Slayer. I can also love. And protect."

Before Spike had come to Sunnydale to bag his third Slayer, he had stepped into a little bar in Texas. An innocuous action, for a vampire, as it was a popular feeding ground for the undead. There he had spotted a girl that shrouded herself in silence and hid herself behind a cherry cola. Being the only child in the bar, however, made her stand out a wee lil bit. Spike saw her look up at a man that was fiddling with the jukebox, and he recognized that look. It was the same look Dru had when she had her little moments of clarity. When she could remember with perfect clarity what her "Daddy" had done to her.

He had felt a pain in his chest just looking at the lil bit. Dru would have wanted to eat her and, for the first time in a hundred plus years, Spike wanted to do something that would go directly against her wishes. He would get someone else for Dru to eat. This one was his, he knew it instinctively.

In all these years he had never felt the urge to sire. Sure, he'd made plenty of minions, but they were hardly worth mentioning. Most times he ended up staking them himself. This girl though, she made him feel like they had always described. When Angelus had spoken of the destiny of his meeting Drusilla, when Drusilla had said the same of him, he hadn't really understood them. He knew what it felt like to be sired. The look in her deadly eyes as she backed you into a corner. The sharp sting of her fangs. And the first taste of her blood. What the Japanese would call the red strings of fate.

And so he had followed them home. Snuck around the house to watch the so called adult making moves on his sweet girl. He didn't even know her name and already he felt like ripping that blokes head off for touching her. His eyes had flashed gold, but he waited patiently for the girl to begin crying softly alone in her room. He couldn't get inside the house without her permission.

He tapped on the window as he lit up a Morley, the light or the sound would get her attention. She looked up, eyes glistening, from the bed. But she didn't scream. She walked over to the window, and creaked it open just enough to speak.

"You were at the bar. Why did you follow me home?" She was well back from the window, so he couldn't just grab her. Besides, she wasn't just a meal.

"I am the Angel of Death. I'm here for that scumbag you call a step-father. Invite me in and I can take care of him for you."

"Why does the angel of death need an invitation?" She looked at him skeptically, taking in his punk rock attire.

"New protocol on fulfilling vengeance wishes. Speaking of which why isn't one here by now? Lazy, bloody, vengeance demons. Oh, sod it all. I'm a vampire, pet. Just let me in, all right?" Spike blew out a ring of smoke that went into the room. The girl crinkled her nose and brushed the smoke away.

"Promise me something, Death. Don't take my mom. Don't hurt her in any way. Absolutely do not kill her. Once you make that promise I will extend my invitation." The girls doe eyes regarded him seriously.

"It's a deal, Bambina."

She rolled her eyes. "You may come in."

He opened the window the rest of the way on his own, and climbed inside. "Where is he?" Spike listened for the heartbeats, the closest one was hers. And two fainter ones, side by side.

"You should kill him in a way that it looks like he killed himself." She looked darkly sadistic for such a small thing. "Suffocation. And then make it look like he was 'enjoying' himself."

He looked back at the young woman and was surprised to see her relaxing back into her bed like she hadn't just said something extremely peculiar for her age group. "I won't bother asking how you know that."

He left her to do her dirty deeds. Keeping up his promise not to hurt her mum. He had a soft spot for mums. And not in a creepy way like some vampires.

The girl provided him with the cum, which he again turned a blind eye to, and they set him up in the tub, his hand clenched around his phallus.

They set outside on the porch when they finished the scene. "Either way, this is going to hurt your mum. You know that right?"

"It's too late for regret. He isn't going to be a problem any longer." She looked up at him with a shrewd expression. "What I wanna know is what this will cost me from you?"

"I will make you like me. Not tonight. I have to find something for Dru to eat and then hide out for the day. And you need to stay here and deal with the aftermath."

The girl looked to be thinking about what he said very carefully. "Why?"

He didn't need to ask for clarification. "Because you remind me of someone. Because I saw something of me in you, and something even more beautiful, something that was just you. Someone with a brain like yours would be wasted on a mortal."

"Fine words. Of which I have heard more than a few. All I really want to know is if you are at all like he was."

He stood up quite suddenly, towering down over her, but she didn't seem scared. Even after what he had just done to her step dad. "No. Now go in and get some kip. I'll be back tomorrow night."

But she wasn't there the next night. She must have gone back to her dad's while things were being investigated at her mum's house. He found a diary in her room, which was empty, but had her full name and address on it.

It was around midnight when he finally found her house. She was still outside though, like she was waiting for him. She had a cat in her lap and a dog at her feet. "I wondered if you would be able to find me. So I left you a note. Sort of."

She laughed and looked up at the stars, clear in the sky. "I didn't think it would take so long. My ass has gotten cold sitting out here."

For a moment he thought of just letting her go. Letting her live just that little bit longer before finding her again. But Dru had brightened up considerably at the thought of a "little sister". She had almost seemed like her old self for a moment, before the mob had hurt her so badly in Prague. In the end, he would do what his woman wanted.

"Is there anything you would like to take with you?" He spoke somewhat seriously, he knew this was going to kill her in some ways. Just like it had him. He briefly recalled how his own mum had completely transformed. But he wanted her with him too badly to stop his course.

"What will I need as a vampire that I cannot just take?" She pet her animals calmly as she spoke about dying. "Did you notice? They aren't afraid of you."

He set down beside her and let the cat sniff him. "Neither are you. Why aren't you, by the way?"

"It's senseless to be afraid of Death. He'll come and take you, whether you are ready for him or not. Until then, you have an eternity between each second before he does." She pulled her hair to the other side and bared her neck. "Does it scar? I know it will probably hurt but does it leave something permanent on your skin?"

"Not if I turn you right after. And seeing as how I don't plan on using you as a blood bag there is little chance of scarring. And I apologize in advance, but it will hurt."

And then she was quiet. The animals fled her lap as he leaned in to drain her. Right before her heart stopped beating, he offered her his blood from his wrist. She curled up on the damp grass as she fed from him. As her eyes fluttered closed, he heard her say goodbye. But he wasn't quite sure what she was saying it to, him, her life, or something else entirely.

When she next opened her eyes, they were in Sunnydale. When he ran over the sign, that must have jarred her awake. "Hungry, pet?"

She shook her head no. "Thirsty though. My throat is on fire."

Drusilla was cooing over her, playing with her curls. "Pretty William, she's perfect. He couldn't have known you look like my sister. She was dead long before I met him. Buried in the dirt with the worms. He wouldn't let me bury you."

"That's cuz she's not your lil sis, Dru. Plus, we have to get this Slayer's blood so you can be well again. I hate to put a fledge in danger by bringing her anywhere near a slayer, but needs must. I can protect my two girls s'long as they keep their pretty little heads down."

"Can I drink from you again?" She spoke as they roared down the road. She was between him and Dru. She nicked his neck before she had yet to get permission. He allowed it, mostly because he was driving and he didn't want to endanger either of them by trying to restrain her. Most fledges didn't want blood from their sire anymore after they had been sired. Particularly if they were humans anywhere nearby to eat. She drank slowly from him so he barely felt the pull of it. But it reminded him of when he first gave her his blood. She had been much the same then, as if afraid to hurt him.

"What shall we call her, My Spike?" Dru spoke as if she had just delivered the girl as a baby.

The girl finished drinking from him, and he felt a little faint so he found a warehouse to park in for the night. He needed to go out and hunt. He turned the engine off and laid the front seat down so that the car made a decent sized bed. He pulled a blanket out of the boot and set Dru up so that she would be comfortable. "While I'm hunting, I'm counting on you to stay here and look after Dru."

"Of course I will." She spoke, "You kept your promise. I shall keep mine."

He left them slightly worried, but he needn't have worried at all.

Back in the present, he kept his body between his childe and the slayer. Even though his childe had a better chance at taking on the slayer than he did at the moment. He was embarrassed to admit that she was looking after him much more than he was her these days.

"Your name is Buffy, right?" His childe spoke without fear. Most vampires had a healthy fear of the Slayer. He didn't, and she had inherited that lack of fear. "Haven't you done enough? You paralyzed him, but I helped him get better. And then he helped you take down your boyfriend. Dru left him because of something she saw in your future. She isn't only crazy.. something she saw about you two caused her to leave him. I don't believe it was really the truce. Not that I can get him to believe it. And now you accuse him of being a pedophile when he saved me from one. He has honor. I know you can see it, so it's about time you acknowledge it."

"I'm being lectured by a 14 year old vampire." The slayer sounded much aggrieved.

"I'm only a year younger than you mentally, possibly older, given your black and white views of the world." His childe stepped out of his cover. "I have never fed from a human. Riddle me that, Slayer. How does that mesh with your worldview."

"What do you feed from then? Blood bags you steal from people who need it? Too cowardly to hunt a human?"

"Spike was right. You do twist anything and everything to fit your view of the world. By the way, Angel kept blood bags in his fridge… ever wonder where they came from? He couldn't always stay on the pig's blood diet. But why bother talking about Angel? Except I had a nip from him once."

"You WHAT?! Why did you go near that wanker when I told you to steer clear of him?"

She stuck her tongue out at him. "I take after you a bit. Never doing exactly as I'm told."

The Slayer looked perplexed. "You feed on vampires? That's just weird."

Spike chuckled, "I guess I just couldn't wean her. Feel like quite the wet nurse sometimes."

"So, you see, Slayer. She's more kosher than I am." He spoke as the Slayer stood flabbergasted before them.

"What do **you** eat now, Spike? What's she **feeding** you?" Buffy interrogated him.

"I feed him blood bags I nick that are just past expiration for use in a human. Then I mix it with some fresh pig's blood. Add a little Weetabix for texture and burba weed for flavor." His childe spoke as if discussing recipes with the Slayer. "He's still a bit grumpy about the fare, but it's the only inn in town that's serving him, so he can't complain… much."

"Were you the one who took out Riley's men last year?"

"Technically, I only walked back home with groceries for Spike. They attempted to ambush me, and I defended myself. They weren't expecting me to use their weapons against them." His childe smiled proudly, "Did it work?"

"They were.. still alive... but hurting." Buffy conceded.

"Ah, well, all's well that end's well then. It was nice to meet you, Buffy."

"Wait just a minute. Who said you could leave?" Buffy demanded, grabbing her arm. Just then a green light flashed all around them. "Dawn expects you at her party, you know. Have you even thought of buying her a present?"

"You expected me to? Just because we look the same age, doesn't mean we will suddenly start sharing stories about boys and painting each others nails." His childe quipped, a quirk to her smile. "Alright, alright, I'll go after nicking something from the mall. It's not like she will know the difference."

Buffy frowned, but couldn't say much. It wasn't like the girl could get a job while being permanently 14 years old. "Fine, just don't be late because you had to snack on some unsuspecting vamp."

"I much prefer my sire's blood anyway. See you soon, Buffy."

I tried on a few shirts, and some bad ass looking boots, and walked out with them. The shirts were for Dawn. The boots were for me. Spike looked disapprovingly at my boots. They had crosses on the toe, and the heel was also a cross. "What is with your cross obsession?"

"I don't know, Spike. What's with your Slayer obsession? And you know I don't mean just killing them."

He peeled out of the parking lot. "Are you implying that it's the same?"

"Partially." I smirked up at him. "Where were we in my lessons again?"

"I got you a computer, what more do you want? Can't you look up anything you need on there?" He whined, or whinged, as he would say.

"Not without an internet connection. Which, I don't know if you noticed, the crypt doesn't have." I sighed, "We get TV and electricity but no internet. So, I must rely upon you for my data mining needs."

"Fine, but only till we get to the Slayer's house. Then I'm going back to the crypt. I taped Passions, and I know you don't want to watch it with me-"

"You get all angry and weepy, it's embarrassing." I said, but I was smiling fondly.

"So," I say as I take off the spare shirts, "Which of these do you think Dawn will like?"

"Definitely the purple one." Spike spoke without really looking at them. "She likes purple."

"It has a Dalek on it."

"Even better!" Spike smiled broadly.

"The Dalek's saying: CELEBRATE! CELEBRATE!"

Spike began laughing. "Now it's just perfect."

"Alright, we're here. Are you gonna wrap those?" Spike asked, pointing at the shirts.

"I didn't steal any wrapping paper or tape… so no."

"No need to get snarky with me, young lady." He smirked at me.

"You should come in and say hi to the birthday girl. I think she likes you… Did you see her wide eyes as you fought Dracula?"

"And have Harris fly off the handle upon seeing me? Thanks, but no thanks."

"I thought you got a kick out of that?"

"It's losing it's novelty."

"It's weird that he acts so violent towards you, when you've been helping them more and more lately," I pouted, displaying a rare amount of immaturity. "Anyway, I'm off to eat cake and be merry. Have fun bawling your eyes out."

"See if I pick you up now." He threatened.

"You will." I spoke as I shut the door to the car loudly, announcing my presence to nearly everyone on the street. I skipped up the walkway, toting the shirts under my arm. I was dressed somewhat eccentrically, with the boots on. A regular t shirt, and shorts made the boots look a bit weird. But I was already committed since I left my other shoes in the car, and the car was already roaring away. I lifted my fist to knock and the door was pulled open to reveal the witch.

"Hi," I said casually. "Buffy invited me."

"Yeah," She said with some confusion. "Nice boots."

If I could have blushed. I would have. "I just stole them today."

"They look good on you. Aren't the zipper pulls crosses, as well? How does that work?" She stepped back to let me in. I stepped across the threshold with no problem.

"Very carefully." I smirked upon seeing everyone sitting in the living room. "Mrs. Summers. So good to see you looking well."

I genuinely liked Buffy's mom. She had always been kind to me, perhaps because I seem so unassuming. "Same goes for you. I heard you had to take on Dracula last night."

"I didn't do much. Spike showed him the door, figuratively speaking. I just had to convince him it was the right thing to do." Dawn was smiling at the mention of Spike so I greeted her. "He said Happy Birthday. He wishes he could be here but he has to… not be here."

"No, it's cool. I get it." I caught her looking at my bundle, that I had completely forgotten about.

"Oh, these are for you. He said you'd like the purple one." I dropped the t shirts on her lap.

"Thank you, really. You didn't have to get me anything. But you did." She smiled while reading the captions on the shirt. I tossed another one I pulled out of my jacket at Xander, one of Buffy's friends.

"It's not even my birthday." He laughed, seeing an angry Nick Fury staring back at him.

"Well, consider it a bribe then. Be nicer to Spike, and you can call it your birthday whenever you'd like." I looked over at a quiet Tara, something was bothering her.

"Something the matter?" I asked, sitting down next to her as more gifts were being piled onto Dawn.

She shook her head, as if clearing them of cobwebs. "It's N-nothing."

"I'm sure that isn't true."

"Everyone's auras show signs of tampering. But at the same time, my memory is saying that they haven't changed. Is my perception wrong... or?"

My brow creased; Tara was always worried that she couldn't trust her own judgement. "I think you should say something to Mr. Giles. This sounds like his kind of thing."

"What about me?" The stuffy englishman asked, no longer talking lowly with Joyce.

Red, as Spike calls her, came over to sit by her girlfriend and hear the latest Scooby mystery. "Tara, you never said anything to me?"

"I j-just noticed it." Tara looked completely overwhelmed with all the attention she was receiving. "It's like a schism in your Auras, mine too… They don't look fully together, almost separating entirely in some cases. Except for Dawn's. It looks like a normal Aura."

"Why everyone else except for me?" Dawn asked.

"Just be thankful… this could be really bad. I'm glad whatever this is didn't get you involved." Joyce spoke to her calmingly.

"I agree. Nobody touches my sister." Buffy crossed her arms and posed very commandingly in front of the group.

My mind was racing, trying to figure out which memories were true, and which were false. Nothing at all seemed out of place. Normal life until Spike turned me, or maybe it wasn't so normal but it was my life. How am I to know now what is my real life, and what these… mind changers… made to seem like my life?


	2. Chapter 1

**Not Another Self Insert**

**Chapter 1:**

**Pre-prologue?**

**The Flashback Chapter**

* * *

_I'm hummin' like a revved up truck,_

_nevermind the odds I'm gonna try my luck._

_Just tell me when you've had enough._

_I'm dangerous 'cause I'm a fool for love._

**Lord Huron - Fool For Love Lyrics**

* * *

My first year as a vampire was… interesting to say the least. Spike was on his quest to get help for Dru's failing health in any way he could. I was playing nursemaid to her, and taking care of her pets so they didn't die of starvation. Spike had no patience for it. Plus, bigger fish in the form of the Slayer. I was expressly forbidden to go near the Slayer, or her friends, or her kid sister and mom. And especially forbidden from going near her tortured love interest.

I couldn't do everything he said, I had to test my wings if I ever wanted to be able to fly. So I broke one eensy weensy promise not to go near Angelus. Or, as he was going by then, _Angel_. Emphasis completely intentional.

He somehow sensed my presence before I could reveal myself in the spooky but awesome way I had intended. Which completely sucked because I had the perfect line for the occasion but couldn't use it because it would sound really strange after what he said.

"You're an Aurelian, and from my line too. Which means either Dru or Spike sired you. The bloods too strong to be a minion. I'm thinking Dru, right? You look like one of her creepy dolls."

He wasn't wearing much, which set my fangs on edge, but I chose to overlook it for the time being. "I hate to disappoint."

Angel looked really shocked by that. "He never seemed the type."

I gave up the little standoff and sat down in some chair that I just knew he didn't buy. "Who'd you kill for this chair? It looks like it's Chinese. Visit China recently?"

He stepped back as if struck, I had found his shame chair. The room was probably full of things he had taken from victim's homes to feel sad about. It was some grade A narcissism. "Not since the Boxer Rebellion."

"Refresh my memory, when was that again?"

"About 1900. Give or take a few years." Angel tried to sound unfazed by this discussion of his past. "I didn't kill him. They were killing each other... I just found him dying and… sped up the process."

I looked away as he began to look a bit emotional. That's when he rushed me with a stake. I slid under his legs and quickly turned the tables when he stumbled somewhat into the wall and chair. He didn't expect me to grab his neck and bend him back, his stake clattering away in the process. I bit into his artery with less care than I showed my sire. His blood was weaker tasting, I knew Spike would have no trouble against him in a fight if he could only focus. I drained him, but of course he couldn't die, which made him too weak to stop me leaving his shrine to his past misdeeds.

"You won't tell your Slayer about this. I have no interest in humans so I don't see why she should have any interest in me."

Remarkably he didn't tell the Slayer about me. I could only guess at the reasons why. According to Dru, "Daddy" was reluctant to sell out his own family. I doubted it had anything at all to do with some misguided sense of loyalty on his part and everything to do with his ego and shame. He did eventually tell the Slayer about Dru… perhaps to maintain his strange courting of her. She was around sixteen, almost seventeen, and he was how old as a human and now as a vampire? Way creepy. Not to mention illegal in California.

I would come to find out he was more than willing to break that particular law. After we healed Dru with his blood, the Slayer paralyzed Spike, and Spike attempted to assemble the judge to prove to Dru he was still demon enough for her, even though he was wheelchair bound. I tried to talk to him about it; he was feeling too angry with the Slayer to realize the stupidity of releasing the Judge, which incinerates humans, when vampires primarily feed on humans. "Anything for Dru," he said, as if that was any kind of proper retort.

Angelus was my nightmare. I don't wish to linger on those few months that he was allowed free reign. Luckily, he was mostly focused on the vampire slayer. And when he wasn't, it was Dru. I mostly kept out of the way, helped Spike recover, and ignored his leering. I was sure he was still mad about how I had brought him low before. Thankfully, he was madder still with the Slayer. After he had killed the Gypsy, and gotten a flaming bat to the face because of it, he got incredibly angry with the Slayer. Which only seemed to grow day by day. That's when he hatched a plan regarding Dawn.

It was honestly the most depraved idea I have ever had the misfortune of hearing. Dru seemed conflicted about wanting to support her "Daddy" and regressing into her human memories of her traumatic past. Spike had something planned, I could tell. He wanted to put Angelus down any way he could. I never suspected it would be helping the Slayer, if he got to leave with Dru unharmed. Buffy still had no idea I existed, yet.

It all came to a head at the mansion, the impractically well lit mansion with natural sunlight. It was like Dracula buying a house made entirely of garlic. More about Dracula later, I don't want to derail the narrative by going into too many directions.

As I was saying, the final battle happened at the mansion. Spike made me stay out of the way by having me "re tint" the windows in the DeSoto. Like I couldn't handle myself. I heeded this advice because the Slayer was on a warpath to save her sister. I watched her march in with grim determination, her face set in marble. I thought it likely she wouldn't stop to ask "Do you eat humans?".

She must have hesitated on the killing blow for Angelus because when she had left with a crying and bloody Dawn holding onto her for support; I went in to see Angelus, only it was Angel again, eyes red from crying. Spike left him there and we went elsewhere for awhile. But Latin America wasn't very exciting, just a bunch of drama involving Chaos Demons and other weird as hell demons bedding Dru while Spike had his back turned. Of course, he was eating a lot of blond women during that time… When blondes are pretty hard to find. Make of that what you will.

He was a mess, so I couldn't let him leave alone when he headed back to Sunnydale without Dru. I even helped him procure a love spell for getting Dru back that didn't involve kidnapping the Slayer's best friend. Somehow the witch was much happier to help if you acted interested in learning magic. And looked like a cute younger sister.

She freaked when she saw Spike once the motel room door closed. He was looking especially pathetic on his own lumpy motel mattress, bottle held loosely in his grip, more bottles scattered across the floor. I had a handle on it though.

"Spike! What is Spike doing here?" She looked back at me with dread, "You are a vampire too?"

"I hide it well. Anyway, calm down.. this is exactly the same as I explained to you before. Except it's Spike who has the cheating ex. Not me. No one is going to hurt you. Spike even helped save Dawn so I don't see why this is such a big deal." I lead Willow over to the table where she could set up. "By the way, didn't I see Angel and Buffy making moon eyes at each other again?"

Willow gritted her teeth. "Buffy reasons that Angel and Angelus are not one in the same so what he did to Dawn… it wasn't him. Then why does Angel feel so guilty about it? If they are truly separate then what one does while the other is in charge wouldn't make you feel guilty."

"It's kinda like pissing on yourself while you are asleep. You had no control over your body… but damned if you don't feel like you were at fault somehow. Because you drank too much before bed. Or you had sex so good with a minor that your soul fell off. Not that I think he's right about the Angel vs Angelus thing… But I don't have a soul, so what would I know? Just have all this bloody dust apparently… Dru can't stand me cuz I made a deal with the Slayer. Still loves Daddy though after he humped the bitch. Love is a funny thing that way."

I looked at the witch, she was torn between pity and disgust being written all over her face.

"You have everything for the spell, yeah?" Spike said, perking up a bit.

"Yes, but-" The witch began but Spike had smashed his bottle violently against the wall.

"There will be none of that little witch, I will have this spell. Do I need to threaten you?"

Willow shook her head no, weakly sitting down by the cheap motel table. I gave Spike a look, he went too far.

"It's okay Willow. He's just really heartbroken. He's only lashing out because he's afraid of what he'll see on the inside."

Spike harrumphed. "Not true, 'm not afraid."

I rolled my eyes, as I turned back to Willow. "Remember, no funny business. You showed me what the spell should be like so I will know."

"I could have had the spell done by now if I had gone out there." Spike taunted from his bed. It was soaked in alcohol and had glass shards liberally scattered across it. Probably tired of getting poked in the ass, he rolled the comforter up and threw it outside.

"She's not as naive as she looks… Buffy that is… She had us revoke Angel's access to her house. She hasn't let him back in." Willow sounded worried.

"Wasn't Spike invited in? I assume she used a general disinvite spell, right?" I spoke, somewhat confused by the precise way she had worded that. I became much more suspicious when she looked between me and Spike with fear.

Spike narrowed his eyes at the witch. "The slayer didn't disinvite me? But I'm the Big Bad! How could she be so stupid?"

Willow shrank back in fear. I moved a little bit away from him too as he smelled like he had bathed in a concoction of different alcohols. Plus lit a thousand cigarettes after.

"I don't t-think she thinks of you like that, Spike." Willow spoke stutteringly as she seemed genuinely in fear for her life.

He growled loudly and broke the spare chair, that I had been planning on using, across the television on the other side of the room. He was breathing heavily, even though he didn't have to breathe at all. It was one of his quirks. Of which there were many.

"Even the Slayer!" He shouted in anguish. Willow didn't know what he meant, but I did. "If you can't be seen as a proper threat against your arch nemesis… what good are you as a demon? Not much I can tell you that."

"She'll never love me…" Spike fell to his knees in the carnage.

"Who, Buffy?" Willow sounded lost by Spike's sudden mood swings.

Spike began crying in earnest then. "That's why she left me you know. Even though I told her a thousand times I did it for her. What Angelus was planning to do to the little girl, right in front of Dru no less, would have destroyed them both. I couldn't watch him torture my Dru. But Dru… she saw it as a betrayal… I had hurt her precious Daddy and sided with the Slayer. And then the pixies began speaking such lies to her. Why would they say that?" He picked up the chair leg and held it over his heart. "I should just end it right here and now. I've never been demon enough for her. I've just been fooling myself all these years."

I rushed over to him and swatted the impromptu stake out of his hand. "Don't be so stupid. You don't have to live for her. Live for yourself for once!"

I tossed him down on his bed and went back over to Willow; Who was smart enough not to attempt leaving. "Let's get this over with."

"I don't want the bloody spell anymore. It won't do any good now." Spike grumbled from the bed. "I could use a bite to eat though." His yellow eyes shined out and caught a terrified Willow in his gaze.

"Absolutely not, Spike." I jumped on him while Willow ran for her life.

I bit into his shoulder while he tried to shake me off. We rolled violently off the bed, crashing into the walls, and rolling of the pieces of broken wood on the floor. Eventually he stopped fighting it, instead rolling me up into a bear hug as I licked his wound closed. "Don't worry, Spike. I will always be here. It's why you sired me after all."

That's when Spike and I left for Seattle, he had promised to take me somewhere fun so we went to the first of this gaming convention thing. We also went to various other places in Seattle. It was overcast most of the trip so we could just walk around with umbrellas and raincoats without looking too weird. Spike said the people tasted too fishy, but I didn't really notice any such flavor second hand.

It somewhat brought him out of his funk, especially when I dressed up as Yuffie Kisaragi. Nothing particularly interesting happened on that trip but it lifted his spirits somewhat to be in a new setting. That's when I made an offhand comment that wouldn't it be awesome if we could walk around during the day in sunnier climes.

"And with that, I can finally kill the Slayer!"

He became obsessed with finding this legendary ring so that he could kill the Slayer. Of course, we didn't know at the time that it was a ring. It was mostly just legend at that point.

Soon we found ourselves back in old Sunnyhell again. I was pleased to notice that Angel had left his basement/apartment, and the mansion. In fact, he was nowhere at all to be seen.

I went out very rarely while Spike dug up this buried crypt that he swore contained a relic that could grant vampires full immunity to the sun, and to being staked. It sounded too good to be true.

Finally, he broke through to the crypt and we played with the various old jewellery.

"Do the accounts have a description for this Gem?" I spoke as I placed a golden crown on my head.

"It's probably something on this old corpse." Spike spoke as he wrenched a necklace off the dried remains. They didn't look to be doing anything.

"We'll need a bit of sunlight to test if it works." I spoke, examining the other jewellery. "I don't think you'd fancy getting staked to the chest to check it's effects. We may need a minion for that."

Spike closes his hand around a cross, his skin sizzles. "No need, this isn't my gem." He takes off the necklace uncarefully and keeps looking.

I put on a small ring with a green jewel inside and a gold setting that criss-crosses like organic lattice over it. "Hmm, pretty." I try the cross as well, but don't get burnt. "This is it, Spike."

He rushes over to examine it. His blue eyes narrowed as he touched it with a hesitant finger. "Let me have it, pet."

I let go of the cross and take off the ring. It slides off easily as it barely fit on my thumb without sliding right off. "Spike," I said with some concern, "If you lose this in your fight with the Slayer… We may never have the chance to study it and replicate it. Then what? There isn't another ring like it."

"That won't happen, pet. I can take this Slayer. I'm finishing this dance, today, in the broad sunlight. Then Dru will have to see that I didn't betray her." Spike spoke patiently while I held the ring.

"Please… give me time to study it. Dalton and I will have it ready for you to fight the Slayer with soon enough. And, if you lose it then, she won't have any idea that you still have one that works just as well as the last." I reason with him.

Strangely, it worked and he gave me time to figure out the secret of the Gem. Which was a good thing because he fought the Slayer in broad daylight, and she took it off his hand. Thankfully, he escaped into a nearby sewer.

"We'll keep these secret. Angel destroyed the original, so we must be careful in not letting anyone else know about these rings." I spoke, "From this point on, this is our secret."

Dalton nodded obediently. Spike, nursing burns to his face, just growled in semi-agreement. Ever since I saved his life from the Judge, Dalton had been my minion. He had stayed in Sunnydale to spy for us, help us keep tabs on things.

I closed them all in a lockbox, which only I had the code for, and put them in a steamer trunk at the end of my bed.

Of course, Spike wasn't satisfied with how his last fight with the Slayer went. That's when he came back to the lair screaming about the Slayer having army buddies that put a chip in his head. The ring wouldn't work on that, it was bits and bytes in his head, not magic.

"Pretty sure the Slayer had nothing to do with this, Spike." I spoke with lounging in his chair, reading.

"What are you reading?! Is that my-?" Spike stumbled over to me weak from his disappearance. The soldiers must not have been feeding him well.

"Yep." I spoke, adding an extra pop to the p at the end. "It's not bad."

"The hell it isn't!" Spike yelled, and snatched his journal of poems from my hands. "Wait, what?"

"I liked your use of imagery. It was very you." I shuffled off the chair and gave him a hug. "Glad you are back. Dalton just doesn't taste right. No matter who he eats."

Dalton looked happy to see Spike too. "I'll be glad to be able to keep most of the blood I eat from now on. I looked for you, Master. I finally tracked down who took you, we used the daylight rings to blend in during the day. It was a group of college kids… only they seem to be working for a secret government agency. Also, they are terrible about not speaking about it in front of anyone and everyone."

"Good work, Dalton, I may grow to like you yet." Spike spoke as he collapsed in his chair.

"So, you can't bite anyone right? I guess you could do an Angel and wait for them to die before digging in."

"Blood just won't taste right. Might as well bag it from here on out." Spike sighed, settling in to watch Passions. Dalton and I shared a look, he was going to be a joy to be around.

The next few weeks Dalton stole us blood from the blood bank. I was reluctant to contact the Slayer about the commandos, fearing she'd side with them. But I wasn't as fearful about her witch friend.

So I found her in her dorm room alone, and sulking. She was listening to something on the radio that sounded like cats drowning. She told me to come in without checking to see who was there. Pretty rookie mistake.

"You!" She screamed.

"Yes, me." I spoke calmly. "Oh calm your tits. I'm not gonna bite you. I saved you from Spike, didn't I?"

"Only after you put me in danger to begin with!" Willow looked pretty pissed.

"And I apologize for that, but family comes first for vamps like me." I sat down on the opposite bed. "This is the Slayer's bed, right? But she's not in it?"

"Patrolling," Willow spoke sharply, "Why are you here?"

"You notice any men in G.I. Joe gear running around campus lately?"

Willow nodded, still looking at me with suspicion.

"Well, they aren't just regular military. They are part of a secret unit, an experimental one right here in SunnyD, that goes after demons and puts them in cages."

"That doesn't sound so bad." Willow spoke.

"How would you like it?" I said sarcastically before continuing, "But they don't just stop there. They… they seem to be doing science experiments on demons. Not just the aggressive ones either."

"Wait, there are non aggressive demons?" Willow sounded shocked.

"Certainly. Are there non carnivorous animals?" I pause to let her reflect on that. "More importantly, my sire was recently captured by them. He escaped… but not before they put something in him. Something that makes him unable to hurt or hunt humans."

"Really not seeing the problem here."

I sigh. "He's defenceless now. You know what that feels like, don't you?"

Willow looked a bit conflicted. "Why don't you protect him?"

"This thing is big. Especially if the Slayer gets involved with it… I may not be able to protect him. We could just leave Sunnydale... but I have a feeling that this little science fair project of theirs is going to get out of control. Not to invoke Godwin's Law, especially among present company… but this seems remarkably like concentration camps."

I picked up a spare stake from the night table and twirled it as I thought. Willow was silent as well, until she spoke carefully, "Why'd you come to me with this?"

"You are the only one I can trust to listen before you make up your mind. "Plus, Buffy scares the pants off of me."

"I do?" The Slayer said from the doorway. "Wills, who is this?"

"I'm a Slayer." I spoke quickly, lying my pants off. "My watcher told me I was called after you died."

"It was only a little bit, that counts?" Buffy pouted.

"Shocked me too. Youngest Slayer yet." My face turned dark. "They didn't expect me to live this long. Given how young I was when I was called."

Willow didn't rat me out on this fabrication, for which I was grateful.

"You look about Dawn's age. Way too young to be a Slayer. I was fifteen, and that still seemed too young." She looked at me twirling the stake. I had on my cross shaped ring, hiding my Gem of Amara reconstruction.

"I was scared to come talk to you because you seemed so cool and together. You have some wicked moves." I smiled brightly. "If you want we can patrol sometime together? I'd love to learn some things from you."

She seemed a bit intrigued by the idea. "Sure, just not tonight. I'm beat."

"Alright…" I said as I got off her bed so she could sit on it. "There's something else… I saw some commandos stun a vamp and drag him off further into the campus. What's going on in this city?"

Buffy stopped halfway before sitting down on her bed. She stood right back up and looked at me seriously. "You saw them too?"

I nodded.

"I thought I saw them during halloween… I thought they were just in costume. And then again… with Oz." Buffy looked at Willow, worried that she had hurt her by mentioning the werewolf.

"Yeah, I followed them." I said, waiting for dramatic effect. "They went in a frat house. I think it said Lowell house. It was dark so..."

I looked a bit scared as I spoke, "I'm worried they won't care if you are Vampire or Slayer. Who knows what they have planned?"

Willow was still very quiet.

"Buffy," Willow spoke and I held my breath unnecessarily, "I really think you should listen to her. They might not see your power as good… so much as uncontrollable. Remember Travers? And they were Watchers... not super secret elite forces."

"Alright," She spoke finally, "I'll keep my eyes open. But this is my town. They don't get to make me cower in fear."

"I have to go, Buffy… It was nice to meet you."

I left, without her really knowing who I was. She didn't see me again till much later. When I got back to the lair, Spike was in a fine sulk.

He growled as soon as he smelt me. "You smell like Slayer. What kind of foolish thing have you done now?"

I still had the Slayer's stake in my hand.

"You brought that thing in here?! Are you completely mental?"

"Yes, Spike. I've lost it… you are at the whims of a mad woman." Sarcasm was dripping from my every word. "Actually, I think I may have befriended the Slayer, with the help of Willow. On top of that I sent her sniffing around the commandos 'secret' headquarters. Two birds, one stone."

I put the stake in an inner pocket I have in my jacket. "The stake is just a trophy. I'll have it transcribed: Talked to the Slayer and Lived."

"I don't know if siring you was the best or worst decision of my life." He spoke, somewhere between awe and despondency.

"I highly doubt it ranks on either list. But, I was thinking on the way back, when I came across some vampires and ate them… why do I like vampire blood? What would it feel like to stake a vamp?" I looked over at a slightly scared looking Dalton. "Of course I don't mean you, Dalton."

"What are you nattering on about?" Spike asked me.

"Isn't it obvious? How did we not see this sooner?" I jumped onto his lap as he sat in his chair. "Was there anything weird about me before you turned me? Did you notice anything about my blood that seemed different to you?"

Spike eyes widened dramatically. "Bloody Hell!"

His frown turned into a grin. "Bloody buggering fuck! You were my third Slayer. The Master turned one some years ago but… it never occurred to me that you might be a Slayer. What with one already living in Sunnyhell. This is bloody fantastic."

"Better yet. The Watchers probably had no idea about you either. Marvelous." Spike enthused, seeming happier with his unlife once again. "Only problem is I can't brag about it."

I rolled my eyes. "Such a travesty for you."

"So, what does this make me? A Slaypire? Sounds corny. Vamper sounds dumb, and not very clear besides."

"The master called his Jägirin. The german word for huntress with the i from Vampir, which needs no explanation. She hated it though. She wanted a Japanese name, again obvious why there. Kyūketsuki no megami… She wasn't very humble. Funny, it's been awhile since I thought of her."

"Your blood tastes the best… Probably in part due to your age and power. Dalton can't match that… he's only from the 30s. And Angel's tasted weak from living high on the hog… so to speak. Maybe due to my sire bond to you as well."

"That adds up. Sire bonds are some of the strongest bonds a vampire can make. Takes a lot for a vampire to betray his sire." Spike spoke somewhat softly, "Let alone kill her."

"Angel killed his sire?"

"To be fair. I never liked the bitch. And they were some of the most loosely bound I have seen. Darla was always on about the Master. She did like to fuck Angelus though, plus he treated her to a fancier side of life than the Master liked to indulge in. She left us right quick when it became clear Angelus had been replaced by a pussier version of himself. So it's not surprising Angel killed her to protect his new… project. Darla should have known better. He had never loved her after all."

Dalton left for his room, as day was starting to break. He wasn't like Spike and I, he could stay up but it was much harder for him. I settled down in Spike's lap and watched television until we both fell asleep.

Next time we saw a member of the Scoobies, it was the old man. Only he wasn't an old man at all, but a demon.

"Well, what do I spy with my little eye? A demon. That would be... oh right... the things I can kill." Spike sauntered over to him while I watched on. We had been out in a less slayer frequented cemetery, looking for things for Spike to hit. Plus, when he worked out his rage on the demons he gave me a go at them.

The demon growled exasperatedly, as if it's day couldn't get any worse.

"Giles?" Spike spoke in disbelief. I honestly didn't know if Spike was losing it because that didn't look at all like Buffy's watcher.

The demon waved his arms, signalling he was ready for a fight as he continued to growl unintelligibly.

"Of course I understand you."

More threatening sounding growls.

"No. You're speaking Fyarl. I happen to speak Fyarl. And, by the way, why the hell are you suddenly a Fyarl demon? 'Cause I like to think I'm pretty observant, and I never saw a sign of it, I swear."

The demon looked aggrieved, for a giant horny demon. It growled long sufferingly.

"What, you just come over all demony this morning?"

Much more growling, it even began to drool a little.

Spike seemed to understand it though. "So, that's Giles in a demon suit or what?"

"Something like that, pet. We're gonna help him for some dosh."

"I can just steal anything we need." I spoke, not particularly happy with the idea of helping out the man. I wanted to go back to beating up vampires.

"Bigger items are harder to steal. I'd rather get something nice for you than something I found at the dump." Spike explained as I tried to patiently listen.

"Ask him about those commandos."

Giles-demon was growling at Spike as I spoke.

"Oi! I'm talking to my childe here. Watch your mouth!" Spike laughed as Giles-demon made a stuttering growl.

"Like I was telling her, you will pay us… Or you will be stuck like this… for as long as you have left to live."

"One hundred? You'll have to do a lot better than that!"

"Two-hundred."

Affirmative sounding growl.

"Right then. What's first? I run tell the Slayer what you've gotten yourself into?" Spike smirked as Giles-demon looked even more distraught. Possibly constipated.

"Ah... embarrassed. One of my favorite human weaknesses, makes the blood go to the skin. Little Willow does it 'specially well."

I followed along, we got in the DeSoto and Giles-demon seemingly directed us to a bar. I had to wait in the car, something about not being old enough. It wasn't so bad with the music playing.

We got in a car chase with the commandos which ended up totaling the DeSoto. But we all escaped unscathed. Later in that same week, human Giles found us at the crypt we were setting up.

"Wipe your feet when you enter a person's home." Spike startled Giles as I was busy sweeping the floor.

"Yes, careless of me. Tracking mud all over your mud." The older Englishman said scathingly.

I look up from my sweeping. "Adding to my work, for shame. Were you raised in a barn? You must feel so comfortable because Willow told you about Spike's... condition."

"Due in part to that. But also due in part to my professional curiosity. Willow told me you drink the blood of only other vampires?" Giles began cleaning his glasses, "Simply fascinating."

"The world is a many splendored thing," Spike spoke derisively. "But money makes the world go round."

Giles hands him the three hundred dollars he owed Spike before coming over to speak with me.

"Thinking about your unique diet. It occurs to me - and I realize it's against your nature - but have you considered there may be a higher purpose-"

"Like what?" I asked as Spike counted the money.

"Perhaps you are a new form of vampire. One who can choose to go against his own kind. To possibly even do good. There may be some reason you are as you are. Does that not interest you?"

"Maybe it does… but how often do such forces for good have a long shelf life? I hear Slayers often die before their eighteenth birthday. Why would I want to sign up to have an expiration date? I'm happier living in the grey area."

"If it's alright with your sire-" Giles began.

"It bloody well isn't alright with me. Why haven't you left yet?" Spike spoke with little courtesy.

"It's alright, Spike, I can handle him just fine on my own." I spoke, pushing the broom handle into his chest slightly. I turned back to talk to the older man. Looking, anyway. "I'll help out, but not directly. I'm not interested in becoming bosom buddies with the Slayer."

Giles nodded in understanding, and left.

"Why'd you say yes to that wanker?"

"Tactics, Spike. Who do you think informs the Slayer the most of their little group? If we want to have relative anonymity here, we have to learn to make some strange bedfellows."

My plan worked like a charm. I got much more information about what they knew. The Slayer was currently involved with one of them for starters, and they were taking parts off of demons for some reason. I foiled them in the woods with relative ease, especially when I knew what kind of tech to expect.

Their stun guns knocked them all out. I would have let Dalton eat them, but he was in the crypt with Spike, setting up electricity and running water. Instead, I tied them all up and made it look like they were all holding hands. It's the little things that make you happy. I took their weapons as well as their clothes. Boy would they be embarrassed when they awoke.

Dalton got to work analyzing how the weapons worked, but he was a little stumped by the technology himself. Eventually he figured out that they were spotting vampires with a heat vision set of goggles. Spike was likely being spotted just by the radioactive color of his hair. He didn't go out much though, except to hit things in cemeteries. But he wouldn't even talk about dying his hair a different color.

"Not even for you, pet. This is my signature look." Spike protested.

I pouted, opening my mouth to try to make him at least not bleach it anymore.

"Spike!" The old man came barreling into the crypt in the middle of the day. "Bad news, I think your childe was right about the Initiative. They tried to kill Buffy. You know, it just occured to me that we've never been introduced-"

"No time for niceties, Watcher," Spike growled. "You want something from us, so spit it out."

"Very well," Giles spoke, taking off his glasses to wipe them thoroughly. "I have cause to believe that our entire group may be in danger through our association with Riley Finn. I request asylum for some of our group here in your crypt."

"No bloody way, mate!" Spike exclaimed. "I don't need anymore heat on me from those wankers than I already have."

Then Willow and another, less confident looking woman, walked in. "They didn't say no, did they?"

The mousey one walked forward holding several bags of blood. "P-please, t-take this as p-payment."

Spike began smiling upon seeing the bags of blood. "What's your name, gorgeous?"

The dirty blonde blushed prettily. "Tara."

"So, Red, got yourself a bird? Good for you." Spike praised, and it was Willow's turn to blush.

"Dalton, take the blood from the girl and store it in the freezer." I spoke, amused with the way they huddled together when Dalton appeared. "Don't worry. Dalton is completely loyal to me. No harm will come to you."

Willow took the blood from Tara and gave it to Dalton. It was really sweet how she was trying to protect her.

"I hope you brought sleeping bags." I snarked. "Our hotel is currently booked. You may sleep in the lobby."

Soon enough they were back in their own homes and news trickled in of the threat for that year. A biomechanical monster calling himself Adam was on the loose. A quiet couple of weeks pass. Spike seemed to have gotten himself in trouble for killing other demons. As if there was honor among thieves. For the most part he wasn't seriously hurt. I would have tore each and every one of them limb from limb if that was the case. And that's not an exaggeration.

And then there was that weird week where I'm still fairly sure that the Scoobies were being run by an incredibly short nerd, except we all thought that he was legit frightening. What was his name? John something?

Demons and vamps started working together, which was weird at the time. Before we knew it was the Adam thing. I told the old man about it in our meetings, among other interesting developments. He always paid me for my time. Probably because Spike wouldn't let him in the door without forking over some cash.

Spike briefly went to some party at the campus, I couldn't go. Dalton stayed home and played cards with me. He came back visibly shaken. "Bird tried to get me killed! Last time I ever hang out with demon girl."

I showed Dalton my hand, and he groaned. "You must be cheating, nobody has luck that good."

I decline to recognize his complaint. "So, have fun on your _date_?"

"Pft." Spike snorted deridingly as he shrugged out of his coat. "Not my type. Like my women dark and mysterious."

I roll my eyes. "Mmhmm. That's why you left a trail of dead blonde beauties through Brazil. All golden skinned, like the sun."

"And guess what? The bloody place was haunted! Had to chew my way out while the Slayer and her Soldier Boy were busy boinking like rabbits. I miss when Slayers had class. That Lin Rong, she was a hell of a Slayer."

I put up the cards, not wanting to play against Spike, who definitely cheated. "You keep telling yourself that. One of these days your subconscious is going to bite back harder than you can imagine."

Of course he didn't listen.

Later on, after Spike helped them find the wolf boy, he made a deal with Adam for his chip to be removed.

"This is going to be fun!" He clapped his hands together and looked incredibly pleased with himself. He saw the look on my face and stopped smiling. "What are you looking at me like that for?"

"Adam has zero chance of defeating the Slayer." I spoke, playing solitaire. "And, even if he does… He's not going to really help you. He has no loyalty. He will just kill you once you've served your purpose."

Spike looked like a balloon that had been popped, all the enthusiasm went out of him. "I suppose you have a better plan for getting rid of my chip?"

I look up after placing another card down. "Actually, I do. Find a brain surgeon. Pay him to cut it out. Money can be a very motivating factor. But you already know that's the best way of doing things. You haven't done it yet, so I can only surmise you want to keep the chip in for some subconscious reason. How about we work with the Slayerettes to stop this Adam thing and then we can get your chip out quietly without telling them."

Spike dropped into his chair. "Too cowardly. Slayer deserves more than that. She deserves to go out fighting."

I sigh. "Have it your way then, but this thing with Adam is cowardly too."

"I know," He said quietly. "I'll play pretend. Make it look like I broke them up."

Spike informed the Scoobies of Adam's plan and they all decided to go along with the fake breakup. Until the big battle went down. It won him some points, but not many, with the Gang. Once again, the Slayer saved the world. And her boy-toy somehow found our crypt sometime later.

"Well, well. You can take the boy out of the Initiative, but you can't take the initiative out of the boy, can you?" Spike taunted, aiming a crossbow at Captain Cardboard.

"I'd put that down unless you're bucking for one hell of a headache." Riley threatened. He hadn't seen me yet, and he wouldn't. Spike set down the crossbow.

"Can't be too careful. Got quite a few demons after me these days…" He trailed off, lighting a matchstick against an empty coffin, "Where's your better half? Bet she wouldn't like you being here at night all by your lonesome. It's dangerous."

Riley stepped forward threateningly, "Cut the crap, Spike. I'm looking for some information."

I held back my giggles at the man trying to scare Spike. With what? His lack of good sense?

"Then I demand my heckling time. Got to be a give and take, right?" Spike exhaled into the stuffy crypt, giving it an even more dusty looking vibe.

"Give me something useful and you can talk all the trash you want."

I barked out a laugh. The soldier boy spied me hiding behind a coffin.

"Who the fuck is that?" He demanded.

I rose up off the floor, and dusted off my jeans. "I'm sorry, did I scare you? Surely, Rupert Giles has told you all about me?"

"Actually, no." He looked incredibly mad that he was kept out of the loop.

"I'm his anonymous informant. Or at least one of them anyway. Can't be sure with that wily old man." I walked over to stand by Spike, looping my arm with his, and picked up the crossbow with the other. "Hasn't anyone ever told you that bullying is a sign of weakness? Your attempt at intimidation was juvenile. Now speak, what did you want to know?"

"What can you tell me about Dracula?" He asked Spike, slightly unnerved by my presence. He had even stepped back towards the door.

Spike dropped the cigarette stub and crushed it under his boot. "Dracula? Poncy bugger owes me eleven pounds for one thing."

I moved over to the window, and began lighting some candles while Spike and Riley speak. Bunch of talk about a boring old vampire. I almost thought it'd be better to be watching Passions when I caught something interesting being said.

"No, I'm saying you should go home to your superhoney and have a nice, safe snog. You're out of your depth on this one, boy." Spike began to show him the door. Riley looked a bit obstinate though.

"You've helped Buffy before. Chips were down, you jumped sides long enough to make yourself useful. So she has a problem with killing you now that you're helpless," He approaches Spike with malicious intent in his eyes. "I don't."

"'Cept I'm not helpless, am I?" Spike taunted. "She'll pull the trigger. Might not kill you though… I wouldn't be so sure that's a good thing."

"Be smart, Soldier Boy." I spoke, causing him to tear his eyes off of Spike. "What's more important to you? Spike, or Buffy?"

He didn't seem to know what to say to that.

As he left, Spike taunted, "You're never gonna find him!"

"Not before he gets to her…" He said in a tone only audible to me.

"Worried?" I spoke, setting aside the crossbow. "She is your Slayer after all. Don't want Drac getting what's yours."

Spike snorted. "I got my third slayer, din't I?"

I hummed slightly. "Not what I meant."

"You want me to go warn the Slayer? What next? Knit her mittens?" Spike looked pretty angry.

"Her little sister is in there, too." I spoke, knowing his soft spot for the younger Summers girl. "You think Drac will add her to his collection?"

"Emotional manipulation, that's low of you." Spike said, beginning to sound slightly worried.

"I'll warn the Slayer then, since you are too scared of tarnishing your Big Bad image." I left the crypt, heading for Revello Drive.

I ran into the Slayer as she was coming home from patrol. I knew Spike was following me, just to make sure I was safe. "Hey, Buffy!" I shouted. She looked a little confused about who I was before she put the dots together.

"Where did you go after that night?" She asked.

I smiled sheepishly. "Home. Actually I've been around. Giles has taken me under his wing."

Buffy looked a bit confused by that. "He never told me. And even after I asked about you."

"Y'know. Secretive watcher types."

I followed Buffy up to her doors, and she invited me in. Her mother greeted me kindly. "Who's this, Buffy?"

"Hello, Mrs. Summers." I smile as I shake her hand. "I'm a Slayer like your daughter."

Mrs. Summers gasped, "But you're so young. I think they should wait to call Slayers when they are more mature."

"That's not how it works, Mom. You are just called. Nobody really controls it." Buffy tried explaining. "Believe me, it's better that they don't"

Mrs. Summers listened to my story of needing a place to stay that night. My "parents" were out of town and the house seemed too empty. She even insisted I come to Dawn's birthday party the next day. Dawn agreed readily to that plan, before she was sent off to bed.

Buffy helped set me up on the downstairs couch while Mrs. Summers went up to bed. "I've been patrolling with Spike."

"What?!" Buffy hissed.

"Mr. Giles thought it would be a good idea. Keep the soulless vampire out of trouble and give the newbie Slayer training wheels." I looked at the Slayer with eyes wide. "He even got in trouble for it with the demon community. For helping me kill things. And tonight, one of those Initiative guys showed up and threatened him."

Buffy looked confused. "We ran those guys out of town. Except for Riley, of course." Then she seemed to get it. "What was Riley saying to Spike?"

"That he'd kill him. Chip or no chip. And that he was going to take on Dracula by himself." I pulled the blankets up. "He even tried to threaten me. Just because I was defending Spike. What's his problem with Spike?"

Buffy snorted. "Probably everything. Spike isn't exactly a people person."

I shrugged. "He's not that bad."

"Trust me. You do not want to fall in love with a vampire." She shook her head. "Bad, Bad things happen."

"Eww!"

"My thoughts exactly when it comes to Spike." Buffy said congenially.

"I doubt that. He's more like a big brother. With fangs. To me."

Buffy seemed curious about that. "Why'd you get so close to him then?"

I think back to meeting Spike for the first time, but I can't tell her that. She'd never understand. "I get him. He's a big softie under all that big bad vampire image. I stole his book of poetry-"

"Wait? Spike writes poetry?" Buffy spoke incredulously.

I nodded. "He's a romantic. Of the exceedingly hopeless variety. He grew up in Victorian England. He's well read as a result of being such a nerd as a human. A wallflower. I can relate to that. He didn't lose that when he became a vampire. He talks about his one true love Drucilla with a kind of fondness you don't see in some human guys. He's capable of anything if he loves someone enough."

"And yet, you say you don't love him." Buffy laughed.

I smile softly, "Actually, I very much do. But it's not romantic love. Spike explained to me once when incredibly drunk that the greeks had different words for love. Agápe is what we have. And a healthy dose of Philia. But no Eros, not in the modern sense in any case. It's like how you love your mom and sister."

"You are a strange girl." Buffy spoke, leaving the living room and making her way upstairs.

I waited until she fell asleep, pretending to do the same. The wind kicked up outside, and I went upstairs to check on Buffy. I saw a man with long dark hair leaning over at her. He was so focused on her, he didn't notice me. I quickly attacked his neck, biting into it savagely. He screamed a bit like a girl.

Buffy snapped out of her daze after she heard that and stared disbelieving at me. My fangs were deeply entrenched in Dracula's neck. I had my arms securely around him, but I was hoping the Slayer would take action soon and stake him. "You're a vampire?"

I stopped biting Dracula to shout, "So not the point! Stake him."

She got her stake and brought it down into his chest, he dusted. But I watched as the dust curled out the window. "He's not dead!"

Buffy looked from me to the dust flying out the window. "I see that. How are we supposed to kill him if he won't stay dead?"

Spike was just outside, he grappled the newly reanimating Dracula to the ground. "I got 'im, loves. Kill him again."

Dracula cried out, "Okay, okay you win. I'll leave. Goodbye, Slayer." He turned into a bat and flew away as we all stood awkwardly on the lawn. The silence didn't last very long.


	3. Chapter 2

**Not Another Self Insert**

**Chapter 2**

**Not a hero, not even on the team!**

* * *

_I'm not your nervous feeling_

_Each time we say goodnight_

_You picture buildings burning to the ground_

_From the basement to the streetlight_

_I'm not your drinking problem_

_A hole is in the sky_

_It's not your heart that you've been thinkin of_

_Just the feeling like you're gonna die_

**Don't Move by Phantogram**

* * *

_"__This is a new low, even for you, Spike." The Slayer spoke, her voice ringing with such self assured rightness that it seemed she had a birthright to it. "She's only a child. Who turns a child, Spike?"_

_Spike paced back and forth, while still protecting me with the set of his chin and his readiness to take the pain of the chip firing. "Your precious Peaches for one!"_

_Buffy blushed an angry red. "He's not- We broke up. He's not even in Sunnydale anymore."_

_Spike gave her a sad, almost understanding look. "It doesn't matter how far away they are though, does it, Slayer? They are in your blood now. Swimming in your veins. Making unlife worth living."_

_"__What do you know of living, Spike? All you do is kill." Buffy growled, upset that the monster had found a chink in her armor._

_Spike chuckled, stepping closer to where I was standing behind him. "Not all, Slayer. I can also love. And protect."_

Spike seemed to go into his head a bit as he stood off against the Slayer. Spike kept his body between me and the slayer. Even though I had a better chance at taking on the slayer than he did at the moment.

"Your name is Buffy, right?" I spoke without fear. "Haven't you done enough? You paralyzed him, but I helped him get better. And then he helped you take down your boyfriend, before Angelus could hurt your sister. Dru left him because of something she saw in your future. She isn't only crazy.. something she saw about you two caused her to leave him. I don't believe it was really the truce. Not that I can get him to believe it. And now you accuse him of being a pedophile when he saved me from one. He has honor. I know you can see it, so it's about time you acknowledge it."

"I'm being lectured by a 14 year old vampire." The slayer sounded much aggrieved.

"I'm only a year younger than you mentally, possibly older, given your black and white views of the world." I stepped out of Spike's cover. "I have never fed from a human. Riddle me that, Slayer. How does that mesh with your worldview."

"Don't tell me you only drink from vampires. Am I supposed to believe that? You must, at least, drink from blood bags."

"Spike was right. You do twist anything and everything to fit your view of the world. By the way, Angel kept blood bags in his fridge… ever wonder where they came from? He couldn't always stay on the pig's blood diet. But why bother talking about Angel? Except I had a nip from him once."

"You WHAT?! Why did you go near that wanker when I told you to steer clear of him?"

I stuck my tongue out at him. "I take after you a bit. Never doing exactly as I'm told."

The Slayer looked like she was starting to get it. "So, you only feed on vampires? That's just weird."

Spike chuckled, "I guess I just couldn't wean her. Feel like quite the wet nurse sometimes."

"So, you see, Slayer. She's more kosher than I am." He spoke as the Slayer stood flabbergasted before them.

"And what do **you** eat now, Spike?" Buffy interrogated him.

"I feed him blood bags I nick that are just past expiration for use in a human. Then I mix it with some fresh pig's blood. Add a little Weetabix for texture and burba weed for flavor." I spoke, as if discussing recipes with the Slayer. "He's still a bit grumpy about the fare, but it's the only inn in town that's serving him, so he can't complain… much."

"Were you the one who took out Riley's men last year?"

"Technically, I only walked back home with groceries for Spike. They attempted to ambush me, and I defended myself. They weren't expecting me to use their weapons against them." I smiled proudly, "Did it work?"

"They were.. still alive... but hurting." Buffy conceded. "Did you really have to take off their clothes?"

Spike snorted beside me. "She did that? Oh, I wish I could have seen it."

"It's a proper tactic. Embarass the enemy so that he's more likely to make mistakes." I looked up to see Dawn watching us from the window. "Your sisters watching Slayer. Must have woken her up when we beat Dracula. We should go to-"

"Wait just a minute. Who said you could leave?" Buffy demanded, grabbing my arm. "Dawn expects you at her party, you know. Have you even thought of buying her a present?"

She seemed to realize that she had said something dumb the moment she had said it.

"You expected me to? Just because we look the same age, doesn't mean we will suddenly start sharing stories about boys and painting each others nails." I quipped, a quirk to my smile. "Alright, alright, I'll go after nicking something from the mall. It's not like she will know the difference."

Buffy frowned, but didn't say a thing. Probably realizing stealing was my only way to get anything. Minus Giles' contributions. "Fine, just don't be late because you had to snack on some unsuspecting vamp."

"I much prefer my sire's blood anyway. See you soon, Buffy."

And that's everything that happened, except for the party, for the most part. The scooby meeting as well, during the day, where I had to fly in with Spike under sizzling blankets. That's when I told everyone who I was finally, within reason. Mostly, Buffy was angrier with Giles than with me. Especially when she figured out how much Spike and I had been helping them in secret. Buffy looked a bit less harshly at Spike as well.

I looked back up to see Buffy looking at me now. "None of us can be sure of anything right now. I suggest we try to trust our instincts as much as possible. We need to figure out who is after us. Can you and Spike-"

"We're on the case." I volunteered, knowing just how much it would annoy him. "Talking with us is much better than beating up Willy the Snitch."

Buffy laughed, "I'm not so sure about that. At least where Spike is concerned."

Riley was looking kind of worried about Buffy's new attitude towards me and Spike. Perhaps he still didn't trust me.

"I'm sorry I held a crossbow at you." I spoke, looking at him. "You'd do the same though. If it was someone you loved."

"I would," he said with quiet conviction.

"Same for me," Giles spoke, looking at Buffy like she was his daughter.

"I already did." Joyce spoke. "Spike wasn't expecting it."

Buffy snorted. "Yeah, don't mess with Summers women. We're tough. And handy with an axe."

Everyone in the room looked at someone in the room with a certain amount of loyalty in their gaze. Buffy was the center point for all of them. Her leadership was somewhat enviable. That is, I envied it. Spike honked outside, he must have finished Passions. Hopefully, he was mostly sober.

I said goodbye to the Scooby Gang, and promised once again to look into it. The rest of them would be pouring over books.

Spike, Dalton, and I were rummaging in the local dump for things for the Crypt that weren't completely trashed when we next saw the Scooby Gang. Spike was still peeved I had promised the Slayer extra help than I had already offered. I wasn't sure why exactly that I was going through the trouble of helping her except… I knew instinctively that I would be safer with her than against her. Even should this Slayer die, there would be another one. And if I played my cards right, I could be safe from both factions for the most part. The Watcher's Council was quite interested in my sire and myself from what Rupert Giles said. The Slayer was still on the fence, more so because of Spike than anything else. Not that he made it easier.

"What are you doing here, Spike?" Riley spoke threateningly, much more willing to try intimidation now that he was backed up by the Slayer. Dalton was probably hiding from the Slayer. I stood up from looking at a box full of electronics, and made my way over to Spike.

"Oh, there's a nice lady vampire who's set up a charming tea room just 'round the next pile of crap," He snarked back at Riley, "What do you think I'm doing? I'm scavenging, ain't I?"

"I think I saw a box full of comic books round that pile," I gestured a little bit behind Xander. "If you're interested."

Xander beamed and went to check it out. Meanwhile, Spike showed the gang an attractive old oil lamp.

Willow commented, "Very pretty."

I figured she was mostly over that time Spike almost ate her.

"Spike, we're looking for a demon. Very tall, robe, skin kinda hanging off,

deep voice…" Buffy trailed off.

"What, you mean a great tall robe-y thing like that one?" Spike spoke innocently, or at least the attempt at it.

I look behind the Scoobies. Xander is behind the thing, he looks conflicted on if he should attack it with the box of comic books or not. I wonder if I should directly attack it or not. I look over at Spike, he's smiling like the cat that ate the canary.

"Die well, Slayer." The deep voice of the demon speaks.

"Hey, big guy! Kick 'er ass!" Spike taunts from afar.

As Giles and Riley circle behind the demon, Xander throws the box at it's head. Predictably, this only makes it pissed. It points it's rod at Xander and blasts him into a pile of trash. I cringe, that's going to be embarrassing when he wakes up.

"Take cover!" Riley ordered as if he was team captain. He also grabbed Willow and pulled her from the action. The monster fired again at the Slayer as she was weaving around the battlefield. The blast shattered Spike's lamp.

"Oh, very nice. I was on your side!" Spike shouted, still holding what was left of the lamp.

This time as the demon went for the Slayer I surprised him with a solar plexus jab and grabbed his magic rod doodad. I tossed it to Giles as I tackled the demon to the ground. Buffy brought the backup and stabbed the creature in it ugly as sin face. The demon was soon lying still.

"So, anyone want to tell me what that thing was?" I asked as I brushed myself off.

Spike gave it a keen eye, "That's a bloody Tothric demon, usually smarter than this one. Thought they were all extinct, reckon they are now."

Giles nodded, "I know I will regret saying this, but Spike is right. And this thing you tossed me is a ferrula gemina. Which means Xander got split into two distinct personalities, his own yin and yang if you will. Willow would you like to do the honors?"

While the Scoobies set up to put little Xander together again, Spike and I left with Dalton. It was a shame we didn't find anything useful at the dump. I brought the box of spare electronics home with me, just in case.

The crypt housed Spike and I on the lower level and Dalton slept in one of the coffins up top. We were working on clearing out another room for Dalton down below, work on that was progressing slowly. As was hooking up an internet connection in the crypt. I tossed the box of electronics into my corner to sort through later. That's when I notice the creepy tastic mannequin head sitting on the bed, it's blonde hair curling in the sheets. The rest of it, a simple torso and neck, lies disheveled on the ground. The halter top I recognize as one of the Slayer's. It's no longer fully on.

"Spike? What's this doing on the bed? Or in the crypt at all for that matter." I asked as he descended the ladder.

He looks at it and his face changes to that of his demon. "Bitch did this to me, didn't she? I can't very well hit her now, can I? Needed a substitute."

My skin began to crawl. "I guess…"

I didn't want to tell him that his obsession was beginning to look like Angelus'. That comparison would not go over well. I walked over to pick up the head but he quickly stopped me from touching it. That's when his face went back to human and he gently put head and body back together. He even put the dolls clothes back in order. "Dru kept dolls… I never did understand exactly why she would talk to them… Maybe I do now."

"Spike," I remind him of my presence. He turned to look at me, eyes slightly unfocused. "I'm here."

He smiled softly, the way he would look at Dru or me that let us know he loved us. "She abandoned us both in a way. She knew you would go with me… Maybe she still cared enough to want me to have someone like you by my side."

I couldn't be so sure she did. "You tried everything to get her to love you like you love her. But Dru was already pulling away, even before you sided with the Slayer. She saw something… she didn't want you to hurt her first. But in her mind you already had. By leaving you… she probably made sure that what she saw became reality. It's like the story of Oedipus Rex-"

"But what was she even saying, tasting of ashes, having the Slayer all around me? It doesn't make any sense." Spike slicked his hair back with his hand as he paced before where I sat on the bed.

"Spike, you have a Slayer doll. I think it's pretty obvious what she meant."

Spike looked even more visibly stressed. "I did it for her! I'm doing this all for her. She's the one who was always asking me why I haven't killed the Slayer yet." He sat down beside me and put his head in his hands. "I tried to kill her. I really did. But it was never good enough for Dru."

I sighed and fell backwards onto the bed. He could be incredibly dense sometimes. Echoes of Angelus mockingly saying 'To kill this girl, you have to love her' played in my head. "What if she is right? What if the more you obsess over the Slayer… it leads you down a path that results in your death?"

"That won't happen, pet." Spike spoke, petting my hair as he lay down beside me. I turned into his embrace, nose burrowing into his black tee. "I'm not leaving you."

I could only hope he turned out to be right. For so long I had made my unlife about my sire. It was only natural that I wanted him to be happy… and not a big pile of dust. "I have enough now to get your surgery. We can do it whenever you like."

Spike pulled me tighter, crushing my cheek against the fabric of his shirt. "You don't have to worry about that, pet. You keep it. Spend it on something just for you. I can take care of myself."

I pushed back, glaring at him fiercely from under his arms. "Don't be so stubborn."

He gritted his teeth as he looked down at my eyes. "Look who's talkin'."

The staring contest lasts an indeterminate amount of time before we both start twitching, trying not to smile. Then the gates were opened and raucous laughter fell out.

"Uh, Spike?" Dalton speaks from up above.

Spike sighed, petting my head one last time as he got up to deal with whatever bad news Dalton brought us. I looked once more at the mannequin, feeling that sinking sensation again in my gut. "Slayer would flip if she saw that. He's really screwed if he continues as he is now…"

"What was that, pet?" Spike called from above.

"Nothing!" I shouted, and quieter underneath my breath, "Nothing at all…"

The next week proved to me my earlier assumption as Spike still hadn't thrown out the mannequin. And the shelf he put "her" on is now covered in nicked items from the Slayer's house. I knew it would only get worse from now on. He was even beginning to freak out Dalton a bit. Which is saying something because Dalton rarely showed much in the way of emotion. Too focused on his books, most of the time, to notice Spike's latest temper tantrum.

We were out and about in the cemetery hunting vampires when we ran into the Slayer and her boytoy. Spike tackled a vamp she was about to stake. I looked up from the one I had just finished with apologetically.

"Why do I even bother to show up?" Buffy said under a sigh, but I had no problem hearing her. As well as the vampire beginning to stir behind her.

"There is one rising behind you. Might take him a bit though. He's still scratching at the lining in the coffin." I smirked at the fresh dirt behind her. "Wonder if he's panicking down there?"

I slammed my hand through the earth and broke the coffin. A male hand grasped mine and I pulled him up from the dirt as easy as picking up a dropped bag. The vampire blinked the dirt from his eyelashes, he was in gameface. I knew that meant that he's not as strong as other vampires, probably someone's minion. I signalled the slayer to wait before staking. "Where is your master? Can you feel him?"

I was wanting a little something stronger to eat than that little shrimp. Buffy looked at me warily as I had this vampire lifted above my head, crushing him against a stone angel that was hiding her eyes. "Why should I tell you?"

"I'm not going to spare you." I smiled toothily, showing off my more sleek looking game face. The teeth were sharply glinting in the moonlight. "But, I can end this quick or let my punch happy friends pulverize you first. Basically, you are screwed either way. So just tell me and you can die without too much humiliation."

The vampire bit my hand and I howled with pain and anger. I brought my other fist down hard into his chest and grab his pitiful black heart. He stopped struggling immediately. "No, wait! Don't!"

I let go of his heart and bring my bloody fingers up to my mouth to lick, I looked over at the Slayer's boo briefly because I noticed him staring at me with an almost hungry expression. I then looked at the Slayer to see if she noticed, she didn't. Well, that was certainly interesting information to have. Captain Cardboard had a blood fetish? Who would have thought it?

I finished cleaning my hand of the weak vamp's blood and asked him again, "Where is your master? And no 'I'll show you if you let me live' tripe."

"She… I can feel her calling me. She's in this cemetery… close by. I think.. that way?" He feebly pointed past Spike, who was still trading blows with the other vampire. My sire sure loved his violence.

I toss the vampire at the Slayer's feet. "Have at him."

"But you said-" The weak vampire began to protest.

"I lied, didn't I? Don't act so surprised. We are vampires."

The vampire tried to escape; half crawling, half running across the grass. But the Slayer staked him cleanly, before turning to me. "You think she's going to be any harder than that guy?"

"I hope so," I joked, "Or I'll stake myself from the boredom."

Rily piped up, "I don't think we should just trust that information. Or her for that matter."

I laughed in Riley's face. "You can trust me, Slayer. Because you can't trust me. You can always trust someone who is selfish to look after himself. It's the so-called selfless ones you have to watch out for. Who knows when they will suddenly decide that you are no longer worth the effort."

The Slayer flinched, the comment had hit home.

"Or perhaps there are no truly selfless people, vampire or otherwise…" I mused. "It's of no matter. You and I know where we both stand. As long as I keep killing only vampires and demons, you won't try to kill me for being what I am."

Spike came up behind me, placing his chin on my head. "I guess you want somethin' a bit tastier, pet? These newly risen vamps must be worse than rat blood to you. You'd have to trade flavor comparisons with Peaches on that one."

"Ew, Spike." The Slayer complained.

"What? You kissed the bloke, not me." Spike then awkwardly shifted from that subject onto another, "So, how 'bout a friendly competition on which power duo can kill this bitch first?"

"Keep out of my way, Spike. I'm not gonna take this much longer." The Slayer threatened.

"Or not so friendly competition. That's okay too." He grinned, before he realized she was being serious. "So I should do what with my time? Sit at home knitting cunning sweater sets?"

"Would it keep you out of my way?" The Slayer deadpanned.

"She's right. You shouldn't be out here when she's patrolling." The Slayer's hump bunny tried sounding tough.

I sniggered when she looked startled by Riley's presence, she had forgotten he was even there. The Slayer almost opened her mouth to say something to Riley when she seemed to change her mind.

"Ooh. I saw that. Looks like neither boy is entirely welcome. Better take him home, Slayer, make him stay there. I got knitting needles he can borrow." Spike mocked Riley, who began to furrow his brow even more in an almost passing resemblance to the Great Forehead.

"Spike, I just saw your vampkid lick heart blood and, you know what, I'm too grossed out to even hear you right now. Go home."

I didn't think being too grossed out was exactly her problem. But the Slayer and her boy were already leaving the cemetery. Spike called after them, "It's blood! It's what we do!"

He stared after them menacingly and growled low in his throat. "I will know your blood, Slayer. I will make your neck my chalice and drink deep."

I looked at him warily, it wasn't exactly out of the ordinary for a vampire to say something like that. That wasn't what worried me about what he said. It was more how he said it. Possessively. Passionately. And just a touch desperate.

I walked off towards the vampire nest of the vampire that was making minions. Eventually Spike would follow.

I crashed through the wooden door, fangs at the ready. "Who here is the idiot making weak minions?"

"I am!" A peppy blonde vampire immediately answered. "I mean, wait- I'm not an idiot. Who are you?"

Spike traipsed in behind, shaking dust off his coat.

"And who is that total hottie?" The vapid vampho squealed.

Spike looked at her and began grinning lasciviously. "Name's Spike. What's yours?"

"Harmony," The blonde said breathily as she fluttered her eyelashes at him. That was so not going to work.

"Charmed. Sorry about your minions though. Killed about four coming in here." Spike smoothly said.

The remaining two began to look really worried. One of them spoke, "That's Spike and his childe. They kill our kind. Rumor has it she even sucks our blood."

I licked one of my fangs while I stared down the one who spoke. "Myth confirmed."

The minion tried to dart past me and out the broken doorway. Spike grabbed him by the throat. "No loyalty, huh?" The minion was summarily dispatched.

"So what? Are you two going to kill me now?" Harmony spoke, sounding affronted that anyone would want to kill her.

"That very much depends," Spike said while walking over to the other vampire girl, using his luring walk. He used it all the time in Brazil, I knew what that walk meant. "What will you do to change my mind?"

"Anything." She spoke without awareness of what Spike was insinuating.

"Anything will you?" He curled his tongue behind his teeth in that way he did when he thought he was being sexy. I wanted to slap my forehead but I restrained myself.

"Yeah, I said I'd do anything…" She spoke obliviously until she suddenly got it, "Oo-oh. You mean will I have sex with you. Well, yeah!"

At this point I didn't want my fangs anywhere near her skanky ass. "Spike, the human blondes were one thing… you could just eat them. This is bad, very bad."

"What's she saying?" The ditz asked.

"Nothing important. Let's take this conversation back to my place." Spike said, ignoring my advice.

The other minion and I stare gobsmacked as they leave together. My anger boiled up within me and it broke the surface when the minion had the nerve to say, "That really sucks. She promised me I'd get some."

"That's why you were her minion?!" I screamed and launched myself at him. "You are pathetic!"

I immediately broke his nose with my fist. He struggled under me as I bit down into his neck. That just made him bleed out faster. "Wait, no! Don't kill me!"

I slammed my stake down into his heart, the dust fell onto the already dusty floor. Blood dripped off my chin and into the dust. "Sorry, not interested."

I didn't go back to the crypt that night. I settled for hanging out in the mansion, that was now covered in several years of dust. I had to clear out a few vampires that were in there. But that wasn't particularly hard because they scattered when they saw me. The blood was still on my face and I had the stake in one hand and the other hand covered with blood. Apparently they didn't want to share with someone who looked like they had stepped out of a slasher movie.

When night fell I made my way back to the crypt. I had cleaned my face and hands in the fountain before I slept for the day the night before. Being back at the mansion made me even more irritable when I got back.

"Okay, is it bigger than a bread box?" I heard Spike ask as I entered the crypt.

"No... Four left." That insipid voice spoke. At least Dru had a nice voice, a bit eerie, but nice.

"So it's smaller than a bread box?" Spike asked absently.

Harmony clapped excitedly as she spoke, "No-o! Only three."

"Harmony. Is it a sodding bread box?" Spike sounded fed up with the tramp already. I hoped the sex was good.

"Yes! Omigod, someone's blondey bear's a twenty questions genius!" Harmony was genuinely stupid. That's all there was to it.

Suddenly there was a bang on the door behind me, someone was trying to kick it open. I opened it as they prepared to kick again. Harmony launched herself comically behind a coffin. Behind the door was the Slayer in mid kick, posed quite awkwardly as well as she was surprised that I had answered the door. "May I help you?" I asked, eyebrow raised.

The Slayer put her leg down as Spike also came to the door. She cleared her throat and spoke, "I've got a proposition for you."

'What a problematic turn of phrase,' I think.

"Funny, 'cause I've got a proposition for you. What about knocking? It seems only fair considering we vamps can't enter your flat without an invite that you could at least- say, look at those pretty pieces of paper." Spike trailed off after seeing the money Buffy was waving in front of her like a fan.

"Riley's sick with some Initiative thing and he's gone missing. I think he might be in the caves. If you find him and take him to the fourth floor of the hospital, you get the money." Buffy said slowly, as if talking to a particularly stupid dog.

"Not to be rude," I spoke before Spike could, "But why can't you find him and get him there? Don't know if you noticed but we aren't exactly best buds with the guy. Plus, I doubt he'd go with us willingly anywhere."

"Remember what you were saying last night?" The Slayer asked.

"Vaguely."

"Riley's that kind of guy. Selfless. If something happens to him- I-" Buffy couldn't seem to complete her sentence.

"In that case," Spike smiled cunningly, "I think we ought to get half now."

Buffy deliberately tore the stack of bills in half and shoved one of the halves into Spike's chest. "Fine"

She leaves immediately after, as Spike pockets the money.

Harmony pops up from behind the coffin. "So? What'd she say about me?"

I gave Spike a look that clearly said, 'Really? Dumb AND Deaf?'

"We're going to steal Soldier Boys doc." Spike proclaimed a little bit later.

This time I really hit my forehead with the palm of my hand. "That's an awful idea. Just rubbish, as you would say."

"How so?" Spike looked really confused by what I said. Couldn't he see the glaring flaw in his plan? Was stupid sexually transmitted?

"The Slayer, Spike. She will be on your ass before you can get the chip out. She will find wherever you take the poor bastard, who might not even know how to get your chip out by the way, and there will be hell to pay." I look over at the remarkably silent blonde. "I guess you were going to have her do the dirty work. She doesn't stand a chance against the Slayer."

"Hey!" Harmony shouted, "No, wait- that's actually fair. She'd totally dust me. She's still mad I tried to bite Willow."

"How do you know she's still mad? Have you seen her lately?" I asked.

"Well, no…" Harmony whined, "But I hid behind a tree once when I saw her patrolling and she looked REALLY angry."

I screamed internally a moment while I processed what she said. How could he put up with this? Even for sex? "You know what? Go ahead and try it your way. I'm sure it'll all work out fine. I mean, you have such fantastic help. What's the worst that could happen? Except she finally stakes you because her pity isn't enough to spare you any longer."

"Why doesn't she just stake me?!" Spike screamed, taking out the useless bills in his pocket and throwing them on the ground. "Buffy, Buffy, Buffy! Everywhere I turn she's there, that... that nasty little face, that bouncing shampoo-commercial hair. The whole sodding holier than thou attitude…"

"Aren't we kinda unholy by defin-" Harm had begun to say. Spike's sudden movements towards her shut her up.

"She follows me, you know. Tracks me down. I'm her pet project... drive

Spike round the bend. Makes every day a fresh bout of torture." He spoke manically as he gripped Harmony tightly. Harmony winced, and he let go. But that was only so he could begin throwing other things in the crypt.

"Spike… I know. I've known for a long time. I warned you remember?" I spoke as calmly as possible, considering he was trashing the crypt.

He turns to face me, eyes wild. "You don't understand! I can't get rid of her; she's everywhere. She's haunting me."

I reached out to touch him, to maybe give him some connection to reality before he spun out completely. He grabbed me suddenly by the shoulders, and for a moment I thought he meant me harm. He spoke coldly, as if noting the rise in a certain stock for the day, "This has got to end."

I knew that couldn't mean anything good. Why must he complicate something so simple? "It will." I told him, mostly to relax his hold on my shoulders. "I will help you deal with the Slayer. She won't haunt you anymore. I promised myself long ago to help you, no matter what."

His hands lost grip and slid down my arms in a rubbery sort of way as he collapsed onto the pile of torn money. "C'mon. Let's get you to bed." I spoke as Harmony helped me move him into the bed. She began to lay down next to him and I shooed her away.

"You've done enough. Please go before I'm tempted to eat you."

I ignored her grumbling as she left and curled up on top of the sheets next to Spike. He had already passed out due to exhaustion. He obviously hadn't been sleeping well for quite some time. And I knew he wasn't eating very well either. All the classic signs were there. He had fallen hard for the one person who was the least likely to return his feelings in the history of forever.

I sung the end of a little ditty that was circling around in my head,

"_One last goodbye, he was blinded by love_

_One last goodbye, he was blinded by love_

_Blinded by love_

_He screamed with fear, he'd stayed too long in her room_

_The morning sun had come too soon_

_The spell was broken with a kiss of doom_

_He vanished into dust, left her all alone_

_Only a woman can break his spell_

_Pure in heart, who will offer herself_

_To Nosferatu_".


	4. Chapter 3

**Not Another Self Insert**

**Chapter 3**

**Breaking the Ice**

* * *

_Oh, my mind is so mixed up, goin' round 'n' round_  
_ Must there be all these colors without names,_  
_ without sounds?_  
_ My heart burns with feelin' but_  
_ Oh! but my mind is cold and reeling._

**Love Or Confusion by Jimi Hendrix  
**

* * *

In the morning, really it was sunset, I was woken up by Spike jerking upright beside me. I looked over to him, blinking wearily to see in the underground room. My eyes could see his body shaking, drenched in sweat as his eyes darted to the little shrine he had made to Buffy. He then looked over at me as I got off the bed and began to light some candles. Our eyes caught and transferred complete understanding. Words weren't needed but he spoke anyway, in a pained whisper, "God, no. Please, no."

I licked my fingers and snuffed the match. "'Fraid so."

I tossed him a new tee, one that didn't have sweat drenching it. "Question is… what do you want to do about it?"

"I have to see her." Spike spoke gently, "I have to make sure."

"Word to the wise. Don't pull a Peaches and hang about her house like an unwelcome specter." I got dressed as I spoke, suiting up in my hunting outfit. Practical black jean shorts, a Full Metal Alchemist tshirt with it's emblem emblazoned in red on the front, black leather fingerless gloves, leather waist satchels that could store bottles of holy water or stakes on the specialty loops. The cross boots were last after the tights and light black jacket. "I'm thinking that will remind her of an entirely too painful period of her life."

Spike took a quick shower in the cold water pipe we had modified for that very purpose. Hopefully it would clear his head, and he wouldn't say or do anything rash. I went up the ladder and left him to it. Dalton was already gone for his hunt. He was an early to bed, early to rise kind of vamp. Spike and I often stayed out almost until dawn. I saw Dalton's books scattered across the table in the reading nook he had set up. It was mostly research texts on slayers, their origins, the watcher's who guided them, and the rare slayer who chose to become a vampire rather than die. Some of the texts were lent to us by Rupert Giles.

It was almost too early to begin my hunt. I looked around for something to clean up in the crypt but Dalton had already beat me to the punch. He was a useful minion to have.

Spike soon climbed up the ladder behind me. He had his black nail polish in his hands. "Do you think the Slayer likes my nail polish on or off?"

"Probably off. But it's kind of up to you." I shrugged. Who was I to be giving fashion advice?

He sat down on the coffin to repaint his nails and I checked the fridge for something to force him to eat. Only pig's blood in the fridge, that and bourbon. "Want to eat before we go?"

"Nah, I'll eat after." He answered absently.

"We can go to Willie's and pick up some O neg." I mention casually.

"Nothing doing, pet. 'M not hungry."

I had hoped he would begin eating better after his realization, such did not appear to be the case. I closed the door to the mini fridge and watched something on the telly while he painted his nails. A few minutes later he spoke, "Ready to go, pet? Moonlights a'wasting."

"Yep."

It was fully dark outside when we ran into the Slayer. She was walking home with a strange glowy ball in her hands.

"Hi, Buffy." Spike spoke dopily.

"Spike!" Buffy turned around, still holding the ball.

"Got yourself a quest item, I see." I commented on the object in her hands.

"Oh, this thing?" Buffy said breezily, "Picked it up in a deserted warehouse after I dusted this vamp."

"Looks magical." I shrugged, "Or it's a kid's night light,"

Spike was still staring at the Slayer goofily, like a boy with his first crush. Buffy hadn't noticed yet. Somehow.

"Figure I'll have Giles take a look at it in the morning when I swing by the Magic Box for it's Grand Opening." Buffy finally looked at Spike, "Is he drunk?"

I sighed. "Of a sort, yes. Anyway, we will probably see you there. Giles thought Spike and I might be of some assistance with the little problem we have with our auras. He has a spell he wants to try and we also have to be there."

She waved goodbye and headed off back to her house. Spike called after her, "Bye, Buffy!"

I merely looked at him with a critical eye. "What was that? I thought you were good at talking to girls?"

He shook his head clear and his demon face came forward, but he was only using it to continue staring at her as she walked away. "She said my name."

His head was too much in the clouds to be useful for that night's hunt. Thankfully I didn't need him. We stopped off at Willie's after for a pint of blood for him. A few demons gave us the stink eye, but none of them wanted to mess with us when we were together.

The next day we went over to the Magic Box, just after sunset, to do this Tirer de Couture spell that Anya had mentioned to Giles while they were looking up possible causes for the aura scism. Spike immediately became the same bashful self he had been the other night when he saw Buffy studying with Willow. This time I pinched him on the arm. He stopped staring goofily at the Slayer at least.

"Good, you made it." Giles spoke as he was finishing up helping a customer. "We will be closing in a few minutes. Everyone make your final purchases and exit in an orderly fashion."

Soon enough the shop was empty except for the Scooby Gang, Spike, and I.

"I cleared out a space in the practice room for us to do the spell. Well, it's really more of a meditation." Giles spoke as he led us onto the mat and handed us all our magic sand and incense.

Dawn was there to be our control, only she had to stay in the main portion of the shop as we meditated. Yeah, she didn't think that was very fun either. Joyce was out on the town and couldn't watch her anyway.

At first I didn't think it would work. It seemed too new age-y to be a real spell. But it did. I was tripping the light fantastic, as I looked around me the room had a sort of gelatinous quality, and all I could hear was a muted hum, as if listening to the sound of a computer running while cotton balls were stuffed in your ears. Then I could hear a hiss from the next room, like a TV on static.

Everyone else was getting up as well around me, and we made our way into the shop proper. The lights seemed brighter, or maybe the objects more reflective? It was hard to tell, even harder to focus on thinking about it. I was the first one through the door. That's where I stopped, because I saw something very much out of place, shimmering in and out of existence while working on homework that was doing the same. The bookbag at her feet also seemed to be doing the quantum shuffle.

"What is it?" I heard behind me. "We can't see."

I stepped backwards into the practice room again and quietly shut the door. "Bad news. It's your sister, Buffy. She is the source."

The Slayer moved forward slowly, in the same trance that I am. "What do you mean she's the source?"

"I mean her existence isn't stable. It must have recently been created." I opened the door a crack and let her peer out at her sister before I shut the door again. "She could be dangerous."

Buffy was in shock. "She's not my real sister. You mean someone faked all my memories of us together? Who would do such a thing? Why?"

Giles slowly cleaned his glasses, making them extra glint-y. "It's possible she doesn't know… Maybe she's unaware of her mystical origins. We can't rule out some kind of nefarious plot. But there is no reason why we should be treating her any differently."

"Want me to go and try to take a nibble? Make sure the Niblet is really human?" Spike offered.

Buffy nodded, but didn't look too happy about it. We watched warily as Spike approached the flickering Dawn. He bent down, preparing to bite, before falling backwards on his ass in pain. Dawn looked at him and us like we were mad as hatters, before going back to her homework. Her voice came to us slightly distorted as she spoke, "Witchcraft sure is weird."

When Spike came back, and we closed the door once again, we all just looked at one another, uncertain of what to do now. Tara had been looking slightly worried at the beginning of this but was more relaxed now. I wondered briefly what was up with that.

"I g-guess now we know why D-dawn wasn't affected. All of her memories come from this spell. Question is, w-when was she created?" Tara spoke with minimal stuttering.

I could remember the green light now, outside of Buffy's house. "After we chased Dracula out of town. I remember this light."

Buffy and Spike nodded beside me. "Yeah, that's when I suddenly changed what I was going to say to you. I was going to say something else then -BOOM- green light happened."

"I don't remember a green light, but I must have been asleep." Giles spoke, then he turned to Xander and Anya. "What about you two?"

Xander coughed awkwardly, "Yeah, us too… Completely asleep, yeah."

"No we weren't, Xander! I was just finishing giving you the most amazing-" Anya couldn't finish that sentence as a blushing Xander clapped his hand over her mouth.

"Like I said, asleep." Xander covered.

I rolled my eyes. Was he embarrassed that he had an awesome sex life with a remarkably attractive woman? If only everyone could be so lucky. Spike snickered beside me at the man's discomfort.

That left Tara and Willow, who were also blushing. And Riley, who was looking a bit put out that he wasn't having all night sex at the time. At least Giles wasn't pouting about being left out of the festivities. Then again, his lady friend was probably still in London since the last time she had visited.

"Anyway…" Buffy awkwardly interrupted the tension. "Let's just go back in there and pretend like it didn't work."

By that time the trance state had worn off and we all go traipsing back into the main part of the shop like ants marching, until we can safely scatter. Dawn was looking at something in a jar that may have been a rabbit fetus or a strange kind of tuber. "Done with homework then?" I asked while peering down at her open textbook and spiral notebook. "Find x huh? That doesn't look too hard."

Dawn's chin dropped to her chest. "Harder than it looks, trust me."

I briefly think of trying to figure it out on my own but I had other plans scheduled for the night. "It looks like you have to make a few equilateral triangles and a few isosceles. Hint, hint."

Her head jerked up. "You're right. I forgot about those! Thanks."

"No problem," I spoke, as I headed toward the door. "Good luck with the shop, Rupes."

"Hmm?" Giles had been staring at Dawn awkwardly, as if he didn't know what to think of her now. "Oh, yes. Thank you for your well wishes. Shop here anytime."

"Spike?" I asked, trying to get his attention. "Demon's aren't going to punch themselves." I smirk sardonically. "Probably."

He looked a bit reluctant to part ways with Buffy. "Buffy, if you wanted to come with, I happen to know of a fairly large nest that Spike and I were planning to raid."

She looked between Riley and I, concerned she might be breaking some rule if she went with us. "You might as well go." Riley grumbled, "I'm not yet in any condition to fight a strong breeze, let alone a vampire."

The Slayer got her coat and we left for this warehouse I passed one time that had vampires waiting to get inside it. Like a secret vampire club. Dalton confirmed it when he got an invite a few nights back. I did wonder why Spike and I were never invited, but that could be due to our notoriety.

"You won't be able to get there on your own, Slayer." Spike spoke as we headed to the destination. "They must have a warlock in there doing some serious hocus pocus. Makes it right impossible to find for a mortal like yourself."

"I've dealt with witches before." The Slayer spoke tersely. "Mommy Dearest style witch in fact."

The rest of the way, which was a walk to Spike's car and a drive to where abouts we had seen it last, was silent. Spike tried to play some music but Buffy turned it off. Soon enough Spike and I picked up the magical signature of the place. I waved my hand out and found the threshold. The spell shimmered and cleared, leaving a particularly nondescript warehouse in its place. I went around to the back exit, where I saw a vampire leaving from. Just before the door closed I grabbed it. Buffy and Spike soon went through the door, with myself following. There was an empty hallway, with a door at the end which had loud thumping music coming through it.

"Yep, secret club." I spoke as we walked the length of the hallway. "Totally not a trap."

Buffy looked at me strange.

"Maybe it just seems like one to me."

I pressed on through the door, the music was so loud I could no longer hear the Slayer's heartbeat. "I'm going to do a bit of recon. You two dance." I told them. "And make it look convincing. I don't plan on dying tonight."

I shimmy on up to the bar, it's almost always where you will find your best information. I wait my turn and place my order. "Tall glass of bourbon and a Mojito."

The bartender doesn't give me any lip about my age, we're fucking vampires for fucks sake, and completes my order. I returned to Buffy and Spike with the drinks, and what I had overheard at the bar. They were dancing fairly close, but they had to with how the place was packed.

I get their attention with the drinks and move us over to a table where I don't have to scream into their ears. Buffy picks up her Mojito quite eagerly, looking nowhere near Spike now. Spike eventually picks up his when I refuse to begin speaking until they've both had a sip. "It's sort of a safe haven bar. No violence of any kind in here or the instigator gets the shock of his life. Won't be able to do anything in here… but just outside the boundary is fair game. I reckon you could also rig the place to go boom." I shrug, "Of course that'll kill the humans. And non violent demons as well."

Buffy looked around with scrutiny, "You mean to tell me humans come here willingly?"

"Yeah," I point to the stairs behind the bar to a second level. "Up there is a place humans can pay to get sucked on. It has looser magic than down here. But it's based on consent. So, if the human consents to the blood sucking, it can happen. You also have to be led here by what amounts to a vamp streetwalker."

Buffy's eyes were wide with disbelief. "I try to protect these people from vampires every night and they turn around and just let the vamps eat them?"

She turned to Spike. "Did you know about this?"

"Not this one in particular… But it's a popular practice, dating as far back as regular prostitution some say." Spike drank a bit more of his bourbon. "Never really interested me to have someone pay for me to suck them. Mostly because both the clientele and the provider of the service are usually weak. And on a veritable cocktail of drugs. Sure it's fun to get a little second hand buzz sometimes, but some of the stuff they have will make you battier than Dru."

"Too weird." The slayer spoke, halfway through with her drink. "I guess there isn't anything we can do about this then. I'm not going to endanger humans to kill these demons. Even if they are suicidally stupid."

They finished their drinks and we left to find vampires elsewhere. Buffy separated from us after giving us a wave goodbye. She probably still found it too weird to watch me hunt. I didn't begrudge her for it though. Spike and I ran across a demon on our way home, he was this floppy eared thing carrying a bag of cheetos and a basket of kittens. Spike held me back from attacking him, claiming he was of the mostly harmless variety. Some vampire started hassling him though, trying to steal his kittens.

The demon looked surprised when I attacked the vampire right in front of him with my fangs. "You're her! The girl. The Vampire Slayer."

"Of a sort, mate. The living, breathing article is in another cemetery." Spike spoke as the vampire and I thrashed around on the wet grass. "That's my childe. She's just a bit peculiar in her blood preferences."

My demonic golden eyes flashed in the dark as the vampire lost too much blood to fight. It was strange what the difference in a few pints of blood could do. I released my fangs from his neck and got up. He looked relieved that it was over for a second, before my stake came down on his heart. "Hi."

The floppy eared demon waved rather hesitantly at me.

"Oh, don't worry, I don't drink from regular demons. Just the stolen blood of vampires. Anyway, I saw that vamp trying to take your poor wittle kitties and I had to do something. Aww, I think you lost one. It's running away. I'll get it."

I soon scooped up the little grey furball with big blue eyes and returned to Spike and the weird floppy demon.

"You keep it." The demon spoke genially. "I owe you that much."

"I'm Clem, by the way. Hope I see you two again sometime. Nice meeting you, Spike."

We couldn't just keep a kitten in the Crypt so we did a little bit of shopping before returning. Dalton was scratching at his papers by the candlelight, reminding me of a vampire Edgar Allen Poe. He briefly welcomed us back before returning to work, not even commenting on the kitten in my arms. Spike put down the scratching post and hid the bags of food and kitty litter in the coffin Dalton wasn't using to sleep. I sat her down on the floor to roam and explore, while I set up a safe area for the kitty to eat and sleep, as well as use the litter box.

"I hope you aren't allergic to cats, Dalton." I glibly said as I played with the kitty and a piece of string.

He briefly looked up from his books and papers. "I don't need to breathe. In any case, I'm not sure vampires can have allergies. Do you remember sneezing since you were turned?"

Now that he mentioned I hadn't sneezed at all in the past four years. "Nope. Hey! You should write about that. The Perks of Being a Vampire. No more allergies."

Soon enough the sun started rising in the sky so we retired to the bed down below. I stayed up to read for a little bit while Spike exercised. Even Vampires have to watch their physique. My eyelids drooped and I fell asleep with the book in my hands.


	5. Chapter 4

**Not Another Self Insert**

**Chapter 4**

**Of Monsters, Slayers, and Kittens**

* * *

_Waves crash along_  
_ The battered, lonely lighthouse_  
_ Tomorrow she's gone_  
_ And if not, someday somehow_  
_ Are these hands a waste_  
_ Well this side of mortality is_  
_ Scaring me to death_  
_ To death_

**Soldier On by The Temper Trap**

* * *

I woke up some hours later when I heard a loud thump by the bed, it was just the book falling on the floor. Spike was still asleep beside me, mumbling in his sleep. I picked the book up and placed it on the nightstand. It was still daylight so I rolled over and curled up next to my sire. He reached out to me in his sleep, kissing the top of my head. The next thing I knew it was time to get up again. Dalton was moving about on the first floor. I heard the word slayer and I knew I had to get up. Spike beat me up the ladder.

I was last to the scene. Buffy was looking queerly at Spike who was holding my new kitty. "What on earth are you doing with a cat, Spike?"

"Oh, I like to add fresh cat to the blood for flavor." Spike said sarcastically. "What do you think I'm doing with a cat? It's my childe's pet, innit."

Buffy looked at me as I came up the ladder in last nights clothes. "Hello," I spoke with a slight smile to my face, "What did you need, Slayer?"

"I thought I'd take you up on your offer. Two slayers are better than one, right? Plus Giles wants to see you at the Magic Box. He'd have come here but he's been incredibly busy with running his new shop." Buffy looked incredibly anxious for some reason.

"Sure, i'll just go put on something less… wrinkled."

When I got back up there Dalton must have left and Spike was actually talking quietly with the Slayer. They were talking about Dawn. Spike already knew she was 'different' now the Slayer was telling him about the Slayer Dream she had had.

"-and I'm just supposed to accept they sent her here to my reality to protect her from some God of another reality. A God they trapped in a world made entirely of shrimp. Either that was a really weird dream or… it was prophetic. As long as Dawn doesn't know the powers she possesses… we'll be safe, right?"

Spike had the kitten curled up asleep on his lap and the Slayer leaning casually against a coffin nearby. "Can't be so sure of that, Buffy. It could be she needs to know so that she doesn't tear a hole through reality on accident. Especially since she's also a teenage girl. Wouldn't you want to know? What if she finds out in the worst possible way? Wouldn't she resent the people she trusted if they didn't tell her?"

Spike made some very good points. He was usually very good about that when it was other people's emotions. I finished putting on my stake belt and addressed the Slayer. "He's probably right about Dawn."

Buffy still looked doubtful. "She's still my baby sister. No matter if they faked the memories or not. I'm not sure I want her to be burdened like I am."

I threw on my coat and made for the door. "I don't think you have much of a choice."

The outside air was crisp with fall approaching; I could smell the leaves dying on the trees. It was strange to be on the hunt without my sire. Especially because Buffy Summers was with me instead. It gave me time to observe her without his influence causing her to become prickly. She was incredibly withdrawn, and it didn't seem like her natural state. A lot must have been on her mind. It took her some time before she began speaking, for which I waited patiently and listened for the slightest noise that would signal a demon or vampire was near.

"How does Spike always seem to know when I'm lying? Is it a vampire thing?" She asked apropos of nothing. "I can't delude myself any longer about having to lie to Dawn to protect her. I know what that's like myself. It led to me losing Angel. If I had known back then that I had the power to make him lose his soul… I may have chosen differently. I would have still loved him… But I wouldn't have let him in like I did back then."

I remained quiet, knowing that this was the kind of conversation that doesn't require both people to speak.

"But what if we tell her and she reacts differently? What if she begins to use her powers to do bad things. I can't just slay my sister." Buffy sounded legitimately worried that it may come to that.

"I don't think that will be a problem. Dawn is… a good girl. She cares too much about the people around her to endanger them by misusing her powers. All you need to do is love her and tell her the truth. Everything else will iron itself out." I looked away as I said the next bit, "You wouldn't be asked to do the dirty work yourself if it came down to the world or your sister anyway. I suspect Giles would have someone else in mind."

"Do you mean you?" The slayer asked, voice tight with emotion.

"He might ask me, but I would say no." I looked back at Buffy, willing her to see the truth in my eyes. "Even if Spike could, he'd say no as well. We both believe that there is always time to redeem someone… so long as they live. It is the dead who are forever damned. We believe in Dawn. She's just a girl, first and foremost. Her powers are something she can grow into using. Anyone who sees powers first when they look at her has the mindset of using people as tools. Might as well be the Watcher's Council at that point. They wouldn't tell her the truth either."

I whipped out a stake from my belt and said one more thing, "She has a good role model, thanks to you."

After a quick scuffle with an easily dispatched vampire, which I refrained from drinking from so as not to squick Buffy, we found ourselves at the Magic Box.

"Ah, there you two are." Giles spoke cheerily, putting down the book he was reading. "Buffy told you about her dream, I take it?"

"Very briefly." I looked over to a smiling Anya who was counting the money. "It's always a surprise to find someone who genuinely enjoys retail."

Willow, Xander, and Tara were all there as well, helping with research. But mostly eating donuts. "You missed it, Buffy. Tara's dad was just in here when she told him to leave for trying to brainwash her. It was beautiful." Xander said, popping a jelly donut in his mouth.

"She was beautiful," Willow spoke fondly.

"It was n-nothing." Tara blushed.

I gave Tara a thumbs up and looked back at Giles. "So, Slayer dreams, huh? I wonder… It's probably not important. You have Buffy for things like that."

Giles looked at me with concern. "Have you been having strange dreams? Even after you were turned?"

I laughed. "Giles, I always have strange dreams. It's a bother for me to figure out when they might mean something."

The Slayer laughed as well. "Trust me. You'll know. There is a sort of urgent quality to the Slayer dreams. You know that feeling you get when you are sure you have forgotten something but can't remember what? It's like that, but worse."

"It's strange seeing you take an interest in Slayer training, Buffy. I must say you have grown up so much these last five years. It's a welcome change of pace." Giles smiled warmly at his charge.

Buffy waved it off. "I have to be ready. I get that now. I can't just wait for the next big thing to take a bite out of me. It may be a pain in the ass to be the Slayer but… It's also a gift. I mean, I wouldn't have you guys as friends if I weren't the Slayer. I'd still be that shallow little girl on the steps at Hemery. Although, probably at UCLA… given my age and I'm rambling... please stop me."

"I understand." I said while carving designs into my favourite stake. "Each step we make leads us somewhere new that our past self would have never imagined. For some of us... this is even more true than for others."

It was understood that I was referring to my turning and coming to Sunnydale as a major change in the course of my life. "Consider if Willow had never discovered magic. Or if Tara hadn't come to UC Sunnydale. Or Giles hadn't been assigned to Buffy. Or Xander… hadn't taken a chance on a lonely former vengeance demon. What would the future look like if any of those things had not happened? I'm going to say… not good."

Everyone looked grim for a moment; Except Anya, she was still happily counting the money.

"What if Spike had never come to Sunnydale to kill his third Slayer?" I asked quietly, "Some bad things may have not happened. But equally so some bad things would not have been averted."

Xander looked about ready to challenge me on that point before Giles spoke. "You may have a point about that. But one can hardly say that gives us reason to trust him. He acted purely out of self-interest."

"Most beings act out of self-interest. Very rarely will you find one who acts against his own interests." I was tempted to debate the matter with Giles but knew not many in the room would be interested. "I see no reason for you to trust him though. But if you rattle a beasts cage enough, it will bite."

"Are you saying we shouldn't antagonize him?" Giles asked curiously. "What good will that do?"

"Spike… Spike is at a crossroads right now. He's always been exactly what Dru needed. But now that Dru doesn't need him, he's contemplating switching allegiances. It's been a possibility for some time now… but the chip is making it easier for him to adjust to the idea of it. He's not like Angelus where the addition or subtraction of a soul is his primary motivator. Spike is different in that he chooses what to do based on how the people he loves will react. Without Dru around… he's likely to go with whatever will gain him the most respect. If you antagonize him that may make him seek out demons to impress." I put away the stake before I whittled it to bits and looked back up at my audience. "Right now he's loyal to me. And I'm exploring the possibility of helping you guys out when needed, so he will reluctantly do the same. I don't want to have to pull back on this should you decide you can't deal with Spike. We're kind of a package deal."

"Who says we need you?" Xander finally spoke his mind.

Buffy looked between Giles, Xander, and me with confliction. I could tell she wanted to have me on the team, weird blood thing or no, but didn't want to disappoint her friends or Watcher.

Giles looked disapprovingly at Xander. "She could very well be a valuable resource. Her strength alone is greater even than Buffy's. We do know she has a stabilizing effect on Spike. If she removed that… the damage would be immeasurable. It's better to keep her close than to wonder what she's up to, wouldn't you agree Buffy?"

Buffy was pleasantly surprised Giles was asking her what her opinion was on something tactical. "Totally agree! It's as I always say: Keep your friends close, and your blood sucking fiends closer. Not that you are a fiend… at least, not a super fiendish one."

"Then it's settled." I spoke while smiling toothily. "We all agree I'm not on the 'to stake list'."

Xander looked like he very much wanted to disagree but couldn't think of a good enough reason. Tara and Willow were ambivalent. And Anya still had money. "Oh, let her be Xander. She hasn't even killed any humans. I've killed thousands." Anya said, much to my surprise.

"And we all would like to forget you ever did those things, Ahn." Xander reprimanded.

"It's a part of the reason she is here today. You should respect that at least." I quietly said, not wanting to incite further argument.

Spike came through the doors not long after I said that, preventing further conversation on that topic. "'Lo, all. I'm here for my childe."

"Hey, Spike." Willow answered, apparently heeding my advice to some degree. "Buffy tells me you have a kitten."

Spike lost some of his swagger. "It's not mine- It's hers."

"Don't worry, we don't think you are any less of a big, scary vampire because you like cute, fluffy kittens." Tara added.

"You taking the mick, Glinda?" Spike looked affronted.

"Only a little." She said while genuinely smiling.

That's when I noticed that Tara wasn't stuttering as much anymore. Even talking to Spike she was much calmer. Buffy just wasn't speaking at all to Spike, or looking at him for that matter.

"Right then. We should be off." Spike spoke awkwardly, glancing occasionally in the direction of the Slayer. "Unless there is something else, Watcher?"

Giles waved him off distractedly. "Nothing pressing. I had planned to see how Buffy fared against her in a fight, no fangs or stakes, but that can wait for another night."

"Ta, then Watcher." Spike spoke merrily as he strode back out the door, just as Riley was coming in.

"What's he doing here?" Riley demanded.

"Leaving," Buffy said with a touch of finality.

"And Buffy-" I added as I was slipping out the door.

"Yeah?" She asked, taking her eyes off a grumpy looking Riley.

"Prepare to get your ass kicked." I said, and closed the door.

Spike gave me a high five on the other side of the door. "Well done, pet. Let's go get you some nibbles."

The next week goes by quietly, without a peep from the Slayer or her Slayerettes. I was starting to wonder if they were just not interested in our bargain. But, while Spike was watching Passions with the kitten, the Slayer stormed in. The kitten shot out of Spike's lap to hide behind the coffin I was resting against. It was a good thing too, because the Slayer had him pushed against the wall in a matter of seconds.

"Ow! Wait. Not ow. You feeling all right, Slayer? That stuff usually hurts…" Spike spoke, face pressed against the wall.

"Don't even start, Spike." Buffy warned.

"What do you -"

"Slayers. You killed two of them."

"Three." I spoke, drawing attention to myself. "There's no need to rough him up by the way. Unless you just like doing it."

"I did." Spike warily answered Buffy.

"You're gonna show me how." Buffy proclaimed, a fierce look on her face.

I quizzically looked between Spike and Buffy. "What flew up your bonnet?"

Buffy backed off of Spike, letting him have unneeded breathing room. "I just want to know."

"Alright, I'll do the show and tell. But first we are going to need some libations. I don't talk on a dry mouth." Spike spoke while throwing on his jacket.

"Fine." Buffy agreed all too quickly. "The Bronze?"

"That was the general idea." Spike replied, making his way out the door. I watched the Slayer go out first while Spike held the door. "Well, are you coming or not, pet?"

"Oh! I thought-" I grinned abashedly, "Nevermind what I thought. Sure, I'll go."

The bronze was packed but Spike managed to get us in a cozy corner room with nice couches to relax on. He got us each a drink as well, non-alcoholic for me.

"You know, there's quite a few American beers that are highly underrated." Spike mused, while holding his bottle, which he soon puts down. "This unfortunately is not one of them."

"Update, Spike: we're not here to discuss the fine choice of hops." Buffy spoke, while pulling out a wad of cash to make her point. "It's about two Slayers. One in China during the Boxer Rebellion. One in New York. Both got killed…"

Spike reached for the money, but was too late as Buffy had already taken it back. "By you. Tell the tale, you get the cash."

"Right. You want to learn all about how I bested the Slayers, and you want to learn fast. All right then: We fought, I won, the end, pay up." Spike looked fairly belligerent.

But Buffy just looked angry when she answered, "You know that's not what I…"

"What did you want? Eh? A quick demo? Blow-for-blow description you can map out and memorize? Pft. It's not about the moves, Love. And since I agreed to your little proposition, we're going to do this my way. Wings." He crossed his arms and smirked at her flabbergasted expression.

"What?"

"Spicy buffalo wings. Order me up a plate, I'm feeling peckish." He spoke in a way in which he knew would annoy her.

Buffy glared, predictably, but attempted to flag down a waitress anyway. She winced as she lifted her arm, which Spike and I both noticed. Not that we didn't already smell a trace of her blood.

"As I thought. Some nasty thing got a taste of you." Spike leered.

"Don't get excited. I'm fine." Buffy tried to sound tough and together.

Problem was, Spike could see through such charades as easy as most people see colors, probably better. "Right, stuck in a dark corner with the creature you loathe, digging up past uglies. 'Cause you're "fine.""

"Just tell me what I want to know." Buffy demanded somewhat petulantly, or at least it seemed that way from my perspective.

"I told you, no one's narrating on an empty stomach here…" Spike gave her the ultimatum; no wings, no story.

"Were you born this big a pain in the ass?"

"What can I tell you, baby? I've always been bad." Spike said in a low tone of voice meant to invoke fear, or lust. I mostly just wanted to laugh, but couldn't.

Spike goes into a sort of reverie as he tells of his turning by Drusilla. How she found him and saw in him what no one else had, except perhaps his mother. We ate some wings in the mean time, but I grew restless, so we started a game of pool.

"Nine in the side." He spoke right before he took the shot and sunk it in the hole. He put a cigarette in his mouth at the end of his turn.

"So you traded up on the food chain. Then what?" Buffy spoke disinterestedly.

"Nah, please, don't make it sound like something you'd flip past on the Discovery Channel. Becoming a vampire is a profound and powerful experience. I could feel this new strength coursing through me. Getting killed made me feel really alive for the very first time. I was through living by society's rules. Decided to make a few of my own. 'Course, in order to do that…" Spike paused to light a match off the pool table, and with it lit his cigarette. He puffed on it once and smiled through a cloud of smoke. "I had to get myself a gang."

He then tells the story of when he first heard about _her_: the Slayer. This time, he can't keep the grin off his face as he remembered each and every detail.

"After that, I was obsessed. I mean, to most vampires, the Slayer was this object of cold sweat and frightened whispers. But I never hid. Hell, I sought her out. I mean, if you're looking for fun, there's Death, there's Glory, and sod all else, right?" He shrugged, thinking nothing of going against one of the most powerful entities in the world. "I was young."

He moved behind her as she spoke, "So how'd you kill her?"

He hissed in her ear, dangerously, "Funny you should ask."

He grabbed her by the neck. She reached for the pool cue, lightning fast, but he was faster and had her by the wrist. She whirled to face him and I could see the slight fear she still had around him in her eyes. But he was looking at her much differently, like something special. I waited to take my shot because the moment was too tense.

"Lesson the first: a Slayer must always reach for a weapon." He shook into his game face, and spoke, "I've already got mine."

I took my shot, breaking some of the tension.

He gently took the pool cue from her as she stayed completely still, and backed off a bit. "Good thing, too. Become a vampire, there's nothing to

fear. Nothing but one girl. That's you, honey. Back then…"

He stared down at the pool table, preparing to take his shot, an abstract smile on his face, "...It was her."

He told the story with even more glee than he'd previously shown as we made our way back to the table, and Spike ordered some shots of tequila. Buffy looked at him with growing disgust, particularly at the slayer blood being an aphrodisiac part.

"It was the best night of my life." Spike finished, sounding particularly proud of himself. "And I've had some sweet ones."

He finally noticed Buffy's look of undisguised hatred. "What are you looking at?"

"You got off on it." Buffy looked like she might just leave right then and there. Some force seemed to keep her glued to her chair.

"Well, _yeah_. Suppose you're telling me you don't? How many of my kind, reckon you've done?" Spike didn't see the problem. It was really simple, if you saw things from the Slayer's perspective. "How many have you killed, pet?"

"Not enough." She answered.

"I could say the same."

"And we just keep coming. Like a wave of roaches, and here you are doing a minute waltz, trying to stomp us all. But you can kill a hundred. A thousand. A thousand thousand and the armies of Hell besides. But all we need…"

He eyes her seductively, and moves closer. Buffy doesn't back down from his challenge. Instead meeting his eyes unerringly. "...Is for one of us, just one, sooner or later, to have the thing we all are hoping for."

"And that would be what?" She asked, keeping her composure.

Spike gestured for her to lean a little bit closer so he could whisper in her ear. "One. Good. Day."

Buffy shoved him hard, back into the seat, and her walls were raised back up.

"What? You asked and I'm telling. Problem with you, Summers is you've gotten so good, you're starting to think you're immortal." He spoke, taking her violence in stride. It probably hurt her worse than him anyway.

"No really. I just know I can handle myself." Buffy spoke, trying to sound as self assured as she was before this conversation.

"Huh. Then how you explain _this_?" Spike said, as he quickly poked her in her injury. They both scream slightly in pain while grabbing their wounds. I apologize with my eyes to several patrons who are looking at my Sire and at Buffy like they are a freakish couple.

Buffy recovered her breath, and glared at Spike, "So that it? Lesson over?"

"Not even close." He answered, grabbing up a pool cue and making for the alleyway. Buffy and I followed, curious what he would have to say next. They began to spar.

"Give it to me." Buffy spoke, her tone of voice brooking no argument.

Spike lunged at her, they tussle a moment, until Buffy got him pinned against the wall. I stood at the ready, in case he needed me to keep him from going Poof.

They were both breathing heavily, although he doesn't need to, and he laughed in her face.

"What?" Buffy backed off, letting him spin off the wall, as she signalled him to "come and get it".

"Lesson the second: ask the right questions. You want to know how I beat 'em." Spike smirked, playing with the cue. "The question isn't "how'd I win."

The question is why'd they lose?"

"What's the difference?" Buffy asked, not getting it.

Spike spinned the cue around his hand and shoved it right under her chin, stopping just shy of her skin. "There's a big difference, luv."

Buffy merely swats the cue away, sending it clattering across the ground twenty feet away. "How'd you kill the second one?"

"Bit like this." Spike said, as he threw three punches in rapid succession at her head. Buffy dodged them all.

"That didn't hurt?" She sounded worried for a moment that maybe the chip wasn't working anymore.

"Knew I couldn't touch you. If there's no intent to hurt you, then the chip they shoved up my brain never activates. If, on the other hand…" Spike put on his vamp face and threw another punch at Buffy. This time not holding back. His chip fired and he stumbled back, holding his head and screaming in pain. His vamp face disappears as he laughed at his own stupidity. "See, now that hurt."

"Yeah?"

Spike turned to Buffy, still grinning. She punched him without warning, and taunted, "That hurt, too?"

"Oh, so good." He said with a touch of irony.

She punched him again, and asked, "How 'bout that?"

"Definite pain there." He answered from the ground, still smiling although it was obvious she was starting to really do some damage to him.

"How'd you kill 'em, Spike?" She threatened.

Spike tried to hit Buffy. In one move she twisted Spike's arm, flipped him, and pinned him to the ground. In a flash she was on top of him, straddling him, and had pulled a stake out and held it hovering over him. Both of them were breathing hard. I was tense, wondering if I would have to kill the Slayer to protect my Sire.

He didn't look worried so I stayed put, leaning against the brick wall.

"You're not ready to know." He taunted her.

Buffy steeled herself and answered him firmly, "I'm ready."

I watched as she brought the stake even lower, pressing it against his chest. Spike spoke quickly after that, "Okay then. Went like this:"

He mimicked that fight, almost blow for blow, all the while speaking to the Slayer. "The first one was all business. But the second - now she had a touch of your style."

They exchange a volley of fists back in forth that mirrored the fight he had with Nikki in the past. "She was cunning, resourceful, and oh, did I mention? _Hot_. I could have danced all night with that one."

"You think we're dancing?" Buffy asked in genuine confusion.

Spike smiled slightly, licking the blood off his split lip, as he softly spoke, "It's all we've ever done."

Spike picked up the pool cue, and began spinning it around, as he spoke. "Every day you wake up it's the same bloody question what haunts you: Is today the day I die? It's a warrior's pain, a warrior's question and you

ask it…"

Buffy looked pissed, and threw a punch. It landed square on his face, but he only barely staggered back from the force of it. He continued his lesson: "...every time the sun rises. And every day you manage to survive, you're only partly relieved because you know - it's just a matter of time.

"Death is on your heels baby - and, sooner or later, it's going to catch you…" Spike advanced on Buffy, still remembering his fight with Nikki.

"And some part of you wants it. Not only to stop the fear and the uncertainty - but because you're just a little bit in love with it.

"Death is your art. You make it with your hands, day after day.

That final gasp, that look of peace…" He was now within touching distance. She didn't back down.

"Part of you is desperate to know… What's it like? Where does it lead you? That's also a warrior's question. A warrior's curiosity." He pushed a bit of her hair behind her ear. His eyes were still abstractly visiting some past glory.

"So you see, that's the secret. Not the punch she didn't throw or the kick she didn't land. She simply wanted it. Every Slayer has a deathwish." Spike looked over at me for a moment as he said this, perhaps remembering my turning. How I gave myself over freely, because there wasn't anything left for me that I wanted to be alive to experience. I led him to me so that I could die. So that my fear of what I could become could die as well.

Spike looked back at Buffy, "Even you.

"The only reason you've lasted as long as you have is, you've got ties to the world. Your Mum. Brat kid sister. Scoobies. They tie you here but you're just putting off the inevitable. Sooner or later, you're gonna want it and the second, the _second_…" Spike clapped his hands in front of her frozen face, she flinched as the air hit her, "...that happens, I pray to God I'm there. I'll slip in - have myself a real good day."

My gut was clenched in fear, what would she do to retaliate against that?

"Here endeth the lesson. I just wonder if you'll like it as much as she did-" It was obvious he meant all three of us. His dead Slayers.

"No. This is all- You're wrong." Buffy attempted to deny.

I stepped off from the wall and made my way over to them, while I said, "He's not. Not completely anyway. When the fire goes out of you, that's when you are at your most vulnerable. When you start to think: maybe it'd be better if I wasn't here at all? That can really slip a person up. Especially one who puts her life on the line every night she goes out. If you aren't fighting to stay alive, what are you fighting for? You lose that basic drive… even for a second… and that may be your last fight."

Buffy backed away from us both. "And how am I supposed to fight that? I can't fight myself while I'm fighting monsters."

Spike shrugged, losing some of the intensity he had displayed before. "Find something in life that you want to live for… don't let it slip away."

"I have that already, don't I? Why'd I lose focus in that moment?" Buffy sounded a bit lost, not sure of anything anymore. "I have people I love, people who love me..."

Spike eyed her somewhat knowingly, "But do you still have the fire- The passion? Or are you just going through the motions?"

Buffy looked like she wanted to say she had Riley, but couldn't. She handed Spike the money and left, too distracted to really snipe at him one last time.

Spike pocketed the money, and we headed for the crypt. Spike stopped us midway there and slapped his forehead. "I just remembered. Joyce wanted us to stop by before she leaves. If we book it, we may be able to get there on time."


	6. Chapter 5

**Not Another Self Insert**

**Chapter 5**

**Girl Talk**

* * *

_Wouldn't it be good if you could stay_

_But I know you can't_

_And I know you wouldn't anyway_

_Oh I know you have to go_

_Yes I know you have to go_

_So why won't you take me_

_With you_

**Back to You by Coconut Records**

* * *

At the Slayer's house we heard the two Summers women, excluding Dawn, talking upstairs. It was too hard to make out what they were saying, but it sounded serious. We rang the doorbell and waited on the porch awkwardly staring at the siding. Buffy came pounding down the stairs, she wrenched the door open and glared at us both. "What is it now?"

Her eyes betray her with the tears that snuck out while she wasn't aware. Spike softened beside me. "Joyce wanted to see us. What's wrong?"

"I don't want to talk about it." She answered, letting us in the foyer. Joyce was at the top of the stairs, overnight bag in hand.

Spike reached out tentatively for Buffy; she scooted back, face daring to crumple. "Is there something I can do?"

She couldn't look at him anymore, being soft towards her, so she looked away. Neither of them noticed as Joyce went back in her room, or that she was even there to begin with. This time when he reached for her, she let him pull her into a hug. It was one sided, as Buffy stood against him limply and cried silently, while Spike patted her on the back. I looked up the stairs and saw Dawn grinning at the tableau at the bottom of them. I gave the Slayer a quick peck on the head, which made her swallow a sob, and moved around her to go upstairs where Dawn had scurried back into her room.

As soon as I closed the door to the little bits room, she let out a pitch only dogs, and vampires, could hear. "Did you see that? They are _so_ cute."

"Yeah, when they aren't breaking each others bones." I answered sardonically, while flopping onto her bed. I dared her to say anything with the raise of one of my eyebrows. She laid down beside me, still over the moon. "You're awfully happy for someone else's cute moment."

"Sometimes, I must live vicariously through my older sister…" Dawn trailed off. "And Spike's so much hotter than Riley."

"I'm sure he will be pleased as punch you think so." I laughed, zipping off my boots and letting them fall off the bed and onto the floor.

"You can't tell him!" Dawn warned, still in that high pitch of hers.

"About your crush?" I asked semi seriously before cracking a grin, "He already knows."

Dawn turned bright red. "I may never leave this room."

"You will." I spoke calmly, "When you get hungry."

Dawn didn't dignify that with a response. That's when I heard Joyce go down the stairs. I peeked out the door, once I had it open. Spike and Buffy broke apart from one another like teenagers being caught fooling around. Buffy's face even looked a little bit red. "Mom! I was just-"

"It's okay, Buffy. Spike is welcome here anytime. You don't have to explain hugging him." Joyce emphasized her words by giving Spike a quick hug. "You will look after my daughters while I'm in the hospital, won't you?"

"O' course, Joyce." Spike readily agreed. "Like they are my own."

"Speaking of your own, where is she?" Joyce asked.

Spike looked around till he saw me coming down the stairs like a thief. "Visiting with Dawn."

I smiled slightly at Joyce, I was too worried about her to manage much else. "Don't worry about a thing, Mrs. Summers."

Buffy looked upset that everyone was talking over her head. "I can look after myself and Dawn just fine, Mom."

"I know you can!" Joyce exclaimed. "Just let me have Spike here so I don't have to worry while my babies are asleep. Please, Buffy. It will take a load off my mind if I know you guys have him here to look after you."

Buffy grumbled something that sounded like 'okay'.

"And you are welcome to stay as well, Cross." Joyce used Spike's pet name for me which I had just given up fighting against. "Dawn could use a friend with her head on right."

I gave Joyce a quick hug before she left for the hospital. Spike insisted on driving her there, in her car, so it was awhile before he got back. I watched some television quietly downstairs while Buffy and Dawn were trying to sleep. I wasn't too surprised when the Slayer crept back downstairs and into the kitchen for a pint of ice cream. She then joined me on the couch. I didn't bother saying anything, what was there to say? Eventually she finished her dessert and the TV lulled her to sleep. Her head resting against my shoulder.

Spike came in the back door very quietly, especially once he saw Buffy sleeping next to me. His eyes grew soft as they looked at her sleeping form. He pulled the throw off the back of the couch and gently tucked it around her. Then he sat down in one of the living room chairs and watched a few movies with me until Dawn broke over the horizon. I began to sizzle so I had to get up and close the curtains.

That woke the Slayer. She looked embarrassed that she had fallen asleep on me. "Mornin', pet." Spike groggily spoke from his seat. "Go ahead and get cleaned up. Cross and I will make some breakfast."

"Nothing weird, right?" Buffy asked somewhat gravelly.

"Just eggs, bacon, and pancakes?" I answered.

"It's not a full English Breakfast mind, but it'll do." Spike added. "Can't find bacon thick enough here in the Continent."

"Now you sound like Giles," Buffy laughed slightly, "Him and his mushy peas."

"Crispy bacon is better, Spike." I argued. "Get used to it."

"You mean burnt to hell, bacon." Spike argued back. "Fine, you do the bacon, pet. See if you can handle it."

We argued all the way to the kitchen, and all the way through making breakfast for the four of us. Dawn interrupted us when she came down. "Oooh, pancakes!"

"Told you," I taunted her and gave her a wink.

"What's that, pet?" Spike asked, finishing the eggs. I had the bacon piled up between pieces of paper towels on a plate.

"Nothing!" Dawn squealed and began stuffing her face with bacon.

"Not going to make a plate?" Buffy asked, coming into the kitchen in fresh clothes, with her hair still wet from the shower. "I swear we raised her better than this."

Dawn stuck her tongue out. I looked away and began serving myself. I had to dodge sunbeams but it wasn't so bad. After breakfast, Spike and I got settled in the basement on some cots to take a nap while the Summers' girls were at the hospital with their mom. We would have been there if it weren't for the deadly rays of light. It was definitely too soon to tip our hand about the daylight rings we possessed.

Around mid-afternoon the front door sneaked open and Spike and I both looked at each other knowing who that would be. As expected the tinker tailor soldier bellowed Buffy's name upon entrance into the house. "Should we?" I asked Spike.

"Must we?" He answered, a touch of his older dialect as William creeping in. "Maybe the sod'll just leave and spare us all a headache."

No such luck was to be had as he seemed to sniff us out in the basement rather quickly, like an overgrown bloodhound. "Spike… little Spike… What are you both doing here?"

Spike gestured to the cots. "Sleepin', weren't we? Till you came barging in."

"I meant," Riley said, grinding his teeth in frustration, "In this house. When Buffy's not around. Haven't you got a depressing crypt to wallow in?"

"I'll have you know Slayer's mum asked us to stay the night, on account of her being sickly."

"What are you talking about?" Riley glowered.

Spike's surprised smile rippled across his face. "Don't you know? Didn't she call you?"

Riley only let out two words from his clenched teeth, "Tell me."

"Mum is sickly. I drove her to the hospital for a little prod and probe. Buffy went this mornin' to check on her. Bite-sized one went too," Spike was beginning to really enjoy himself. "Funny her not calling you about it. I've known since last night."

Riley advanced threateningly on Spike but I laid him out with one punch. "Tosser." Spike threw in for good measure. "Reckon we should be gone when he comes to? Or tie him up? Whatever you want to do, pet."

I looked at him menacingly. "I have just the thing in mind."

Spike helped me drag him upstairs and tie him spread eagle to Dawn's bed, in real knots mind, not the kind he could just wiggle from. I then pulled a ball gag from my satchel, which made Spike raise an eyebrow, and secured it in Riley's mouth. "Ducktape wouldn't have been as dignity crushing."

Spike smiled, getting the direction my thoughts were headed before I made clear my plan. "Bloody brilliant, pet."

I skipped over to Dawn's radio, turned it on one of her favourite pop cds, and cranked that bitch up to 11. Riley woke up with terror in his eyes.

"YOU SHOULD'VE KNOW BETTER THAN TO CROSS HER!" Spike shouted over the horrible pop melody. Somehow the pun made the experience seem even worse. I rolled my eyes and left the room. Once I got downstairs, and could no longer hear the pop music so loudly, I contemplated if I should call someone to be there for Buffy. But who? I figured the Scoobies as a group would probably overwhelm her.

I settled on dialing Giles, he picked up quite quickly, and spoke in his cultured accent, "Buffy?"

"Sorry Giles, wrong Slayer." I winked at Spike who was trying to hold back his gasping laughs when we could hear Riley struggling upstairs to get free.

"My apologies, but you can understand my mistake… you are calling from Buffy's home phone."

"That I am. It just so happens the Summers women are all at the hospital for an exam for Joyce. They aren't sure if it's serious but- you understand, right?"

I thought I could actually hear the sound of him squeakily cleaning his glasse. "I should think I do. Should I assemble the group for moral support? What about Riley?"

I tried, mostly successfully I might I add, to not laugh as I said, "Riley's tied up right now. I don't think he will be able to get there before the test is over. I think Buffy might be more amenable to a single person being there for support. And I could think of no one better than you, Giles."

"That's too kind of you, really." Giles sounded flustered. He probably didn't get many compliments.

"I mean it." I spoke seriously now, "You know you are the closest thing she has to a real father figure. That's an incredible burden for you I'm sure, but also, she loves you almost as unconditionally as her own blood. Don't let her think you don't want to be there for her. Girl has abandonment issues, but I'm sure you already knew all this, so I'll let you head on over to SunnyD Memorial."

I barely let him get out a stuttered, "Good bye", before I dropped the phone back on the charger. Immediately as Spike and I heard the click we began laughing hysterically. We were so hysterical that Spike actually began gasping for air, even though he didn't need it. Seeing that set me off again, so that it was almost thirty minutes later that we stopped. Riley was still making a solid effort to get out of the torture that was "It's too late to Apologize, it's too late!" repeated ad nauseum.

Going into the kitchen we found some blood in the freezer, which looked like non-human blood going by the container. Spike made himself a mug and we sat down to watch the episodes of Dawson's Creek that someone in the house had DVRed.

"Oh, come off it, Pacey. Can't you see she'll never love you?!" Spike yelled at the tv.

I shrugged. "I don't know. I think he has a shot if he can stop ruining his chances with her. Dawson's not endgame. He's too obvious. Plus their relationship doesn't work out in practice. She's a realist and he's a dreamer. That sounds ideal until the realist starts questioning the dreamer on his dreams. Or the dreamer expects the realist to always be there. Pacey's hot-headed, sure, but he's also a realist like Joey. Their relationship has the chance to work beyond high school."

Spike looked dead set on arguing with me, "Who said it has to be Pacey or Dawson, could be some hot piece of ass she meets at college who so clearly leeches off of her enthusiasm and offers bugger-all in return."

"You know that's not gonna happen!" I shouted, actually beginning to get a bit worked up about a silly TV show. It wasn't like I was living in their universe. "She's just going to need some time. I mean, he bought her a wall!"

"You know what? I'm not even going to argue this with someone with the grand total of zero boyfriends."

"I could say the same of you! Unless you count Angelus." I taunted.

Spike glared, turning the show back on, and said almost coolly, "You know that doesn't count."

"Girl," I sniped _one _last time.

"Bitch," he added.

I huffed. "Takes one to know one."

"Real clever." He said, hitting below the belt.

"I don't have to waste my good material on you." I said with a sniff.

He smiled, "That's fortunate, because you haven't got any. Would hate to see a girl so young in debt."

"At least I have leverage." I showed off my fangs. "You don't even scare the littlest Summers."

"I suppose you do?" He raised his scarred brow. "Not bloody likely with all the sleepovers."

"I don't have to scare anyone." I retracted my fangs. "It's enough that they know I'm a player in the game. But Spikey's on the bench."

"Sports analogies from you?" He snorted. "That's rich."

"Attacking the format but not the content is a clear sign that you can't address the point of the debate." I kept my temper down, barely.

"I have to be honest, pet. I don't remember what the point of this argument even was. Let's just cuddle and finish watching some subpar American drama." He pulled me in for a cuddle and I allowed it. When it's your sire, you'll do anything. Even cuddle.

A few hours later, I went back upstairs to let Riley go. It was now nearly dark, the sun wouldn't be lethal, just uncomfortable, and I could hide in the many shadows that were appearing on people's lawns. Spike followed me up and watched my back as I turned off the pop music. Riley looked _pissed_.

"I think that's enough of that." I spoke, standing over the bed. "We're going to let you go now. But there will be no more unwarranted attacks against myself or Spike, do I make myself clear?"

Riley just stared at me with anger, drool sliding from his mouth around the gag.

"Oh right! Silly me, I forgot about the gag." I said, though I hadn't really forgotten. Spike took it off of him for me with a disgusted expression.

"You're not gonna keep this are you, pet?" Spike asked, holding it away from himself like it was diseased.

"Of course I am, it's not easy sneaking into and out of a sex store when you look like me." I answered. Riley was working his jaw, to get rid of the tightness in it no doubt. "You know… I have been wondering since that night weeks ago… Why you were looking at me so strangely, Finn."

"Your kind," He began but had to cough because his throat must have been dry, "...Disgust me."

I smiled predatorily, and walked confidently up to my sire. "Mind helping me with a little demonstration?" I asked, sweetly.

Spike answered, "Anything for you, pet."

I held Spike's arm out so Riley would have a clear view, and I carefully slid back his red overshirt so that the pale skin of his arm was showing. I licked it teasingly, which made Spike gasp. I didn't usually do that sort of thing. Spike curled his hand in my hair, "Careful, kitten. Don't want to give the soldier boy a heart attack."

Riley's eyes were glued on my mouth, where I was nibbling Spike's arm to raise the vein. He even licked his lips in anticipation. I felt my face shift and heard the barest of moans from the bed. That's when I put Spike's arm down and walked back up to Riley. I caressed his taut arm, and he shivered. "I disgust you?" I asked rhetorically. "I don't think that's at all how you feel."

I made my point clearer by looking him in the eye as Spike released his bonds, leaving me right next to him in vamp face. He only rubbed his tender wrists, not moving to attack me. "I think you are curious. What does Buffy see in us? What is our allure? Why did she let Angel bite her when Trick poisoned him? That one is simple, of course, it was for love. But you wonder, how can she love something that's not even alive? That has a demonic side that is purely sadistic. Why did she almost let Dracula bite her? You can't stop obsessing over these things. Especially since you lost the super soldier juice. You are worried you might not be enough for her-"

"I get it! Okay?" Riley shouted, standing up shakily once he was free of the rope around his ankles. "She's amazing! A real life superhero. And I- I'm just Riley Finn, former secret soldier of an even more secret division of government. She's never even said those words to me. I've said them a thousand times. I'm as good as useless to her, I know that."

"Is Xander useless to her?" I asked, semi rhetorically. "Hell, what about Giles?"

"Yeah, but neither of those two are or were her boyfriend. I have to compete with Angel. And it's not easy when I know for a fact she is still in love with him."

I shook my head slowly. "Don't you get it yet? Buffy doesn't want to be won, RIley."

Riley looked incredibly confused. "What do you mean?"

"Buffy has a wall around her heart, not a heart of stone. You don't get around a wall by fighting her emotions. By treating them as a betrayal to you. You get around a wall in one of two ways, climbing over it, or breaking it down."

"Alternatively, finding the bloody door." Spike snarked, not particularly interested in helping Riley with Buffy.

"Why do you think she didn't call you?" I asked seriously.

"Because she doesn't need me." He answered sullenly.

"Wrong again!" I yelled at him. "Do you honestly think Buffy could even think about calling anyone when she is so focused on trying to stay strong for her mom and Dawn? This may come as a shock to you but maybe- just maybe- she needs you more than she realizes, but has been behind that wall for so long that she can't even see you."

"What do you think I should do about it?" Riley asked seriously.

I sighed. "You should already know… Why are you still here talking with me?"

His eyes widened in realization, and he had bolted out the door soon after. Spike sighed beside me after the door slammed downstairs. "Why are you helping that tosser not screw up his chance with Buffy?"

"You're not ready for her, yet. And she is definitely not ready for you. Getting Riley out of the picture will only make it harder for you. Particularly if he betrays her. It's only going to make her that much more certain that men become unreliable if she tries to love them. Her dad, Angel, that Parker twat, and if Riley self destructs on her… it won't be good." I answered quietly, picking up the ball gag and taking it into the Slayer's bathroom to rinse off. I shut off the faucet and dried the gag while Spike stayed quiet, but nearby.

We cleaned up in the kitchen, turned off all the lights, and left for the Magic box after a quick bite to eat in the cemetery. It was full dark by the time we got into town and arrived at the Magic Box. He hadn't said a word the whole time. It was almost preferable to his usual loud mouth self, but I began to worry that he thought I had betrayed him. "It won't last, Spike." I added, tired of the silence.

He nodded, but didn't say anything back. He was just staring at the pavement as we approached the door. There wasn't time to say anything else.

We barged in without knocking, catching the little bit reading magic books instead of working on her homework. She blushed when she saw the sullen Spike coming in behind me. "Hello Cross… and Spike."

"Hey, platelet." Spike spoke without much enthusiasm.

Dawn looked at me with an expression that very clearly asked 'what's the matter with him?', and I just shrugged and mouthed 'Buffy'. Dawn nodded in understanding.

"How's your mum?" Spike finally asked, as Dawn pretended to get back to work. "Where's everyone?"

"Mom is… fine, I think. They wouldn't really say much." Dawn pointed to the stockroom. "Anya and Xander are down there. 'Stocking'."

"Where're the loverwiccas and Rupes?" Spike asked, but it didn't sound like he cared much.

"Doing 'magic'. And Giles is with Buffy at the hospital." Dawn answered, scribbling disinterestedly in her notebook. "So, I have to stay here until Buffy gets me. Mom is staying there again tonight. They want to keep her under observation… I'm scared, Spike."

"Don't be, niblet." Spike spoke soothingly, while rubbing circles on Dawn's back. "Whatever this is... Your mum can fight it. She's the strongest woman I know."

"Not Buffy?" Dawn asked with a sniffly laugh.

"Your mum is scarier than Buffy by a large margin. She's a tough bird and she's going to kick this thing's arse." Spike spoke confidently.

I decided not to comment on false hope, seeing as how it didn't make a difference if I thought it was bad. Dawn needed it, that's all that mattered. After that we waited for Buffy with Dawn. Spike and I helped her with her homework while we waited. Xander and Anya came up for air sometime during that time and looked a bit shocked to see us.

"Spike." Xander spoke briefly, but not too aggressively.

Spike looked like he was about to insult Xander before I glared at him so he just sighed and said in return, "Xander." It was strangely drawn out, like he hadn't said the guys real name before. "And Demon-girl. Or do you prefer Anya?"

Anya merely shrugged, "I'm told nicknames are a normal part of the human bonding experience."

"That they are, luv." Spike agreed. "Closed shop pretty early tonight. Nobody come in for awhile or…?"

"There was a lull. And then Xander and I got bored so we went down to the stockroom to-" Anya was cut off abruptly by Xander hurriedly yelling, "RESTOCK. It was a mess down there."

"I bet," Spike suggestively raised his eyebrow, "Needed a good seeing to, isn't that right luv?"

Anya smiled enthusiastically.

"But he helped you get sorted, huh?" Spike continued. "I never woulda' guessed."

Xander blushed a deep red but wouldn't say anything in front of Dawn.

All the innuendo wasn't going over her head anyway, so it was a wonder he even bothered to keep quiet. Dawn and I shared a look that was specific to the kind of shame you feel when someone treats you like you are five when you are nearly an adult. There should be a word for that look. Perhaps in some foreign language there is, but I just didn't know about it. "Oh my GOD you guys. I'm a teenager, not a toddler. Anya and Xander were down there boinking each other's brains out. And he gave her those orgasms she's always raving about. Big deal. Now would you let me get back to my homework."

"The girl has a point," I said, "Why all the fuss about trying to pretend you weren't having sex? What does that accomplish?"

Anya exclaimed, "Finally! That's what I've been saying."

"It's embarrassing." Xander whined. "No one needs to know what I do in private."

I rolled my eyes. "They already do. And not just because Anya is open about it, but because it's already completely obvious. I understand it's against the social norm to be open about your sex life and sexuality but Anya shouldn't be shamed for it. You are limiting her personality to only that which you find acceptable. What if she did the same to you?"

Xander looked truly taken aback by that. Possibly like he had never seen it that way before. Like he had never bothered trying to see it from her perspective. His mouth even mimicked a fish for a few moments before he could speak, "I guess you have a point. It just seems to make everyone uncomfortable though-"

"Not me," Spike and I both said, and Spike added, "I don't care."

Dawn dropped her head into her notebook with frustration.

"Lots of things make people 'uncomfortable' so they don't talk about it. Many of those things are vitally important to talk about before it's too late, or don't actually hurt anyone by talking about it so what's the 'big deal'?" I concluded my argument.

Xander looked stumped. "None. I guess."

I left it at that, and went back to helping Dawn pass World History. Spike was throwing in details about where he was during the time period. Since they were studying World War II, he was being captured by the Nazis and stuffed on a U-Boat. That stands for Unterseeboot, the German word for a submarine that means, literally, Undersea Boat, a precursor to the modern submarine.

"Peaches was there, of course, because why wouldn't he be?" Spike grumbled, "Stuck on the bottom of the ocean and he still finds a way to be a pain in my arse."

I laughed, "That certainly sounds like him."

"And then what happened when he got there?" Dawn asked inquisitively.

Spike sighed, flicking open and closed his lighter. "Made us cooperate with what was left of the human crew. I didn't fancy swimming to shore so I agreed to stop snacking on the humans. Bloody Russian didn't see it that way and got the pointy end of an axe through his heart by Angelus, though I later found out he was all soul-having at that point in time. Didn't stop him from turning one of the crew, so that the unlucky bastard could finish getting that tub outta the ocean. And then he made the other vampires, besides him and the living crew, swim to shore anyway. I could've burnt to death bobbing on the ocean. Wanker."

"Wouldn't that have been a shame," Buffy spoke sardonically from the open doorway. She came towards us and I tensed, wondering if Riley had told her of the little game we played with him.

She didn't stake us, or try to punch Spike in the nose like she was fond of doing, so I relaxed somewhat. "Got your homework done, Dawn?" She asked, not paying much attention to us at all.

"Yeah, Spike helped." Dawn smiled, "He knows a lot about the last 100 years of history."

Buffy looked at him curiously, "Helping kids with their homework now? Didn't you used to be scary?"

Spike angrily puffed, "Hey, now!"

Buffy smirked, "Nothing to defend yourself with, huh?" She leaned into him and pat his head condescendingly. "Spike is a good dog now."

He glowered, but it looked like he was secretly enjoying the attention. "I can still bite, Slayer."

She scratched him behind the ear almost suggestively, "Not with the shock collar in your brain. What's the matter, Spikey? Can't take the pain?"

Spike growled, "You don't want to play such games with me, Slayer. I've played them all. I know how to make it hurt so good."

Buffy's eyes widened slightly, realizing she was flirting with a dangerous vampire in front of her sister, Xander, Anya, and myself. She backed off, and spoke coldly, "You can't touch me, Spike. You're beneath me."

Spike's eyes widened with pain. The Slayer had used the exact combination of words that would most hurt him. "This chip is only bits and bobs, Slayer. It's not even a leash, or a collar. It's bound to fail someday, and when it does, I'll be there. 'M not going to let another thing taste you."

The Slayer looked at him with cold consideration. "Good. I'll be waiting."

I finally noticed Riley and Giles weren't there with her, "I thought Giles was with you at the hospital? And surely Soldier Boy was there as well."

"Giles had to go straight home, and Riley…" Here Buffy looked a bit upset. "He's gone."

"Wait-" Xander piped up from behind the counter where he was talking with Anya, "What do you mean 'gone'?"

"He said he was invited to a mission in another country. It's a jungle or something, somewhere. He told me he can't sit here and wait for me to be ready anymore. He gave me an ultimatum. Ask him to stay or he would leave tonight."

Xander looked at her like she had cracked, "And you let him go?"

"What was I supposed to do?" She spoke, tears in her eyes, "I got it. He wanted to have a mission, like I do. He didn't want me as much as he wanted me to need him. But I can't worry about what he needs right now- I just can't, Xander."

Xander shouted at her, "You were supposed to want him to stay so much you would do anything to keep him here. That's what you would have done if you really loved him, Buffy."

"It doesn't matter what I say or do, Xander!" Buffy cried in earnest, "They want to leave and they do! No matter how much I beg for them to stay."

"By they, you mean Angel, don't you?" Xander spoke, understandingly now. "Riley isn't Angel, Buffy. And now- maybe you really did give Riley up. But maybe it's not too late. Do you love him, Buffy? Do you think you might ever love him? If you do, you should run. You should go to him and beg him to stay."

Tears were coursing down Buffy's face as she looked at Xander, and then at Dawn, and then at Spike and I. "Go home with Spike and Cross, Dawn. I have to-"

"Go, Buffy!" Dawn cut her off. "I'll be fine."

She bolted out of the door at top Slayer speed. Spike watched her go with a look of worry on his face. I had a feeling deep inside that she wouldn't make it in time. "Spike, take Dawn home. I have to get some things from the store."

And hour later I arrived at Revello Drive, the lights were all on, and I let myself in. "Hello?" I spoke tentatively, putting my groceries in the fridge.

Spike came around the corner, and said, "Lil bit's upstairs in her room. Buffy hasn't come back yet."

"She will," I spoke very quietly, "And whatever happens, she'll need what I just bought her."

"Not condoms, I hope." Spike tried to joke, but it fell flat.

I shook my head. "Her favourite ice cream."

Buffy came in behind me as I said that, and she looked terrible. She shambled in and went for the ice cream without a word. I didn't really need a thank you, though. I followed her into the living room with my own pint. "Did you want us to go?" I asked quietly.

She had the spoon in her mouth as she began to cry again.

"Oh. I'm sorry. Poor choice of words on my part." I sat down with her on the couch while Spike hovered next to doorway. "I'm here... if you need to talk."

She shook her head no. "Thank you... for the ice cream."

She reached out for my hand, and I gave it without question. She scooted closer to me and just cried for awhile. Spike finally sat on her other side and offered her quiet support.

"Might want to eat your treat, luvs. Before they melt." Spike broke the silence after some time. He put on a movie, and we watched it without really seeing it, and finished our ice cream.

"I'm sorry I was such an idiot." Buffy said at last. "That's what I wanted to say. But- I didn't get to…"

"You're not the idiot, pet" Spike spoke.

Buffy scoffed. "Aren't I? I basically pushed him away. I never noticed him unless I wanted something."

"That's just not true," Spike said insistently, "You saved him from himself and all he ever did was doubt you."

"And he had good reason to!" Buffy cried. "I kept him at arm's length. I see that now. I messed up and now- now I may never have the chance to tell him. He went off to fight monsters thinking I didn't care about him enough to ask him to stay."

I squeezed Buffy's hand. "He shouldn't have given you the ultimatum. If he really wanted you to love him like he professed to loving you… He may still have left, but not like that. He will be back though, Buffy. Believe that. It may not be anytime soon. But he will come back to see you again. Then you can tell him, if you still feel that way."

She sighed, leaning back into the couch. "You guys don't have to stay. I'll be fine."

"You know where to find us if you need anything." I said, and left with Spike.

The crypt was empty when we got back, or rather Dalton was still out doing whatever he did when we weren't around. The kitten mewed at us as we entered. Spike picked her up and carried her to the chair where he sat down. He was really beginning to bond with the little fluffball.

I checked the water, food, and litter box to make sure everything was alright. It was in good condition. Then I climbed down the ladder and got ready for bed. Dawn would be coming up over the horizon soon, and I just wanted to sleep, since I hadn't gotten as much sleep the other day.

* * *

**Thanks to mom8828, and everyone else who have stuck with it this long, for giving the story a chance. It means a lot to me.**


	7. Chapter 6

**Not Another Self Insert**

**Chapter 6**

**Changes**

* * *

_Amber, when will you tire?_

_Poor sullen limbs may break the wire_

_Amber, I hear the sea_

_Storming inside you, unspoken plea_

_Amber, the blue above_

_Cyprus and Elm, answer to none_

_Amber, Amber, Amber_

_Piece of the whole_

_The light that's inside you's_

_Starting to show_

**Amber by Electric Guest**

* * *

The next time we see any of the Scoobies it's weeks later. Spike and I were at the Bronze, enjoying some time away from the crypt when we ran into Xander. Literally.

"Hey, watch it!" Spike exclaimed.

Xander looked up, holding his nuts. That is to say, a bowl of mixed nuts. "Spike. Don't let me stop you from not being here."

Xander moved around us and sat at a table with his nuts. Spike and I followed him over and each took chairs to sit on around the table. "We were here first, you know." Spike retorted.

"Uh-huh. Go away."

"Now why would I do that when it's bugging you so much having me here?" Spike practically gloated.

Xander didn't say anything back, and continued to eat his nuts, ignoring us.

"They've got chicken wings too. Also, a sort of a flower-shaped thing they make from an onion. Brilliant." Spike attempted to make conversation.

Xander wasn't having any of it, though. "Are you talking to me hoping I'll get so depressed I'll impale myself on a fork right in front of you?"

"Lovely thought. If I don't hurt you myself, the chip wouldn't zap me. I could eat you that way, beat the onion-thing all to hell." Spike said casually, and then took some of Xander's peanuts.

"Hey! Those are mine!"

"My, my, someone's in a temper. This all sympathetic misery borrowed from the Slayer?" Spike asked, not so casually.

"What? No. Nothing to do with Buffy." Xander looked confused, forgetting about his nuts for the moment.

"So she's fine then."

Xander answered, "What are you talking about? What does Buffy have to do with anything? "

Spike relaxed beside me. "Huh. Yeah. Okay, Don't need to talk about her. I'm sure she's merrily slaying some pals of mine, having a grand old time."

After a while, Spike and Xander start playing a game of pool while talking about things I didn't have much interest in.

"They get in these fights and then they're both looking to me, like I'm the referee. Also, sometimes I'll say something about Anya, and Willow will get this look. This "what the hell do you see in her" look." Xander complained.

Spike nodded in understanding, "I know that look. Lot of people never really got Dru, you know?"

"Well, she was insane. And then it's like, I get all torn, because Willow's my best friend, and I really value her opinion. But Anya's my girlfriend, you know?"

I sighed from the table where I was watching Spike kick Xander's ass at pool.

"What's the Slayer think of all this friction in the ranks? Can't be good for morale." Spike brought up the Slayer again.

"I don't know." Was the only thing Xander could say.

"She's a little pre-occupied, maybe. It's understandable." Spike wasn't really focused on what Xander was saying, or not saying. "I mean, did she want to go on thinking she was the idiot?! And what does someone have to do to make it right? -"

Spike thought Buffy was blaming him for Riley leaving because we hadn't seen her since that night. I tried to tell him that probably wasn't the case, but he wouldn't listen. Then a very big guy ran into Spike's shoulder, making him miss his shot.

"Hey! Watch it, mate!" Spike said, not noticing the size of the thing until he turned around, "Second thought, do what you like."

"ALE!" The big man with green skin boomed, he looked like he might be a mountain troll. "YES! FRAGRANT ALE! I HAVE BEEN TRAPPED FOR MANY CENTURIES AND ALONG WITH MY TASTE OF FREEDOM I WOULD APPRECIATE THE TASTE OF A FINE GRAIN-BASED BEVERAGE!"

I watched with amazement as the monster picked up a full sized keg, bit into it, and began slurping it down like a juice box. Several of the patrons backed away from the bar, and the troll, but did not evacuate immediately.

"So, um… think I should run get Buffy?" Xander asked worriedly.

Spike just shrugs. The Troll throws the empty keg to the ground with a resounding clang.

"BARMAID! FETCH ME STRONGER ALE! AND SOME PLUMP SUCCULENT BABIES TO EAT!"

Xander's eye widen comically. "I'm gonna run get Buffy." The he does a spit take in the direction of me and Spike. "Or you two can fight him!"

"Yeah, I could do that but I'm paralyzed with not caring very much." Spike spoke glibly. "What about you, Cross?"

"I don't think he'd taste very good. Too hairy." I answered, ignoring the large troll in the room.

Xander tried to head for the door, realizing neither of us were going to fight the thing, but the troll spotted him and boomed out, "YOU THERE! DO YOU KNOW WHERE THERE ARE BABIES?"

Spike turned to Xander and whispered loud enough for the troll to hear, "What do you think? The hospital, maybe?"

"What? Shut up!" He hissed at Spike, and then turned to the troll, "Um... listen…"

"I FIND MYSELF VERY HUNGRY AND WHEN I AM HUNGRY I GET SHORT OF PATIENCE!"

"You and me both." I spoke, but the Troll wasn't paying any attention to me.

"Hey, we can take care of hungry. How 'bout you just sit down, on one of the sturdier chairs, and we can talk calmly and have some food." Xander tried soothing the beast.

"CAN IT BE BABIES?" The Troll asked hopefully.

"Well, not so much. But maybe... roast pigs and... stags... and much hearty grog!" Xander tried again, and Spike added, "They have this onion thing-"

"YOU CANNOT APPEASE ME! DO NOT TRY!"

Olaf turned back to the bar, and barked, "MORE ALE!"

Spike and Xander tried backing up while the troll was distracted with another keg, but ran into Anya and Willow, who were just entering the Bronze. "Not here to drink I'm guessing." I quipped, while looking at the spellbook in Willow's hands.

"Xander! You shouldn't be here! There's a troll!" Anya spoke worriedly.

Xander answered sarcastically, "Big guy? Hammer? Think I noticed him."

"I wish Buffy was here." Willow spoke quietly.

Buffy and Tara walked in the door of the Bronze, and Buffy said, "I'm here."

"I wish for a million dollars." Willow tried, but noticed Xander's look, and said, "Just checking."

Willow was soon wrapped up in Tara's arms, where Tara whispered, "I'm so glad you're okay."

"What's going on? Where'd he come from?" Buffy said quickly, looking in the troll's general direction.

Spike, however, had his eyes glued on Buffy. He stepped tentatively towards her, and spoke, "Hello, Buffy."

She looked at him momentarily, "I hope, for your sake, you had nothing to do with this, Spike."

Anya quickly revealed the truth, "Willow stole ingredients and released him from a purple crystal. He's a troll." Or, at least, part of it.

"You did this?" Buffy asked Willow, but then I could see she remembered other times Willow and Magic were non-mixy.

Willow attempted to shift blame, "Not me! We! I mean us. Her! It's very complex."

"But we can stop him. Willow, do the spell." Anya commanded.

The troll lowered his second keg, and bothered to notice the group. He turned and stared at Anya, and grabbed his hammer. Willow opened the book, and stepped forward.

"Let the conjuring be-" Willow had begun to say but was interrupted by a bellowed, "STOP!"

"No one lets me finish," Willow pouted.

"YOU TOLD THE WITCH TO DO THAT. YOU SEEM TO BE DETERMINED TO PUT AN END TO ALL MY FUN, JUST LIKE YOU ALWAYS DID WHEN WE WERE DATING!" Olaf shouted in Anya's direction.

Everyone looked at Anya at once. The drama. I rolled my eyes and reached for my cherry soda.

Anya looked a bit sheepish as she said, "Hum."

"You dated him?" Xander asked, and Buffy added, "You dated a troll?"

Willow interjected pettily, "And we're what? Surprised by this?"

"He wasn't a troll then. He was just a big dumb guy. He cheated on me and I made him into a troll. Which, by the way, is how I got the job as a vengeance demon-" Anya didn't get to continue, as Olaf angrily smashed the bar with his hammer, which startled her.

I covered my drink as debris flew the air. Spike picked a piece of the bar out of my hair. "Good thing that didn't go into your heart, pet."

"It's mostly glue." I spoke, shrugging. There was a lot more troll shouting but Spike and I did our best to ignore it.

"Willow! Again!" Buffy shouted, trying to save the rest of the bar one would assume. The idiots that were still in the place would probably die to something else by next week. Willow did try the spell, but something must have been off with the incantation, because the troll was very much still in the Bronze.

Olaf charged at Willow with his hammer, and Buffy tried to tackle him. She got in a few good hits before the troll knocked her off her feet with the hammer. I whistled, impressed with the power in that thing.

Spike had gone to join in but got a lap full of Buffy for his troubles. I rolled my eyes as he got in a few inappropriate touches while helping her get off of him. As if the Slayer **wouldn't** get him back for that later.

The troll roared and smote the pillars that supported the upper level of the Bronze. I happened to be sitting under the scaffolding when it came down. I brought my arms up and braced myself with my feet on the ground. The weight of it shook my whole body, sending painful tingles down my arms and legs. I had to grit my teeth to stop from crying out. The humans scurried out of there with their eyes wide at my show of strength. The ones on the top had tumbled off, and were already limping out of the door. As soon as I could I called for help. The troll had taken off out of the bar. Buffy and Spike helped me wiggle out from under there, by bracing the metal scaffolding themselves.

I held up my arms, they were bleeding. "Ouch," I said almost calmly, still shocked by what had happened.

Buffy reached out and touched my sore shoulders. "Let's get you to the Magic Box. I have a first aid kit in there, somewhere."

I nodded, and spoke, "Okay, I just- I can't seem to move my legs now."

Spike lifted me up in the wedding carry position and helped me into the car. "Need a lift, Slayer? Looks like the rest of the team left in Giles' wheels."

Buffy looked like she was debating it, but ultimately got in. The ride to the Magic Box was smoother than usual, probably because Spike didn't want to jostle me. But we still made great time. By the time we got there I could walk again, shakily but it was still something.

I noticed the door was completely ripped off it's hinges. "Looks like the troll got here first, good luck." I let Buffy get out of the car and got back in it. "Let's just go home, Spike. Buffy has this covered."

"Are you sure, pet?" Spike asked, hand on the keys.

Buffy nodded somewhat confidently, as she eyed the devastation. "Yeah, I better get in there, though. Get her wounds looked at somewhere a bit less hectic."

She charged in the door as we left the scene.

Sometime over the next two weeks they told Dawn of her origins, at the same time they told Joyce, after she had partially guessed it while she was getting confused due to the tumor pressing on her brain. Hopefully the surgery would be soon.

"What do think it means? That I'm this key?" Dawn spoke, having run away from home. "Do you think I'm bad?"

Spike scoffed. "I know a thing or two about being bad. And you're not it."

"Pfft. I'm badder than you now." Dawn said.

Spike exclaimed, "Are not!"

I rolled my eyes. They were just so precious sometimes. "You are both so bad," I began, giving Spike false hope, "At being bad. Spike, let's face it, you haven't been truly bad since first coming to Sunnydale. Even without the chip you were still pretty loserly getting knocked on your ass by Dawn's mom. And Dawn… you are a teenage girl and, while that would normally be scary for very different reasons, you have all the menace of a week old puppy."

"But I ran away from home! And into the crypt of vampires. Surely that gets me bad points." Dawn pouted, and Spike added, "Hey now! I can still be bad. I don't have to do it myself. Dalton steals blood for me all the time. I bet I could get him to bring me victims, if I cared at all for what he can manage to attract."

I laughed, "You both just proved to me my point. Isn't that right, Buffy?"

Buffy walked into the crypt looking mightily pissed. "I can't believe you ran off like that, Dawn! Actually... I can."

"How'd you find me?" Dawn asked, sounding shocked.

Buffy pointed at me, I was holding my cellphone. "I texted her while you were busy ogling my sire."

Buffy looked fiercer after I said that. "Dawn! You cannot flirt with evil soulless vampires!"

"You did it!" Dawn retorted.

"And look how well **that** turned out." Buffy sniped back. "Now, I'm sorry we didn't tell you sooner, but I had a lot on my mind about mom and everything else. But you shouldn't have just left like that. You could have been killed by a demon, or a vampire, on your way over here."

"Why won't you just train me to fight?!" Dawn screamed.

Buffy sighed. "Would it do any good? You can't just be trained to be able to fight vampires."

"Riley was," Dawn spoke, and then gasped, realizing she mentioned the forbidden R word. "Buffy I-"

"Forget it, Dawn." Buffy said wearily, "I'm fine. He's gone, and I'm fine."

"Not to interrupt the family drama or anything, but when are you two gonna get out of our crypt?" Spike interjected. "Or are you going to start paying rent?"

"Shut up, Spike." Buffy said without much heat. Then she looked at Spike, myself, and Dawn with a look that said she had thought of something that was going to be a pain in the ass for us. "Spike-"

"Ooh, Slayer, I love it when you say my name like that." Spike taunted her, looping his fingers in his jeans.

"Spike, this is serious!" Buffy said, but didn't hit him, probably because I was there. "You can help train Dawn."

Spike raised his eyebrows, "And I would do a thing like that because?"

Buffy gritted her teeth, "I'll pay you."

"Save your cash, Slayer." Spike smirked at her distressed face.

Buffy threw up her hands in defeat, and shouted, "Fine, what do you want?"

Spike gave her a calculated look, doing that cheek suck in thing he does that accentuates his cheek bones. "Well, there is one thing I think might just satisfy me."

"I'm not giving you blood, Spike." Buffy crossed her arms in defiance.

Spike got up from the coffin he was leaning against and cheekily walked up to the Slayer, while he spoke, "Don't want your blood, Slayer. At least, not right now."

"Then what, Spike?" Buffy asked as Spike got right up close to her.

I hoped he wasn't going to do what I thought he was going to do.

Spike leaned close to her, putting one hand behind her head on the door she was backed up against. "It's simple, luv," He whispered so Dawn couldn't hear. "Each time you bring the bit over to train so that she can be a little less easy pickings… Is one date with me."

Buffy's head hit the door, she tried to back away from Spike so quickly. "What?!"

Spike let up a little bit, "Those are my terms, Slayer. I haven't had a real date in… well actually I've never had a real date like humans do it… And I'm bored, you see. Almost ready to dress Dalton up and take him out on the town. I would like to take you out instead. For one, you look many times better in a dress than he does- Not that you have to dress in any particular way. I'm not that kind of bloke-"

"Spike, shut up." Buffy said, and punched him in the nose. "Why would I ever want to go out with you?"

Spike, clutching his nose, spoke somewhat angrily, "Maybe because you're bored, too? Or lonely. Or hell, even just a bit peckish and like a free meal."

"I'm not-" Buffy began to hotly deny his words, before calming herself down a bit. "I don't need your charity dates, Spike. I have no problem finding dates."

Spike let go of his nose, it had stopped bleeding due to his vampire healing. "Never said you couldn't get dates, luv. Problem with you is keeping them though, innit?"

"Do I need to punch you again?" Buffy threatened.

Spike held his hands up in surrender. "What I mean by that is you end up getting hurt by these blokes… You've already made it clear I can't hurt you. So, why the hell not?"

"Maybe because you're repulsive." Buffy answered quickly, and Spike winced.

He sighed, "Have it your way, then. Train the lil bit yourself. I'm sure you have plenty of time in between college, your mum being sickly, and being the Slayer." He turned away to pick up his smokes.

"Wait!" Buffy spoke, sounding pretty disgusted with herself as she said it. "No funny business, okay? Or I'll-"

Spike turned around smirking, and spoke, "Stake me? Sing me a new tune, Slayer. That one's gone stale."

"I'll do it." She said, seriously. "I'll go out with you, if you train Dawn."

"Lovely!" Spike said, slapping his hands together excitedly. "Now toddle on off home. Dojo's closed for tonight."

Buffy and Dawn left the crypt with strange glances thrown at Spike as they left. Spike cheerily waved them out the door. I had to bite my tongue so that I didn't start screaming at him as soon as they were out of sight.

Spike smiled, turning around and looking at me with anticipation. His face fell as he caught my expression. "Oh, Bloody Hell! What did I do now?"

I covered my face with my hands, as I shook my head. Spike came up to me and removed the hands from my face. "I know you told me that she's not ready. I know, pet. But how will she ever be ready if I don't show her the kind of man I can be?"

I looked up at him, glaring into his blue eyes. "You just conned her into going on a date with you… How do you think this is going to go, Spike?"

He shrugged. "I thought I'd figure it out when the time comes."

"That's the thing though. You didn't think. You acted with your gut again." I emphasized my point with a quick jab on his abs. "If you love this girl-"

"You know I do!" Spike exclaimed, distraught.

"As I was saying, if you love the Slayer… You are going to have to prove to her that you are not only no longer a threat, but a champion for the good side. And so far you have been only reluctantly helping the white hats."

"Why can't she meet me halfway?" Spike asked. "Haven't I done enough?"

I shook my head no. "She's not going to love you back unless you show true change. You can't just drag her down into the dark. She may join you for awhile, but she will feel guilty. As a Slayer, she is betraying her instincts to just refrain from killing you. The only other option you have besides becoming good is to turn her. Which you can't do with that chip in your head. Plus, this Slayer will reject being turned."

Spike mulled over my words for a moment. "So, I become a white hat and she might love me back?"

I shrugged. "That's the general idea. It'd be perfect if you could get your soul back. That's the thing she thinks we vampires need to be good, after all. She'll never fully trust either of us without one."

"I'm not going to get a soul shoved in me like that ponce. I don't need one to be good." Spike huffed, sitting down on the stone coffin.

I walked into his open legs and cuddle up against his chest. I was getting a bit thirsty. "The thing is… the Slayer is strangely particular about that soul thing."

Spike moved his arms around me. "No way am I doing that, pet. I don't want to be eating rats for 90 years. Won't do me any good if I'm doing that while she's off having kids and fat grandbabies with some bloke."

"Angel was an idiot." I spoke into Spike's chest, enjoying the way his laugh rumbled against my cheek. "You already know how to live without eating humans. Besides, his soul must have been a lot more damaged than yours."

Spike pulled me off of him gently. "Why are you pushing this soul thing so much? Shouldn't you hate the idea?"

I didn't let him look me too closely in the eyes. "Maybe I should. I just want you to be happy. Even if it means you join the White Hats."

He brought his fingers under my chin and forced me to look at him. Blue met brown and his eyes widened with realization. "How long has that been there?"

I screwed my eyes shut. "Don't look."

"It's too late, pet." Spike said sadly.

I kept my eyes closed, not wanting to see how much he must hate me for keeping this a secret for so long. "You must think I'm like Angel now… a ponce."

Spike laughed. "You are too cute, pet. I could never think that."

"Really?" I opened one eye to see him smiling fondly at me. "You're not mad that I didn't say anything... That I tried to pretend?"

"Not mad at all." Spike fluffed my head. "Impressed if anything. I'm a bit mad at myself for somehow missing it... But with all your other eccentricities… I guess it just seemed too impossible that you might also have a soul."

"It's just a little spark," I quickly tried to make light of the matter, "It doesn't have to mean anything."

"It means everythin', pet." Spike stroked my cheek, counting the freckles on my face like stars. "Cross... You make me want to be more like you with everything you do and say. But I'm too bloody hard headed and unreasonable to manage it most days. Angel's soul doesn't make him a ponce. That's just him. You may be right… It may be time to bring back William."

He carefully lifted me onto his lap, and gave me free reign of his neck. He gasped as I broke his skin, and began sucking on his blood. He hummed and stroked my back as I fed.

Feeding is a dizzying combination of feelings all rolled into one. Warm but refreshing. Relaxing and yet it makes you course with energy. Just a bit arousing, yet you feel safe.

"That's my girl." Spike sighed, getting drowsy himself. I eased off of him, sealing his wound with a soft lick. He had fallen asleep on the coffin. I curled around him, keeping us both securely on top of the coffin, and joined him for a nap.

We woke up mere hours later when Dalton came back. He woke us up so that he could actually have use of his coffin. "It's mornin' already?" Spike drowsily asked.

"Near enough, master." Dalton replied. "The Slayer's mom is safe for today."

"I didn't know you were having Dalton watch over Joyce." I told Spike, as I sorted out my dishevelled appearance.

Spike nodded. "She's an incredible lady. I'm really fond of her. She reminds me of my mum. I'd hate to see her succumb to sickness, or have some nasty thing get to her."

Spike looked over at Dalton, who was preparing to sleep the day away. "Dalton was already going to be at the hospital semi-regularly for blood. So I thought: two birds, one stone."

"Makes sense," I replied, "No one can see you doing so, Dalton. I can't imagine how the Slayer would take it if an unchipped vampire was milling about her sick mom. Actually, I can… It wouldn't be good."

Dalton slid the coffin open to reveal his comfortable sleeping area inside. "Master Spike already warned me. You don't have to worry on my account. I'm not really noticeable, so she wouldn't think to look at me twice."

I nodded, settling the matter. Dalton settled down to sleep not long after that. Spike and I headed down to the lower level to sleep some more.


	8. Chapter 7

**Not Another Self Insert**

**Chapter 7**

**Butterflies**

* * *

_No masters or kings when the ritual begins_  
_There is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin_  
_In the madness and soil of that sad earthly scene_  
_Only then I am human_  
_Only then I am clean_

**Take Me to Church by Hozier**

* * *

Later that day we were woken up by the Slayer crashing through the door up above. "Why can't she just knock?"

"Probably 'cause she's a pain in the arse." Spike answered, throwing on a shirt and searching for his cigs. They were on my side of the bed so I tossed them over. "Thanks, luv. I've a feeling these are going to be needed."

I laid back down but it wasn't but a few minutes later that Spike called me up the ladder. Once I got up there I was greeted by an incredibly chipper Dawn. "Hey! Sorry about waking you, but Buffy insisted someone else be here with me, just in case."

"Just in case of what?" I asked, not getting how Spike was in anyway a threat to Dawn physically. "Just in case Spike can't train you because of his chip? Just in case you get squeamish and need someone to walk you home?"

"Anything, I guess… Buffy didn't really say." Dawn answered, still smiling. "So… what do I need to do?"

"Stop blabbering for one." Spike said curtly.

"Sorry! I babble when I'm nervous and I'm nervous now so I'm babbling… and I'll just shut up now." Dawn blushed.

"Try to hit me." Spike commanded.

"Seriously?" Dawn asked, unbelieving. "Just hit you? How hard can that be?"

Spike smirked, and motioned her to "come" at him. She swung wide and missed him when he ducked out of her way. He poked her in the neck. "Got you. Vamp chow."

Dawn huffed. "You used vamp speed, no fair."

"Oh did I?" Spike laughed, "And what if I did? Isn't that the point of this whole thing?"

Spike let her try hitting him for a few hours more. By that time it was dark. Buffy came in the door, that was barely holding itself together, and Spike was so distracted Dawn finally landed a solid hit to his gut. "Oof!"

"Nice hit, Dawn. Although you could have been a little tighter with the pull back. The vampire could have grabbed your arms there." I spoke, giving her encouragement and critique.

Dawn wasn't really able to answer me back as she had gotten quite winded herself from the work out of chasing Spike around the crypt, trying to "stake" him. Buffy stood back for a bit to watch Spike and Dawn play fight. "Dawn, you shouldn't always go for the same area in the same way. It makes you predictable." Buffy said, startling Dawn who hadn't realized Buffy was there.

Dawn was so startled she screeched and her fist went wild, catching Spike under the jaw. He even stumbled back a bit from the force of it. He spit blood out of his mouth. Buffy made an ew face at the display.

"I fink I bit ma' fung…" Spike mumbled, "Bloody hell."

I giggled.

"'S not funny. 'M weally hurt." Spike sounded upset that he couldn't make himself sound less like a petulant child.

"Aww, Spikey hurt himself." I taunted, "So cute."

The slayer had even begun to chuckle. "It's true, Spike."

Spike looked a bit happier that the slayer thought he was cute. "'M not cute."

"So are!" Dawn helpfully exclaimed. "Sorry about your injury though."

"Don't even fink of it, pet." Spike answered. "Sound like 'm frum bloody Sheffield."

Buffy's face was quite obviously asking 'where?', but she didn't bother talking to Spike anymore as he had a bottle of cold liquor to his mouth. He was probably attempting to disinfect the wound. Or just numb the pain.

"Ready to go, Dawn?" Buffy asked, without really asking, as she was already opening the door. I rose my eyebrows at her cold dismissal of Spike. That would make him rage later, for sure. She looked up, her face a picture of conflict, as she met Spike's eyes across the dusty room. "Thank you… for doing this."

Spike swallowed the alcohol quickly, making his adam's apple bob. He seemed unsure about what to say. For once he didn't open his mouth and stick his foot in. "Anything for the bit."

Miraculously, Buffy seemed to believe him. "I know you don't have a soul, but when you do things like this for my family… for what you have done for the world… it makes me question everything I thought I knew. I want to be able to trust you to do the right thing. Is that naive of me? After everything I've been through?"

Spike smiled softly. "No, pet. It just makes you a better person than a lot of people. You're still fighting to protect the things you love, even from the things that you can't just punch in the nose until it backs off. That's what makes you Summers women special."

I could see the tattered remnants of William the Bloody Awful Poet when he spoke like this. It was this part of him that made Spike not just a demon. I could see the same with Dru… on occasion, when she was more lucid. That's what makes vampires so dangerous, it's not their demon half that is unpredictable. It's the part of them that gives them almost human like emotions.

The emotions can make a vampire do much more terrible things. When Spike got his name from the brutal killings of the London socialites that had once scorned him, it was truly a melding of his repressed human emotions and his new vampire inhibitions. That's why having a soul won't stop you from doing bad. It will only make you guilty for the things you have done.

The demon never goes away. It's in you, and you are in it. Where one begins and the other ends is anyone's guess. Is Angel driven by a desire for redemption, or does the demon want any excuse to cause some pain? When I sink my teeth into a vampire, am I doing so as a slayer still trying to slay, or as a vampire still trying to feed? It's enough to drive you nuts. If you aren't already there.

I must have missed them leaving, as Spike brought me back to reality with a sharply exclaimed, "Damn!"

My head swiveled over to him fussing with a bag of blood. He must have made it too hot and burnt his already damaged tongue. If I called him on it he would only get more peeved, so I said nothing and prepared to go out for the night. I needed to hunt something. Not necessarily to kill it, but to feel it's fear.

Later on in the week, it was a Sunday I believe, the Slayer and Spike were having their date. I had to calm him down no less than five times proceeding up to that point. One time he almost called it off, but I told him it would look far worse if he did that. I helped him get dressed in something a little less punk rock, something that brought out the blue in his eyes without 'making him look like a total ponce'. Dalton and I were having a lovely night out and about. I was sure that he didn't much think so since my presence made him look like a sexual predator, and brought the possible snacks he could acquire down to zero.

"Might as well go to the hospital. Joyce is going to be checked out soon. I'll pop around to see her while you grab us some blood bags." I told Dalton, but he wasn't moving or answering me back. "What's the matter with you?"

Dalton cleared his throat and spoke gently, "Mistress Drusilla. You look-"

My head whipped around to see Dru, and a blond vampire who could only be the famed Darla, back in town. "Did you walk out on the beach without your sunscreen?"

Dru made a tsking motion and glided over to me. "No need to play tough. You can scramble around in the briar but you won't bleed."

Darla raised her eyebrow, and it looked like it was painful to do so as bits of her skin flaked off. "So, you're the latest in the direct line, huh? You don't look like much."

It cut a bit to hear that from someone who looked like the girl version of Deadpool. "Appearances can be deceiving. Wouldn't you say, Dru?"

Dru made a growling bark noise and her sharp nail cut a line on my cheek. "You've been filling my sweet Williams head with lies. Telling him he can be a good dog."

I snatched her hand away from my face, not yet exerting any pressure. "I'm only helping him along the path you pushed him on. He's nothing without someone to love, you know that."

Dru whimpered, I almost felt sorry for her. "I only wish for us to be a family again. Angelus misses our games, little one. He never got to teach you to love pain."

I looked around to notice Dalton had scarpered off. It really figured that he'd leave me here with these two sideshows. "Why'd you have to drive him to this point then, Dru?" I ignored her casual mention of the torture Angelus so loved to inflict.

"The stars were all singing to me," Dru swayed in the breeze, her hands combing through her dark hair as she turned her milky face skyward. "My sweet William was destined to leave me. How could my dark prince betray me so? I made him to love me, only me."

"It hadn't happened yet, Dru." I told her calmly.

She began to keen. "Don't you see? It happened so long ago, when he had only just become mine. No one lets me keep my toys. They always smash and bash and burn until there's nothing left. She was singing in his blood before she was even alive. That's where I was supposed to be! The pixies promised but it was all lies!"

It was surprisingly easy to decipher her riddles. Darla did look a bit confused, but the bitch had always seemed a little dim according to Spike's stories of her. "The Slayer blood is something he craves like no other vampire." I acknowledged her point.

"You can see it, too?" Dru looked at me with a fragile expression. "Of course you can. You were drawn to him, like he was drawn to me. But I wasn't enough… I only had the dreams. My Spike is drawn to the rough and tumble. They couldn't see it when he was poor William, but they saw it when he became Spike. He showed them what kind of monster they had unknowingly taunted. I had seen it around him, not yet memories of dancing in the bloodshed. And I wanted him for me."

I spoke symbolically, "You can't know what kind of butterfly will come out of the chrysalis when its shell is all you've seen."

Darla interjected, "Is this conversation going to make sense at any point, or should I even bother asking?"

"We're talking about Spike," I answered her shortly. "You both shouldn't be back here in Sunnydale. And it looks like wherever you just were isn't too safe for you either. Take my advice and just leave."

I looked over to Dru and smiled slightly to take the sting off my words, "If it's as you say… you should know already that Spike is lost to you, no matter what you do here."

"You can convince him to leave here." Darla said, "That's what she thinks anyway. That you are the key to bringing Spike back to our side."

I shrugged, "I don't want to cause him anymore pain. If he goes with you to-"

"Los Angeles," Darla answered.

"Ah, should have known the burns were his design. Always loved theatrics that Angelus." I guessed, "Anyway, even if he leaves here… his hearts already in another place, Dru. That's what you saw in Brazil, snippets anyway… it's too late now."

"It's not too late until my William tells me to go." Dru spoke stubbornly. "Do you want me to go?"

I turned to see Spike running up to us, the Slayer on his heels. "Dru, you need to go!" Spike yelled, sounding worried about her safety. His eyes caught on to Darla. "Weren't you dead?"

"I got better." Darla spoke sardonically.

Buffy came up in a fighting stance. "You two were the ones behind the train incident. I thought something smelled of Aurelian."

"We could bend her to the darkness, my sweet William. You could be with your dark princess again. Think of it…" Dru pleaded.

I kept quiet, and out of the way, but trained my eyes on the two vampiresses. Dru might be the bait while Darla is the hook. She certainly dressed like one.

Spike looked conflicted for a moment, honestly tempted by the idea of Buffy by his side for eternity, along with Dru. I spoke one name, "Anne." He shivered in recognition, but got the message.

"I can't, luv. It wouldn't be right. She wouldn't be just the Slayer, just Buffy anymore. It would twist her, pet." Spike answered, heart in his throat. "If she didn't resent me for it, she wouldn't be her, not anymore. And I don't want that."

That's when Darla tried to attack Buffy, but I got the drop on her. Dru tried to pry me off but my fangs were too far in. Darla struggled under my lighter weight, but my increased strength and agility relative to plain vampires was too much for her."Stop biting Grandmummy!" Dru screamed, slashing me across the face.

Her attack on me prompted Spike to punch her in the face. "Back off, Dru! That's my childe!"

Buffy was just shaking her head like she was watching an episode of Jerry Springer.

Drusilla hissed and turned tail to run. Buffy got her stake out but Spike growled, "Don't you dare, Slayer. I'll drive her out of town, but I won't let you kill my sire."

Buffy tossed me the stake instead and I put down Darla for the second time. Once the dust had settled, I smiled widely. "She tasted a bit strange. Must be imagining it."

"Must be the flavor of resurrection. Spells always leave a bad taste in my mouth too." Spike quipped.

I ran into his arms, he brought them down around me. "You chose me. I didn't think you would choose me over her."

Spike shook with the effort to not start crying in front of Buffy, me, and what was formerly Darla. "Of course I chose you! I may have loved her for over a century, pet. But she has never loved me back the way that you do."

Tears sprang to my eyes, I rubbed them on his soft blue sweater. "I- I thought she was your destiny?"

Spike kissed the top of my head, as he curled one hand in the wild strands. "I started re-evaluating the word destiny when I met you. Destiny can be rewritten, pet. The Powers That Be have nothing on you."

Buffy must have tried to leave because Spike spoke again, "You don't have to scamper off, Slayer. I've seen your emotional family moments."

"This whole thing… the date… your-ex coming back to town… it wasn't serious was it? You aren't actually-" Buffy sounded like she was ready to bolt.

Spike tucked me under his arm as he turned to better address Buffy. "In love with you?" His voice seemed to drop an octave on the word: love.

"Yeah, that." Buffy was starting to get jittery. "You can't be. You just can't."

Spike bowed his head bashfully. "You don't have to believe me, Buffy. But I do lo-"

"Don't say it!" Buffy shakily spoke. "I can't hear that and- I just can't hear that from you."

"Is it because of who I was? Buffy, I'm changing, everyday, and it's thanks in part to you. I can be what you need."

Buffy eyes blazed bright in the night. "You don't even know what that is!"

"I'm willing to try." Spike answered, pleading with her to see him clawing out of the chrysalis. "You don't have to reciprocate. You don't even have to believe I can. I'm doing this all for you. To be what you need."

Buffy looked at me, and it was in that moment I knew I had to say something before she shattered him completely. "He's willing to get his soul. He wants to be good enough for you. He doesn't want you to have to worry about him anymore."

She looked at me in shock, not quite believing the words coming out of my mouth. "His soul?"

I nodded.

"Why would he do that for me?"

Spike answered, voice laden with emotion, "Why does a man do what he mustn't? For her. To be hers."

"This… it's too much." Buffy said, and ran. I stopped Spike from going after her.

We left that night, leaving Sunnydale in our dust. It would take some time, but we had to make good on the soul promise. And it couldn't be any old re-souling spell. It had to stick. Months passed while we were on the road. I often wondered what was going on back in Sunny D, but Spike wouldn't let us call to find out. Not until he got his soul.

By then I had to call, because he was in no condition to drive. I reached Giles. His voice was cool and crisp over the phone, it was late morning there by my estimation. "Hello? Who is this?"

"Giles, it's me, Cross." I answered, voice thick with unshed tears. "Spike is… he's in bad shape. He's trying to meet the sun. I had to knock him out and tie him up. Buffy told you of our plan, right?"

"To some extent," Giles replied, sounding a bit skittish, "I didn't think he'd actually do it though… I thought he'd just leave Sunnydale. Possibly come back with his chip out and kill us all. How was I supposed to know the stupid bastard would actually make good? It's not the kind of thing vampires do."

"You can stop cleaning your glasses and help me ship him back there. I think proximity to the hellmouth could either make or break this condition he's in. Plus... seeing Buffy…" I trailed off.

Giles cleared his throat. There was an awkward silence.

"Buffy… she's okay right?" I asked, dreading the answer.

"Y-yes, she's fine… But Dawn has-" Giles stopped speaking.

I waited for a few moments, the phone didn't go dead, I checked. "Dawn has what?"

"When Joyce died… Dawn… snapped. She cut herself, and bled onto a summoning circle. She called Joyce back from the dead. It shouldn't have been possible, but she did it." Giles sounded shocked.

I waited again as the watcher collected himself, "And? Is she alright? Is Dawn alive?"

"Yes. But she's still anemic. They have her under observation." Giles informed me. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.

"Joyce is still-" I didn't know how exactly to phrase that without it sounding like I was calling her a brain sucking zombie.

"Yes, she's fine. Normal, for all intents and purposes, perfect health. Scared the hell out of the people in the autopsy room, way she tells it. Also, she's a bit… younger."

"By how much?" I asked, this was some strange shit. And I'm no stranger to strange shit.

I swear I could hear the lens squeaking over the line, and I was in bloody Africa. "Around Buffy's age."

"What? How? What?!" I yelled, probably damaging his ear drums. Spike roused in his chains, but he wasn't going anywhere.

"Dawn's summoning of Joyce took quite a bit of her life force, and most of whatever powers she had from her previous form. As a result… Joyce is… young."

"And how is she taking being such a young mom?" I asked, let Spike figure that one out.

"Surprisingly well. Although, she doesn't remember much… Bits and pieces. Cognitively she is Joyce Summers.. but also... not. It's actually quite fascinating."

"I'm sure it is. But we'll never know unless you meet us at the airport. One ticket here, for you, and three back." I told him in no uncertain terms.

"Very well, but you will owe me for this." Giles spoke, hanging up the phone after he got the details of our location.

Spike eyes were manic. His body was straining in the chains. "Don't make me have to punch you again." I said, settling down on the back of a car across from him.

"I must burn for what I've done!" Spike screamed, and it wasn't the first time. It was his little mantra now.

I sighed, "And what good would that do? Where do you think that soul is going to go with it attached to the demon like it is? You may think you need to suffer now…" I couldn't complete that thought. " I won't let you ruin your second chance with regrets."

"You don't understand, pet. The pain… it's so much worse than the chip… The spark… it burns. It's going to burn me up from the inside and I can't tear it out." Spike was almost lucid… he was beginning to rationalize. To reason beyond just his guilt.

I looked on him with empathy. "I think I have some idea. You remember… what you made me do. I was the bait, you were the hook. Remember how you tried to teach me to hunt humans by preying on pedophiles?"

Spike began to whine in pain. "It hurts. It hurts. Stop! I'm a bad, bad man." Spike bashed his head against the steel post I had him tethered to, and then whimpered when it wasn't enough to knock him out. "Sorry, sweetling. So, sorry. I tainted you, pet. How can you even look at me?"

I cradled his head, and looked him straight in the eye. "You are mine, as I am yours. If I couldn't look at you, how could I look at myself? Love doesn't stop just because the one you love has done bad things. Love is a form of redemption."

Spike's eyes shined with crystalline tears. "Cross…"

"Sorry, Spike. I'm never ever going to abandon you." I kissed him gently on his dusty forehead. I couldn't clean him up without a proper place to stay. The blood was still caked on him from his trials, and I didn't know or care if it was his. "The point is… I enjoyed it. For the first few times… I thought I was doing something good by eating those scum. You may have killed them… but I was the reason they died. And it felt right. So right. If I judged you for what you did… how would I have to judge myself?"

"It's my fault." Spike cried. "I made you into a vampire… I showed you how. It's all my fault."

"No!" I shouted, "It's not. Don't you see? I turned my back on that when I started not to see them as objects of my wrath. When I saw them as frail beings, sucking on to life like they were still babies. The one person that got me through that was you. You were there for me, and I was there for you. And now, I'm here for you again, Spike."

He cried into my arms, and fell asleep. I watched over him for hours and hours, all the way until Giles got there.

"Has he looked like this the whole time?" Asked Giles, startling me out of a nap. I'd only just closed my eyes.

I nodded, picking myself off the floor of the airport parking garage.

"How'd you get him here without people asking questions?" Giles pondered. "You didn't drive, did you?"

"No, I didn't." I supplied, "You'd be surprised what money can buy you, though."

Giles tiredly helped me hoist Spike up and get him all they way through the Airport and on the plane. "I bought a flight on a plane with necro tempered glass. So we don't have to worry about immolation."

"So kind of you, Rupes." Spike said dully, he was buckled in between Giles and I, with me on the window side, and Giles on the aisle. "Wouldn't want me to die now, would you?"

Giles tensed in his seat. "You are trying to provoke me to attack you."

"Is it working?" Spike smirked, but his heart wasn't in it.

"Not in the slightest." Giles answered.

"Liar." Spike retorted. "But it's not my pants that are on fire, so who cares?"

Giles ignored him and read for the rest of the trip. He also took a short nap before we arrived in Sunnydale by sunset. I had kept myself busy as well, planning how to get Spike to come to terms with his soul.

The only person to meet us at the airport was Buffy's mom. And boy did she ever not look like a mom. Giles blushed when he saw her, but that could have been due to her quick hug around his neck. She hugged Spike next, but he stiffened up. "I can smell the magic on you."

I apologised for his behaviour. Joyce told me it was no big deal, she was used to people being weird around her now. Especially, Buffy and her friends. "Giles is the only one who treats me like I'm normal."

"That may be 'cause you aren't normal, luv. You're bloody far from normal." Spike spoke slightly harshly, before his voice softened upon seeing her hurt expression, so much like her daughters'. "I'm sorry, mum. I'm being rude. It's just weird is all. You dying, which I didn't know about. And now you are alive again and miraculously younger… It makes me wonder, 's all."

"I have the same concerns, Spike," Giles reluctantly said. "But treating her like a pariah isn't going to help anyone. I would have thought you of all people would see it that way." Giles sighed. "And by people, I mean that in the most general way."

"Point taken, Watcher." Spike brusquely noted.

l looked at Joyce while Spike and Giles squabbled. "Boys," we spoke at the same time and giggled. I gave her a sideways hug. "I'm glad you aren't dead. No matter what the circumstances are."

Joyce hugged me back. "Thank you, Cross. Now, if only Buffy felt that way."

"I'm sure she does!" I retorted. "She probably just needs time to deal with it all. She was dealt a crushing blow when you died. For you to come back… it's emotional whiplash. Speaking of which, do you remember it? Death, that is."

She shook her head no. "One moment I was lying down on the couch because I felt dizzy… and then I was waking up in the morgue. Scared the pants off the operating physician. Poor guy passed out. I took his lab coat off him, and my medical information, and ran out of there into the dead of night. Rupert found me before I could get far, and he nearly fainted as well. Possibly because I was mostly naked under the lab coat. Or because he had thought me dead. But, he got me to my home, where we found Dawn. Giles called the paramedics, but she had lost so much blood. They are still trying to stabilize her. She's on daily blood transfusions. And all throughout that, we couldn't find Buffy. She was out killing vampires to take her mind off my death, I suppose. I think she feels guilty… for not being there to protect Dawn."

I let Joyce rant as we drove Spike to the crypt. Giles tried to get Joyce to stay in the car, but I reasoned with him that she was safer with us. Dalton, and our cat, greeted us at the door. "Master, Mistress, I'm so glad you are home."

Giles dropped Spike off into his armchair. "If that is all, I should like to get Joyce safely back home."

I waved him off. Dalton helped me the rest of the way. We cleaned Spike up in the makeshift shower. I had to brace him a few times with my body, so I took the next shower, as he was being fitted for bed. After I got dried off, I curled into bed with Spike. He was just silently crying. But I knew, once he closed his eyes, the nightmares would begin.


	9. Chapter 8

**Not Another Self Insert**

**Chapter 8**

**Cause and Effect**

* * *

_He's gotten bad for me,_

_He's gotten bad for me,_

_The only game he played,_

_Now, turn the other way._

_He's gotten bad for me,_

_He's gotten bad for me,_

_The only game he played, he played._

**Troubleman by Electric Guest**

* * *

I had barely gotten to sleep before he began thrashing. He cried out for forgiveness, he cried out so many names, he cried for the ones he hadn't bothered to know. He tried scratching at his bare chest, but I held his arms down with my legs. I curled on top of him protectively as he shifted into game face. I gasped as he bit me. But he wasn't aware of himself. He was lost in a memory. I felt my blood trickle down my neck and on my chest. It was only a distraction. "Spike."

He growled, drinking me. "Slayer."

"Spike it's me," I cried, "I'm here."

Spike licked my neck sensuously and I shivered. What was he remembering? "Sorry, luv." He mumbled, "I don't speak Chinese."

"I'm not Xin Rong, Spike!" I yelled, trying to shake him out of his visions of past misdeeds. "It's me. It's your Cross."

"Did anyone ever tell you that Slayer blood is an aphrodisiac?" Spike whispered, still dreaming. He moaned in ecstasy as he wriggled against me. "Slayer… I'm drowning in you, slayer."

He must have substituted Drucilla for Buffy in that memory. Tears fell and mixed with my blood on his chest. "Wake up!" I cried, "You have to wake up!"

I lost grip on him and he pinned me underneath him. He placed himself on top of me and I was worried he might take his memory too far. I bit him I was so frightened but it had no effect. Or rather, it had the opposite effect. He ground himself against me.

"You must wake up!" I shouted, pushing against him. I didn't want to aggravate his wounds.

He buried his head against my neck and licked the still dripping blood. But he wasn't moving his hips as much. I pet his hair, hoping to soothe him back to non-vision-y sleep. "Love you so much." He murmured against my skin. "Never gonna leave you, pet."

I cried as he fell back to sleep, immobilizing me underneath him. I kissed his shoulder. "Love you more."

I tried to move, but he struggled against me. I had to stay like that until he woke up.

"What did I do?" Spike cried when he woke up. "Oh shit… Did I?"

"No!" I quickly exclaimed. "No, you didn't."

"I bit you." He stated simply, and then brought his hand to his neck, where there was still a bit of blood. "You bit me."

I nodded. "You thought I was the chinese Slayer."

Spike's face fell. "Pet…"

"It's okay. I helped you through it." I spoke with false brightness. "Nothing has to change."

But everything already had.

"You'd tell me if I hurt you, right?" He asked, eyes full of soul.

I swallowed the truth deep down, where it wouldn't hurt him, and spoke, "Of course."

It was only emotional pain anyway. I could deal with that. It didn't have to mean anything. "Want to go see Joyce and Buffy?"

Spike shook his head. "I don't think the Slayer wants to see me… and I can't blame her."

"Nonsense!" I smiled, but it didn't reach my eyes. "Of course she will want to see you. If only for curiosity's sake."

Spike shrugged but got dressed to go anyway. He walked beside me the whole way without a word. 1630 Revello Drive looked much the same as when we last saw it. Creepy gnomes keeping silent watch and all. I knocked shortly on the door. Joyce answered, her honey brown hair up in a twist. We stepped inside and were surprised to notice Giles was there. "Cross, Spike… didn't expect you two to come around so soon." Giles spoke from the living room chair, holding a glass of some sort of alcoholic beverage.

I looked between the two with a raised eyebrow. Had Joyce been _entertaining_ Giles?

"What can I say? We're like a bad habit." I made light of it all. "Buffy's out?"

Joyce nodded. "I think she feels weird around me. She's often out of the house now… not coming home until almost dawn."

"So you get lonely a lot, huh?" I asked, smirking in Giles' direction.

Joyce had a tell-tale blush across her face. "Sometimes. Rupert comes over to talk to me. He's quite a story teller."

"Getting material for your Watcher's Diary?" I spoke, twirling the cross necklace around my neck. "I assume that's what you meant by her resurrection being 'quite fascinating'."

Giles blushed and began cleaning his glasses. "Yes, of course."

Spike hadn't yet said anything, even with all the material laid out before him. I looked over, he was just leaning against the archway door. His eyes were downcast, and his arms crossed. "Spike? Are you alright?" Joyce asked.

"Yeah, mum." Spike answered. "Just feeling a little under the weather."

"You want me to make some hot chocolate?" Joyce offered.

"With the little marshmallows?" Spike asked, a little bit of his usual joie de vivre coming into his voice.

"You know it!" She turned to the others in the room. "Cross, Rupert, would you like anything?"

"I brought my own." I spoke, winking, while Giles rose his glass and said, "No thank you, Joyce."

She left the room and I let out a breath. "That's just downright unsettling. She looks almost nothing like herself and yet… She seems to remember her entire life, even fake monk memories."

Giles nodded in agreement. "She is Joyce Summers, through and through. I've had Willow and Tara check to make sure that the soul inside is of Joyce Summers. The test, if you will, came back positive."

"So the Lil Bit worked some high level witchcraft to bind her soul back into her body, and did a bit of healing besides. And there weren't any consequences?" Spike finally voiced an opinion.

Giles laughed darkly. "Oh there were consequences. But they happened while you were busy trying to kill yourself for the chance at Buffy's… love." Giles curled his lips derisively at the last word.

"What happened?" I asked before Spike could bite back.

"A little dimensional traveler tried to hitch a ride on the wave created from the spell. Buffy vanquished it."

"Are we going to talk about how Dawn has powers far exceeding anyone else's and she is a teenage girl?" I asked. "When she wakes up, she is going to want to know more, do more… she needs to learn to control her powers."

"Well aware of that eventuality, thank you." Giles snippily replied. "I was thinking about contacting the Coven. That's sort of a magical refuge in my home country that is aligned with the Watchers. They could help hone her gifts in a safe environment. Once she is better. Joyce has agreed to let her go, if I take protective custody over her whilst she is there."

I thought about Willow and her many magical mishaps. "You should take the Witch with you as well. She's likely to need such training as well. It would help to have Willow and/or Tara along as well for Dawn's sense of familiarity."

"If they can pay for their own tickets, I will suggest it to them. I have a large enough house over there that that won't be a problem." Giles contemplated. "I do agree with you though that Willow has become lackadaisical in her treatment of magic. She loaned Dawn the books that led to this mess."

Joyce came back in the room with the hot chocolate for Spike. "You never told me that Willow was partially at fault."

"I didn't think that Willow was aware of Dawn's intentions. So the lending of books seemed irrelevant to me." Giles answered her unspoken challenge. "Plus, it felt wrong to blame anyone at all."

"Because I was alive again?" Joyce spoke, understandingly.

The silence was his agreement, it hung in the air. Spike sipped on the cocoa, breaking the tenseness of the moment. "Excellent cocoa, Joyce."

"It's just dried mix stuff. I'm hardly Julia Child." Joyce smiled brightly at his praise anyway.

"Piffle." Spike assured her. "The old broad has nothing on you."

"Careful, Spike," Giles warned, "She's a national treasure. Even has a rose named after her now, I hear."

"She could have the whole bloody island named after her, and I wouldn't care." Spike retorted, which made Giles laugh.

Were the two men… bonding? It certainly seemed like it by anyone's estimation. Especially my own.

By chance, Buffy came back well before dawn while everyone was still in the Summer's living room, laughing and telling tales. Spike laughing less, of course, but I figured that his recovery would take longer than the few days that had passed. His eyes riveted to hers, as soon as she stepped in the foyer.

"Buffy, I…" Spike trailed off.

"Is it true?" She asked, hesitantly moving towards him. "Is it really there?"

She sat down next to him, and the room quieted into a hush. She looked at him with a curious expression. It was somewhere between hope and despair. "I didn't believe you."

"I wouldn't have expected you to…" Spike reached out for her hands, that's when she noticed the burns on his wrist.

"Oh god." She whispered, gently taking his hand in return. "What you must have gone through."

"It was worth it." Spike spoke emphatically. "I'll never try to hurt you, Buffy, I swear."

"The burns," She looked up from his blackened flesh, "Are they-"

"Painful, yes… All over me, for the most part. They spared me the indignity of burning me someplace it would be hard to walk." Spike spoke for the first time of his trials. "The burns, I don't even notice them in comparison to what's eating me up inside."

Buffy placed her free hand on his chest, where his dead heart would be. "Spike… I owe you an apology-"

"No, luv. You don't. It is I who should apologise. I've been a selfish twat. I thought if I went to get my soul... you'd love me like you loved him. I wasn't seeing clearly… I was so focused on the goal, I left without any consideration." Spike explained, clutching her hand.

She leaned into him, not noticing Giles or her mom or anyone else in the room. "You stubborn ass. Why can't you just let me apologise for being a huge bitch to you." She laughed, tears falling down her cheeks.

"Nothing I didn't rightly deserve," He stroked her back soothingly. "I'm a monster, Buffy, but you- you treat me like a man and that's-" His voice stopped, it was too filled with emotion. "I'll never be able to repay you."

"Try sticking around a while…" Buffy said simply. "If you want to repay me, don't leave."

"How long do you want me to stay?" Spike asked, holding his breath unnecessarily. Joyce and Giles had already creeped out of the room. I had snuck out to sit on the stairs to listen.

Buffy went quiet for a long time, before her voice reached out to Spike uncertainly, "Forever. Does forever sound good to you?"

"I've got all the time in the world, pet." Spike soothed, "I'll stay by you as long as you need me."

"Spike… Can I trust you to not lie to me if it's really important?" Buffy asked, sounding unsure it she should offer him such trust.

"Only if it's really important. I'll not have you punching me in the nose because I say something about how you look in this or that dress." Spike jested. "A man's gotta have some secrets."

"What do you think about my mom? Do you think I can trust her?" Buffy sounded so heartsick with the prospect of not being able to trust her own mother.

"What are your Slayer instincts telling you?" Spike asked her, instead of answering directly.

"That she's really here… but that something has changed… and I can't tell, Spike. I don't know if it's for good or bad." Buffy let her fears escape her mouth, and sagged into the couch as if the fears had been holding her up.

"You'll figure it out, pet." Spike reassured her, "You always do. But you won't do it avoiding her like the plague. She's still your mum, and your avoidance of her has to sting."

We heard Joyce scream at that moment from the kitchen where she had hidden herself with Giles. Spike, Buffy, and I went charging in to the rescue. Buffy got there first, ripping the demon away from Joyce, while shouting a zippy one-liner, "You're paying for that door, buddy!"

"What is that thing?" I asked.

Spike went ahead and lit himself a cig outside, watching Buffy kick it's ass out the door. He gave it a squint of his eyes and then spoke carelessly, "M'Fashnik demon, nasty buggers. Sort of goons for hire type."

The demon tried charging back into the house but Spike kicked him back into the grass while the Slayer came hurtling out of the kitchen with an axe. "This'll kill it, right?"

Spike shrugged, "And most other things besides."

"You have cost me, Slayer." The demon growled, sweeping wide with his arms. He managed to break off a piece of the porch fence.

Buffy snorted, "I cost you? That door was imported, ya mook!"

The demon pinned Buffy in her mother's flower bed, killing very special tulips without batting a very scaly eye. "That's it. You're dead!"

She beheaded him right in front of one of the garden gnomes, the head rolled until it stopped, sightless, in front of the lawn ornament.

She huffed over to it with a pout on her face. As she picked up the head, which was dripping demon blood into the yard, she whined, "Why couldn't it have been one of the self disposing ones."

Spike took the demon head from her and put his cig out in it's eye. "Life's rarely fair, luv."

I looked back at a shaken Joyce Summers, "Sorry about the door and flowers… Can't imagine you could still work at the Gallery looking so much younger."

Joyce waved off my concerns, "I have an assistant taking care of everything. Such a lovely young man. Jonathan Levinson, have you met him?"

I shook my head no. Buffy laughed, "Oh my god, I thought he would have skipped town by now. Knowing how unsafe it is."

Spike looked just as confused, "One of your schoolmates, pet?"

She smiled brightly, her voice reflecting that she thought of Jonathan at least somewhat fondly, "He… I saved his life one time… And he gave me the best graduation present you could ask for: confidence in my duty as the Slayer."

Spike looked only slightly jealous. "Oh? Good for him."

Buffy punched Spike's arm lightly, "He's shorter than me. You have nothing to worry about."

"I don't know about that… Tom Cruise is shorter than you." Spike spoke suggestively.

Buffy wrinkled her nose, and it was adorable. "Ew! I'd never date him either, just look what happened with Nicole. Probably worshipping some Macaroni demon like those frat guys to give himself fame."

"Machida," Giles interrupted from the porch, no longer surveying the damage. "I believe that was the demon's name."

"Whatever," Buffy said, then indicated the dead demon in the yard, "Wonder what this guy was after? And who hired him."

"I could have Willow do a locator spell-" Giles stopped talking at a look from Buffy. "Or not. I'm also not a bad hand at magic."

Joyce sighed from the porch, "I'll call the contractor Xander set me up with…"

"Thanks mom!" Buffy said, to which Joyce smiled, glad that her daughter was acknowledging her again.

Spike and I left for the crypt not long after. The next few days were rough. Spike was no longer trying to kill himself, but he'd gone a bit weird in the head. Kept crying in the night, thrashing around, screaming that something was coming. But he didn't remember any of it while he was awake. If you only saw him awake you would swear that nothing whatsoever was wrong with him. He never got any more specific than that "something was coming" line either, which was just plain frustrating. It's Sunnydale, something is always coming, it never stops coming.

Buffy and I were out patrolling with Spike, just trying to help out as always, and she was telling us about the curious incidents that were occurring around her that day.

"There's this thing- someone's doing stuff to me. Messing up my life. 'Cept that it was kinda pre-messed already. School, and, and, jobs... pretty bad even without the evil." Buffy vaulted over a headstone like it was second nature.

Spike followed after her in the same manner. "So you're just, what? Gonna let this - whoever - play you 'til it figures out what kills you?"

"Giles is working on it." Buffy spoke confidently, eyes on the look out for any demons or vampires.

Spike spoke, getting some of his missing snark back, "Oh, good. Cuz Giles, he wields the Mighty Force of Library Books."

"You'd do better?" Buffy teased, sitting down on top of a gravestone.

He smirked, sitting down beside her, extraordinarily close. "Damn right. I'd hit the demon world. Ask questions, throw punches, find out what's in the air. Fun, too."

"'S not my kind of fun." Buffy dismissed.

Spike looked her deeply in the eyes. "Yeah. It is. And your life's gonna get a lot less confusing when you figure that out."

She leaned in, they were only a hair's breadth apart. He could probably feel her breath on his lips. "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah," He answered, "You aren't the same high school girl that dreamed of boys and shopping… You've tasted power, and you like it. So when I say you enjoy the fight every bit as much as I do. It's not because it's what I hope for… it's because I've seen you in action. Kitten has claws, and she's not afraid to use them. You've certainly shown me that once or twice."

I rolled my eyes at their flirting, casting my gaze elsewhere... although they hardly seemed to care. Something shimmered in my vision. My feral yellow eyes glowed in the dark to see what I'd glimpsed. There was a soft blue light coming from a black van parked near the entrance of Restflied. "Government operatives?" I asked no one in particular, as I scented the air. I smelled something familiar coming from that direction. Something I usually associated with Xander Harris. "G-man isn't known for a heady stench of mountain dew and fruit roll ups."

Could Xander be spying on Spike and Buffy? That seemed a little extreme, even for him. I shrugged and analyzed the odor more minutely, while pretending to have found something else of interest. Whoever was sitting in that van was definitely taking an interest in Buffy. It seemed like I had found the source of her anomalous issues. I said goodbye to Spike and Buffy, as they made a plan to hit up a local demon bar. I traveled in the opposite direction, ostensibly going back to the crypt. In reality, I was behind a large oak tree as soon as soon I was out of sight. Spike and Buffy got on his motorcycle and drove off, with the van following behind. My sharp vampire vision caught the license plate number as they left the scene.

I had their scent now, both metaphorically and literally. If they started to be more of a problem, I would be ready for them.

Buffy came back with Spike piss drunk and talking about demons that went poof and the van. In the same sentence. Which I knew couldn't be right as there weren't any demons in that van. "So, the culprits have themselves a sorcerer. Someone adept at glamors."

Buffy just stared at me, gob smacked. "Come again now?"

"It's the only logical explanation. That van was watching us earlier, at the cemetery. I smelled humans inside."

Buffy wrinkled her nose, "Can I just say: ew! That's my least favorite vampire ability. Totally wigsome."

I looked over at Spike, blaming him for getting her wasted. He glanced back, his expression saying: don't blame me, it was her idea. "Never the less, that van is not the property of demons. So, you saw a demon come from there, fight you while the van's occupants escaped, and then disappear in a cloud of smoke. Smells like sorcery to me. The 'demon' was a distraction."

"Actually, pet… Cross is making a lot of sense." Spike supported me.

"Thanks!" I smiled at him. "It's a good thing I made the van. They will have to ditch it if they don't want to get caught. And even then… They will have to get a new hideout as well."

"You made a van?" Buffy asked. "What?"

"I know their plate numbers." I explained. "With that I can track them down."

"Oh! Are you good with computers?" Buffy asked. "Maybe you and Wills can work on that. And I'll see if Giles knows about any old sorcerer friends it might be. Can't be Rayne, he's with the Initiative now. Spike-?"

He looked to her with his head slightly tilted. "Yeah, luv?"

Buffy's cheeks became warmer, the blood swimming delicately to the fore. "Just keep your eyes and ears open, okay?"

Buffy escaped the crypt, as if it was full of bloodthirsty vampires. Wait- It kind of was. Think of a less literal metaphor up there yourself. I can't do all the work myself, you know!

I turned to Spike, he had on a wide grin. "She blushed. I made the Slayer blush. She's so cute when she's flustered."

"Yeah, I saw that too." I said, distantly. "'Are you good with computers?' Pfft. Sending me off to work with Willow. I don't need the meddlesome witches help."

"But you will need her internet." Spike spoke, popping my bubble.

"I should've left you in Africa." I teased. "But then who would I have to show me how not to woo someone." I laughed as his face got petulant. "Oooh, Slayer! You're so cute, Slayer. Have my vamp babies, Slayer." I taunted as he ran around the crypt trying to catch me. "Oh wait, that would be an improvement." I stopped, letting him catch me.

He tickled me, until I was giggling uncontrollably. "Some vampires you two are." I heard, Dalton was coming in the door with a bag full of goodies. "Of course, who am I to judge, right?"

I pushed Spike away, and got up from the floor of the crypt. "Thank whoever that you are here, Dalton. We need to do a little pest control."

He put away the blood in the mini fridge, having to take out some booze to do it. Spike quickly picked up the bottle, and settled down with it in his easy chair. Of course, he had to move the kitten out of it first.

"I thought that was what that cat was for? Eating bugs and mice." Dalton soon moved over to his writing desk, looking around for a book.

"Not those kinds of pests." I vaguely answered. "In any case, let's do a little spring cleaning, shall we?"

After a thorough search of the crypt, top to bottom, I concluded that they hadn't yet put any bugs on our place. "Probably don't understand our importance yet, since we have been out of town for a few months. That means it was someone the Slayer pissed off recently. The Initiative would have known to bug here. It's not the Watchers either."

I ruminated on the things they had done so far to Buffy that we knew about. Distorted her sense of time with some electronic device. Summoned demons while she was working with Xander at the construction site. Made her relive the same hour over and over again. Something about that seemed… familiar. "There is at least two people involved. Probably three. Someone advanced with technology and robotics. Someone that can summon demons. And a sorcerer proficient in reality distorting spells. There is something almost… juvenile about these attacks."

"Probably humans, right?" Spike helped me get an idea for who they were in my mind. "You're thinking they might be rather young?"

I nodded in agreement. "College age or younger. It could be someone who goes to UC Sunnydale. Someone in her classes. The nature of the attacks seem like something you'd see on a sci-fi television show."

Spike laughed, "So, we're looking for three nerds who are around college age who have something against Buffy for what reason? If they know she's the Slayer, why are they messing with her?"

I smugly grinned, putting the last piece together in my mind. "They are nerds… they are acting out a typical nerd fantasy. They want to be supervillains. But they've only seen villains from TV shows. They haven't tasted true evil… wouldn't know what to do with it if it came up and bit them on the ass."

"Which it might soon do," Dalton added. "Do you think the Slayer would miss them?"

"No, she wouldn't," I said, then added, "But she would feel guilty that she hadn't saved them. If she knew you had killed them, she might feel more pressure to come and kill you. So far you have done well staying off her radar."

"So, we can't kill them." Dalton summed up, "And the Slayer won't kill them because they are human… Doesn't this mean that they have already won? All of the roadblocks to their plans have been pushed away."

"Not quite," I spoke, cuddling the cat in my arms. "We don't have to kill them to keep them out of the way. I'm thinking there is a way we can incapacitate them. But first… we have to find them. I think it's time for me to draw them out. To do that, I have to out nerd the nerds."


	10. Chapter 9

**Not Another Self Insert**

**Chapter 9**

**Hostage**

* * *

_Just when things are getting complicated _  
_In the eye of the storm_  
_She flicks a red hot revelation off the tip of her tongue_  
_It does a dozen somersaults and leaves you supercharged_  
_Makes me wanna blow the candles out _  
_just to see if you glow in the dark_

**The Hellcat Spangled Shalalala by Arctic Monkeys**

* * *

A week or so passed in blissful silence from any nascent threats, even Spike started to have less nightmares. Halloween arrived quietly, without much fanfare, and we were spending it semi calmly until Giles turned up while we were watching horror movies on the telly, and laughing at how overdone they were.

"What do I owe the pleasure, Watcher?" Spike taunted, popping a bit of popcorn in his mouth.

Giles whipped out a crossbow and kept it trained on me. I tensed in my seat, which was really Spike's lap, we hadn't got another chair yet as there weren't many chairs in good condition at the dump. "Save it for someone that cares, Spike. Have you seen Dawn?"

Spike looked at Giles with some confusion. "Bit's not at the hospital?"

The crossbow shook slightly in the Watcher's hand. It wasn't as comforting as you would think. "Not anymore. The staff think she walked out. Her clothes were missing, and so was she."

"So, she recovered and decided to take a midnight stroll?" Spike sighed, getting up slowly out of the seat, so as not to frighten the Watcher. "Well, she's not bloody here, so we need to go find the bit. Where's Buffy? I'm sure she will be the most worried, besides Joyce."

By the look on Giles' face it was obvious he hadn't told either of them yet. "Buffy went patrolling… I picked up the phone while Joyce was asleep. Didn't tell her, didn't want to worry her."

Spike's eyebrow rose. "Good on you, Rupes. Finally seeing a bird naked."

Giles' crossbow swiveled quickly to Spike. "I'm not in the mood for your crude assumptions, _William_ the Bloody."

"Do you want me to help find Dawn or not?" Spike asked, taking out a cig from the pack. "She doesn't have much time. If you are going to stand here and waste more of it… more power to you. I can't imagine either Summers' women will be too pleased, though."

Giles stormed out of the crypt without another word. Spike and I went to the lower level to get suited up to find Dawn, and kill anything that tried to touch her.

"Can you sniff her out?" I asked as we were getting everything together.

Spike shook his head no. "She's almost identical to Buffy. It would be difficult to pinpoint a trace of Dawn with the Slayer everywhere in this town."

I shrugged, going up the ladder after Spike. before I got halfway up I heard the twin frightened gasps of Buffy and Spike. They must have startled one another.

"You know in civilized cultures that's called trespassing." Spike joked, covering up his earlier fright.

"Good thing you're uncivilized. We've got trouble." Buffy didn't sound like she was up to teasing and flirting with Spike. Something serious was on her mind.

Spike spoke, "Giles found you?"

"Giles? No, is he looking for me?" Buffy asked, not quite getting why Spike had asked. She didn't know about Dawn then.

"Yeah. It's Dawn -"

Buffy cut him off, looking pretty freaked out, "What happened? Is she all right?"

"Giles came by earlier looking for you. She pulled a little Houdini act, escaped the hospital. Don't rightly know what for. Can't be for trick-or-treatin'." Spike shrugged. "I was just about to go out and look for her and you."

"So, she's just running around out there somewhere? With her iron levels still low… at nighttime… when vamps could be about."

Spike nodded, "Like I said. Let's go. It may be halloween, but she's far from being safe."

"We have to find her." Buffy busted open our weapon chest, finding it mostly empty.

Spike showed her that he had most of of the weapons on him already. "Unless you were tryin' to find her in there… I suggest we get a move on. Twilight's wastin'."

We rushed towards the woods just behind the cemetery, hearing a scream in the distance. It could very well be Dawn. Giles was surrounded by Vamps when we got to the make out spot. Dawn was weakly held in the grasp of a teenaged vamp. He seemed to have been turned at around 17 though.

"This a private game, or can anyone have a go?" Spike taunted, coming to stand beside Giles.

"Dawn! Are you -" The Slayer broke off, eyeing the tableau before her. "Were you parking? With a vamp?!"

"I didn't know he was dead!"

I rolled my eyes as the teen vamp defended his status as the 'living dead'. As Spike would say: what a wanker.

"Shut up!" Dawn told the vamp, backing farther away from him.

"How could you not know?" Buffy accused.

I laughed slightly. "You didn't know, about Angel. Dawn told me."

Buffy shrugged, "That was different."

I swallowed my urge to snark 'always is with you'. Dawn defended her own actions. "I just met him. He found me wandering around. Janice was with them… I just thought… it must be okay."

"Oh, this is far from okay. Just wait until Mom hears that you were parked in the woods with a boy you just met." Buffy threatened.

"We've seen each other at parties-" The teen vamp spoke defensively.

"Shut up," Buffy sniped, not even looking at the vampire as she was too busy glaring at Dawn, "I can't believe you."

"Oh like you've never fallen for a vampire." Dawn retorted, still shakily moving toward Giles and Spike.

Buffy eyed her sister like she was mental. "This isn't love, Dawn. You can't fall in love with someone you've just met. Love takes time… and, and sacrifice, and a lot of other things you just aren't ready for."

An older vampire interjected somewhat meekly, "Uh ... can we fight now?"

My face shifted forms, as I smiled darkly, "My pleasure."

Before I can lunge at the closest vamp, Buffy spoke, "Didn't any of you come here just to make out?"

A human couple raised their hands shakily, obviously scared out of their wits. My vampire instincts surged with desire at the smell of their fear. I kept my eyes on my real prey, as Buffy quipped, "Aw, now that's sweet. You, run."

The couple took off running, but a vampire went after them, following the same instincts. He didn't get far as I shot him in the back with my crossbow. "Shame to waste a meal like that."

"You, scream." Buffy told the vamp who had spoken up earlier.

"Die, Slayer!" The vamp 'smartly' retorted, full sarcasm intended.

"Been there," Buffy started, and I finished with her, "done that."

The teenage vamp boy grabbed Dawn, his eyes lighting up. "Your sister's the Slayer? I totally get that. I knew there was something special about you."

Dawn's eyes flashed with dark fury, I swore they even turned pitch black. She aimed a strong kick at the vampires crotch and took off away from him. Apparently being compared to Buffy was her berserk button.

The next few minutes were a whirl of action, blood, and fear. Spike and I really let loose on the vampires. Buffy mainly provided defense for the humans. But she was also a blur of fists and kicks and snappy one-liners. Dawn somehow made a portal in her vamp beau's chest and sent his heart somewhere. It was disturbing, her hand and shirt were bloody, and I knew it wasn't all hers. The vampire dusted on top of her, his ashes falling like snowflakes.

I extended a hand towards her and helped her on her feet. My face was still bumpy but she only hesitated slightly before letting me help her up. Her face was covered in dust and blood and tears. "Let's get you someplace safe and cleaned up."

"I wanna go home." She spoke, brokenly.

I nodded, walking her to the vampire's car. Keys were still in the ignition. Spike got in the driver's seat, Giles had shotgun, and Dawn, Buffy, and I rode in the back.

Joyce was awake when we got to the house. She looked pretty well furious, too. "How could you?!" She screamed before we had all gotten out of the car.

"I'm sorry, mom. I screwed up-" Dawn began to apologize when Joyce cut her off.

"I'm not talking about you right now, Dawn. What you did was irresponsible but you are only a teenage girl. I'm more angry with Rupert for not telling me my daughter was missing from the hospital after-" Joyce clammed up, thinking better of saying what they were doing together that night. "After I trusted you to take care of her."

Giles looked really upset, emotionally speaking, for him. He fished around in his mind for the right words to say. His mouth even looked like a fish. "I- I'm terribly sorry, Joyce… I was only trying to keep you from worrying."

"That's my decision. Not yours, Rupert." Joyce said in a tone of finality, "Good night. Come inside girls. And thank you for finding her and bringing her home safely, Spike, Cross. But I think it's a family night so you should leave, and take Mr. Giles with you."

As soon as Buffy and Dawn were both in the house, the door closed. I peered over at Giles and he seemed vacant. His eye eyes were shuttered. I tugged him back into the car, and we dropped him off at his apartment. As he stepped out, I said one thing, "You disappointed her tonight. But it's not the end of it… not if you do your best to regain her trust. Goodnight, Giles."

Giles nodded, and went into his house without a word. Spike gunned it as soon as Giles was safely inside.

A few days pass with the usual speed of time, no funny time shenanigans from the Nerds. In fact, nothing at all from the Nerds… what were they waiting for anyway? Probably a limited edition Millenium Falcon statue. I had a good idea that the bank robbery a few weeks ago was their work. Namely because the bank were saying a wild animal had come in there and ripped to door off it's hinges. 'Wild animal' being a code word in Sunnydale for some unknown demon. In any case the only strange thing that was going around was human and demon denizens alike were starting to randomly burst into song, and sometimes choreographed dance numbers.

Spike and I saw a huge demon belt out Bo Mambo, which isn't exactly in his natural range. It was an interesting experience, to be sure. Spike couldn't stop laughing, so I had to drag him back to the crypt before I could go out and find a vampire to eat, and stake. When I got back Spike was singing to Buffy, and doing it as if in a punk rock music video.

"Alright Billy Joel, you can stop now." I said as they both fell into an open grave. Soon, Buffy shot up out of there like she was on fire, and ran for it. Spike's head popped up, just making it out of the grave.

He watched her go with a heartbroken expression, "So... you're not staying, then?"

I snorted, "As if she could stand to have you crooning love ballads at her all night long."

"You didn't mind the song I sang for you." He spoke, pouting slightly.

I helped him scramble out of the grave, and said softly, "Well, it did help me fall asleep."

He sighed, dusting off his jeans.

"So, the Scoobies on the case for whatever is causing Sunnydale's sudden musicality?" I asked, once he had cleaned himself up a little bit.

He shrugged. "They have no idea so they came running to me. Surprised they sent Buffy, would've thought the Watcher would come threaten us with a crossbow again. Like we are scared of the trumped up librarian."

"I don't know… He was pretty wicked with that bat." I referred to the excitement when we had just barely gotten our bearings in Sunnydale for Angelus to go and ruin it all.

Spike threw a free arm around me as he fumbled in his pockets for his lighter, his cig hanging onto his lips. "Fair point. He might just have it in him to get a little of the old rough and tumble. A few years ago. Nowadays he's lucky to be getting out of bed."

I laughed, "He's not that old Spike. He may be a mortal, but he's not a senior citizen yet."

"Did you want to help out the Slayerettes? Or just stay in till this whole thing blows over?" Spike asked as we got back inside the crypt.

The cat came up to Spike, mewing insistently and curling around his legs. He smiled, picking up the feline. "At least you are glad to see me, Shalalala."

Spike sang out the cat's name to the tune it came from. Thankfully he didn't begin an ode to the cat. That would have been the nail in his Big Bad image coffin. "I was thinking we should scout around town. See if there are any suspicious types about. Well, one's that we haven't seen before."

"Sounds like a plan." Spike mumbled, still looking a bit heart sick as he cuddled the cat. "I never really had a chance with her, did I? Even with this soul… she runs from me."

I sighed, not wanting to tell him what I suspected. "She's not afraid of you… She's afraid of herself. She's not had the best track record, due in part to loving men who either turn into monsters or turn to monsters to feel needed. I think some part of her thinks it's her. That something is wrong with her. That makes it even harder for someone to love her. Unless… they don't make it about themselves."

"It's all about her. It's always been about her. Ever since I came into this bloody town." Spike retorted. "I was just too full of blood and lust to see it back then. I figured she was just another challenge. but she always threw me. There's no one else like her, pet. No one else. And I may be a damn fool for feeling this way… but she's the one. And I'm not even one of many to her. Unless you count one of many vampires."

"That's not exactly true." I voiced, "I think she has begun to really trust you. She hasn't had a chance to come to terms with everything that has happened these past few months. What can I say? She's slow."

Music stirred up around us and I groaned semi melodically, I really didn't want to have this conversation as a song.

"**She's killing me," **he sang.

"_Don't you think that's a little melodramatic?"_

"**Her pointed looks never seem to miss my heart."**

"_I knew you were dense, but really?"_

"**She's killing me," **He draped himself against the coffin, posing like he was dead.

"_This game you play has made you into an addict."_

I mimicked playing a video game. He took the imaginary controller out of my hands, making it real when it broke against the wall of the crypt.

"**I place myself at her beck and call, waiting for her to press start,"**

"_You can't leave it up to fate, you have to show your love freely,"_

He twirled around, the cigarette glowing in his mouth.

"**That's easy for you to say!"**

"_What is that supposed to mean?"_

He took the cigarette out of his mouth and spun it around his fingers, before putting it out against my heart.

"**You've never had to risk the pain."**

"_Would you even notice if I did?"_

He was doing a dance number, out of the crypt as I followed behind him, and looking away at the exit of Restfield. He shook out of his reverie for a moment.

"**What did you just say?"**

"_Nothing, let's move on to the next scene."_

Somehow we found ourself outside the magic box, where a weird creature was skulking about in the alley way. I punched him into the wall with an incredibly dance inspired kung fu stance. Spike grabbed him and drug him in the shop as the music tapered off, while I stayed outside.

"_I'm such a fool, I'm still just a kid."_

I fell against the wall, tears coming to my eyes. In the silence, not punctuated by wailing guitar riffs, I let myself cry.

"Sometimes it seems like we are doomed to chase the impossible" A stranger spoke from the misty alleyway. My eyes were the culprit this time, as I tried to blink away tears.

"Who is there?" I asked, defensively, I didn't want them to see me cry. But it seemed they already saw.

"An ally, an enemy, anything is possible." The voice cryptically answered. "Is this town always in the midst of a musical, or did I get lucky?"

"I won't answer someone I can't see." I retorted, trying to find where the voice was coming from. The alleyway appeared deserted.

"That's up to you." The voice definitely sounded strange as it answered me. "I don't think it's time for us to meet just yet. You've been busy moving my pieces around. I had to come and see you for myself."

My brain clicked, putting all the pieces together but not coming back with a full picture of the puzzle. "What are you?"

It laughed, the sound was like metal and ice, falling into the deep, dark ocean. "I have been called many things."

"That didn't answer my question. But I don't suppose that's what you're here for. I'm guessing you are just here to make me get jumpy and wonder what's out there in the darkness that I can't bleed dry." I stood up not bothering to go into a battle stance. "Whatever, or whoever you are… you must think I'm really vain. You are hoping this strokes my ego, aren't you? I see exactly what you are. So stay hidden, it just proves me right."

It went quiet for a minute, and I wondered if it had already left before I had last spoken.

"This is going to be a lot of fun. Something I haven't had in quite some time. By the way, you never thanked me."

"What do I have to thank you for?" I asked still not getting a read on where the voice was coming from.

"Your sire has stopped having those nasty nightmares, hasn't he? Boy, my face would be red if I forgot about that." The voice was varying in pitch, it sounded like it was more than one voice on occasion.

"Are you what is coming?" I asked.

"I'm already here." It answered. I knew that would be the last I would hear of it for awhile.

I walked through town as things started heating up. Parts of Sunnydale were reenacting the West SIde Story: Sunnydale style. I wondered how in hell they were going to explain this to themselves in the morning, or if they even would. I had tried to find any of the Scoobies or my sire, but they must have already left to deal with the demon responsible. I went to the local game store, looking to get something for my DS. Something cute to take my mind off of things for awhile. The shopkeeper and patrons were in the midst of an interesting rendition of Still Alive, from the Portal game. The shopkeeper was singing GladOS' parts, with the patrons dancing around with video game boxes in their hands. They stopped as I walked in.

I smelt them, or at least one of them in the store with me. Which should have been an obvious place to look for the nerds, I'm not sure why I didn't try here sooner. The one comic/game store in the entirety of Sunnydale… and I hadn't thought to scope it out. All the guys in the place blushed bright red at seeing me, there were no women in the store. "Did I interrupt a furious LARPing session or what?"

They seemed to have been struck dumb by my mere presence, and wasn't that irritating, so I proceeded to the meager Nintendo section. All the while I was trying to pinpoint who was in the van that was also in this store. A blond male approached me, it was him, so I didn't have to do much. "Sunnydales not that big of a town. But I could swear I've seen you somewhere before… Not here though."

I picked up a copy of the newest pokemon game. "It can't be from school. You look college age."

"Actually, I'm not going to college for my own reasons right now," The fey looking nerd explained unnecessarily, "I wouldn't have guessed you are still in high school. You have a more mature aura about you."

I rose one eyebrow, the nerd shrunk back a little. "Life experience will do that for you. Was there a reason, beyond hitting on a high schooler, to this conversation? Before you say it… of course you were only trying to make friends."

He blushed vibrantly and looked quite offended. "Well, it's true! I just thought you seemed like a cool person."

My eyes flashed gold, responding to his surge of blood to the face. His eyes widened upon seeing the temporary loss of control over my demon half. "What are you? A vampire? Oh no, I'm dead… so dead. I'm sorry Warren." The nerd hopped behind a display and cowered.

"Stop being a baby. I'm not going to kill you. You're not really my type." I spoke as I hauled him out of the store, and into the alleyway. I knocked him out cold, and brought him to our crypt. Dalton helped me tie him up, nice and tight.

Spike came back to see us pinching the blond ninny on the arm, trying to get him to wake up. "What's this? You brought me a snack? Not much of one, is he?"

Spike winked at me, indicating I should play along. "It's the best I could do on such short notice, sire. I know he's a little… scrawny… but needs must."

Spike got into his game face and mimed like he was going to take a bite out of the nerd. The guy began to cry, and beg for mercy. "Or at least turn me afterwards."

"Yeah, not going to happen there, champ." Spike laughed. "So, you are awake. I'm guessing you are one of the three messing with my Slayer… which one, you think?"

I looked at him. "Robots, maybe?"

"No, that's Warren's thing. He's really good at it."

"Where have I heard of this Warren chap before… ah, right. He's the bloke who made himself a sexbot and then got bored of her. Nasty sort, you don't want to get mixed up with him." Spike smirked, still in game face.

The boy struggled in his binds, but couldn't move a muscle. "Don't bother. No one's coming to your rescue." I spoke, still pinching him because it was funny. "So, if not robots… that leaves demon summoner or illusionist. I think summoner is more likely. What's your name, summoner?"

"Andrew Wells." He spoke, and then clammed up. "You won't get anything more out of me, you Tricksy she-vamp."

"So, we have a Warren and an Andrew, the third member is proficient at illusions… could it be that one kid... John something?"

"Jonathan," Andrew answered, "Oh blast…"

"This is easier than taking candy from an especially slow baby." I mocked. "So, what's your beef with the Slayer?"

"We're her arch-nemisises… nemesi? The point is we are a league of evil uniting against her tyranny of good." The boy said without a trace of irony, which only made Dalton, Spike, and I laugh harder. "What, why are you laughing? We did the bank heist. We messed up the slayers school and job prospects. That makes us super villains. She has to oppose us and attempt to stop us."

"This isn't a comic book story, Andrew." I spoke through the tears of laughter. "Why do you really hate her? Do you even hate her? I'm guessing you don't, but your ring leader does. Am I getting warm here?"

"Warren doesn't hate Buffy- I mean… I'm not talking to you!" Andrew grit his teeth to try to prevent himself from blabbering all over the place.

"Really? He must be a _little_ upset she destroyed his favorite sex doll." I coaxed.

"No. He doesn't really care April was damaged… but the Slayer messed up this thing he had with his then girlfriend. Warren will get her back though, once he's king of Sunnydale's underground."

Spike and I looked at each other in shared amusement. "There isn't any such thing, you wanker. And even if there was, a little human boy with magic parlor tricks and a few robot sex dolls is certainly not goin' to be king. Even the Master only ruled the vampires of his clan. That Adam had a few demons and vamps to his name… and look how well that went. You and you're roleplaying group aren't going to cut it."

Spike looked at him with deathly seriousness. "Here's a bit of free advice, stay well out of the Slayer's way. And even more importantly, drop Warren… I know his type… and you will never be it. He's only going to use your loyalty until it no longer serves him. Take your other friend with you if you have to… just leave Warren to his vengeance kick. Because, make no mistake, we will put an end to him if the Slayer doesn't."

"You can't play that trick on me. I know what you are trying to do. You are trying to divide and conquer." Andrew protested.

I rolled my eyes. "Obviously. But it's also in your best interest if you leave the battlefield before I am forced to break one or more of your limbs."

Andrew paled. "I'm not scared of you."

"Typical line of someone who is so terrified, he's a hair's breadth from wetting himself." I murmured, poking him in the bladder. He whimpered and tensed up. I knocked him out again and brought him over to Giles' apartment with the help of Spike. Needed a driver after all.

Giles' looked a bit worse for wear when we got there, definitely looked like he'd been worrying himself sick. "What's this all about? Is he?"

"He's alive. He's one of the three that have been tormenting Buffy. I caught him, but thought you might want to have at him yourself. You did clear out the bugs on your house, right?" I spoke, dragging Andrew inside the flat and tying him to a chair. Giles busied himself in the kitchen, making something with caffeine to wake himself up no doubt. What he needed was a shower.

Giles set the tea service on the coffee table and scowled slightly as Spike helped himself to a cuppa. "Of course I did. I also set up some enchantments around the place that should be a deterrent to that happening again."

"Feisty, Watcher." Spike commented from the leather chair he'd set down in without so much as a by your leave. "Your tea is a bit weak, by the way."

"I couldn't very well import proper tea now, could I? Not on my budget. Try to make do with my accommodations, _William_." Giles sniped at Spike as I snickered at the both of them. "After all, I have kept your secret from the council. I can't imagine they'd be too pleased you turned a Slayer. Luckily for you, I am not as by the rules as they."

Spike held up his hands in surrender, but put the tea cup directly on the table. "Sorry, Rupes."

"You wouldn't have really told them, would you?" I asked, slightly hurt. "Did you think about it?"

Giles shrugged. "Very briefly, at first… when I hadn't yet come to realize your special nature. Angel was cursed with his soul, you kept yours, and Spike fought for his... I'm sure there is a prophecy somewhere about this. What I'm not so sure about is if I want to know it. Prophecies haven't been known to be portents of good. It has made me wonder about the Aurelian line…"

"They're nothing special, Watcher. Just like to think they are… a bunch of pomp and circumstance. I'm glad to be well shot of them. It's probably only a coincidence all three of us are in the same line. A quirk of fate." Spike reassured in his own brash way.

Andrew came to moments later. "Mr. Giles, the librarian?"

"We know you know that he's more than that." I helped Andrew drink some of Giles' tea. He drank it without even considering what I could have put in there. "Tell the nice man everything you can."

"I don't have any idea what you could be talking about. You kidnapped me!" Andrew shouted, struggling against the ropes. He couldn't move an inch. "Mr. Giles. You have to get me away from these crazy people. I think they might be on drugs."

"They aren't," Giles spoke in his ripper voice, "But you are. Didn't your mother ever tell you not to accept food or drink from strangers?"

In point of fact, there was absolutely nothing in the tea… but he didn't need to know that. "What- what do you mean?"

Giles took off his glasses, and rolled up his sleeves. His smile was cold as he leaned over a bound Andrew Wells. "Do you know much about Chemistry, Andrew?"

Wells shook his head. "That's something Jonathan is good at." He looked upset. "You drugged me with truth serum?"

I smiled toothily. "How else could we get you to talk? You obviously weren't going to say anything otherwise."

"Oh yeah? Well… I won't tell you anything now. I know how these things work. They don't if you know they are happening." Andrew boasted.

My hand flashed out and grabbed onto his neck, right next to his pulse point, which was jumping like crazy. "I have many methods. Did you know vampires can put you in a thrall?"

Giles looked at me with concern. "I don't think that will be necessary, Cross."

My vampire eyes glowed right in front of the nerd, who could only flinch so far back. "If you close your eyes I **will** sever your carotid artery here and now. Now, wannabe villain… _fall into my gaze… lose your ego… tell me everything…_"

His eyes went from shocked to glazed almost immediately. I was glad that Dru had taught me this little trick. Spike had never had the patience to learn it. And Angel… didn't like it for much more sinister reasons.

"Where is your base of operation?" I asked softly, my voice orchestrated to soothe out the answers I needed.

"Of course I'll tell you that Mr. Bond," Andrew giggled, "It's in Warren's mom's basement."

Spike mouthed, 'Mr. Bond?', and tried to stifle his laughter.

"Thank you, Andrew. What are you three planning to do next?"

Andrew smiled dopily, "We're going to the Museum to steal a diamond for Warren's invisibility gun. And there is nothing you can do to stop us, Mr. Bond."

"Maybe not, Andrew," I said, bringing him out of the stupor. "But with two vampires, two witches, a carpenter, a dimensional key, and a slayer… what chance do you have, really?"

Andrew looked horrified, and he struggled some more, trying to escape to warn his friends. I knocked him out once again, just for fun. "I love punching that kid, there is something so satisfying about it."

"So… they won't do the bank heist without him, you think?" I asked, casually wiping the nerds blood off with the tea service's napkin. Giles scowled at me but didn't say a word.

"I don't know about that, pet. My guess is blondie over here is team cheerleader, and not worth much to the other two. Especially to their team leader. The question becomes if their whole operation will crumble because I don't much see the other one sticking around when we have one of theirs. He's likely to come to us for negotiation. Probably rat this Warren guy out so as we will return Wells unharmed." Spike reasoned, causing Giles to look at him with a speculative gleam in his eyes.

"I never thought you were very good at strategy, Spike." Giles commented rather bluntly.

"Oi! I'll have you know I'm excellent at strategy… I just get so bored is all." He looked a bit embarrassed. "Cross has helped with that a bit."

Giles raised his eyebrows. "A little girl taught you patience?"

I frowned. "I'm over 18 now… I just look like this permanently." I indicated my slight frame. "Besides, strategy isn't limited to age."

Giles laughed. "And that's what you two get for bringing this mess to my door, and ruining my coffee table, and some of my best linens. This is why vampires make poor guests."

"Really, Rupes? This is about some bloody trinkets? I never pegged you for being materialistic and petty." Spike spoke while heading for the door, "Well, I'm off to inform the Slayer. Cross, stay here and punch him if you have to…"

"Which one?" I joked.

"Either." He responded with a cocky grin, as he shut the door loudly.

Giles helped me secure Andrew in the bathroom. I didn't ask where he got the cuffs as a result. Back in the living room, I had one more thing to tell the Watcher.

"Spike has been having nightmares… 'Something is coming'... he mumbles. I think I met that something tonight in an alley, while you guys were busy with the song and dance demon. I didn't get a look at it. I only heard it's voice… It wasn't human."

Giles sat down across from me, looking concerned. "Did it attempt to harm you?"

"No," I shrug slightly, "I think it was trying to say something… something it can't say yet. It told me it stopped Spike's nightmares." I bit my lip. "It's something bigger than a demon… I think maybe you should look into prophecies... just in case. And you should also get in touch with Angel… I don't want to bring him here… but he should know there is something big brewing in Sunnydale."

Giles nodded in agreement. "Neither do I want him here. But, he is a Champion for the Powers That Be. Kind of a piss poor one, but they can't be a perfect judge of character."

"I guess you will have to keep him here until things are resolved. We can't keep him at the crypt… I doubt Buffy will want him in her house." I spoke, bringing up our hostage once again.

Giles agreed readily to that arrangement. "It's not the ideal solution, but it will have to do."

It seemed like something else was on his mind. I didn't want to pry however, so I just sat in silence with him for awhile. The only sounds were slight clinking from the tea cups being picked up and sat back down.

"I'm going back to England." He spoke suddenly, after several minutes of quiet.

I looked closely at his strained expression. "I take it, with or without Dawn. You have yet to reconcile with Joyce after all."

He sighed, setting down his now cold tea for the final time. "You are not incorrect in assuming that."

"You have to take her with you… She used her powers to make a hole in a vamps chest and teleported his heart out of it… who knows where… She's only going to become more powerful as time goes on." I spoke seriously, putting aside my own tea cup as well.

Giles ran his hands through his hair in frustration. "It's not exactly up to me… I have Council matters to take care of…"

"What could be more important than your role as Watcher of the current Slayer?"

"That's just it… she isn't the current Slayer. After she died, and then you, another was called. This one has been hiding herself from the council. She's been using cloaking spells to conceal herself from the Coven. So she's a truly rogue Slayer. That's why I have to return to the Watcher's Council. They are drafting up a plan to deal with her and need me present." Giles sounded world weary as he spoke of his duties.

"What do you mean 'deal with her'? Does that mean-"

"Yes, but don't speak of it. Especially not to Buffy. She will want to shift her attentions to that. It will only distract her from her mission." Giles interrupted.

I scoffed. "I thought her mission was to defend people against monsters."

"**I** cannot disobey them in this." Giles spoke pointedly.

My eyes widened slightly. The Watcher was calling in my debt to him. I would need to find and protect this rogue Slayer. All the while who knows what was going on with that mysterious voice… and the Nerds of course… don't want to forget about them. "I see. Any leads before you go off to jolly ole England?"

"Nothing substantial," Giles sighed. "We're looking at a Slayer who has cloaked herself from Watchers since before she was called. There was nothing after you were called, and they don't even know about that. They think she has been cloaking since we detected your calling. I believe she has someone close to her that is providing the spell work to keep her hidden. It takes a tremendous will to keep someone hidden from the Coven. That kind of magic is not without it's price. Usually sacrificial in nature. Although, someone that is highly trained in tapping into the magic of the earth could also do it if they had enough magical power. Someone that powerful would be hard not to notice. I'm sure you see where I am going with this."

"Someone with big mojo has a pet Slayer… Whether unwillingly or willingly remains unknown. They would need access to a powerful source of magic. The hellmouth?"

"There are multiple hellmouths across the world… Sunnydale is the only one currently experiencing activity. If they were at another hellmouth… it would be responding to the magic." Giles explained.

"So, this rogue slayer and her magic man are in Sunnydale already?"

"Or they just arrived." Giles spoke ominously. "Convenient, I'm sure you'll agree."

"Great," I spoke grouchily, "Just great."

"There is something she won't be able to cloak… If you run into her, you should be able to recognize her as a Slayer. If you focus, you might be able to sense her in a room. That's why I came to you with this… instead of keeping the matter to myself." Giles hinted.

"I understand… be a good blood dog, get a treat, right?" I laughed sarcastically. "You know that goes both ways, right? She's gonna feel me coming if she's at all worth her salt."

Giles tensed his lips in a half smile, half grimace. "I was hoping you wouldn't bring up the fatal flaw in this plan so soon."

I chuckled softly, "You know me, Giles."

"Do you think?" I began to say, and then stopped to really think it through.

"Think what? Did you think of something?" Giles asked, sitting forward in his chair.

"Well… I was just wondering why they are cloaking themselves from the Council. That implies they knew about the Council ahead of time. How would they know that? Who would they hear about the council from?" I asked the leading questions. "It occurred to me that maybe it's not just a rogue Slayer we are looking for… but a rogue Watcher as well. Or if not rogue… someone within the Watcher's Council acting against them. Perhaps for a family member? A daughter, or a granddaughter, or a niece, or a sister?"

Giles leaned back in his chair, his brows furrowed in thought. "That is very much possible. Think of how I disobeyed the council when I was growing attached to Buffy Summers, and she's not even my blood relative. This is probably the daughter or granddaughter of a Watcher who had an active Slayer and saw how the Council often treats the Slayer as more tool than human being. That should narrow the search quite a bit. He's probably in retirement, or deceased recently, owing to her move to Sunnydale. I shall consult the records of past active Watchers."


	11. Chapter 10

**Not Another Self Insert**

**Chapter 10**

**Betrayal**

Andrew Wells came to in the bathroom with the sound of chains rattling. Fortunately, that was all the noise he could make since his mouth was duct taped. Giles put on some music and we jammed on some classic rock while waiting for Spike to get back.

"Okay, what'd I miss? Why is the littlest slayvamp hanging out with MY Watcher?" Buffy enquired upon entering the flat.

"Nowhere else to be, really." I answered. "Where's Spike?"

"He was right behind me-" Buffy spoke, not sounding terribly concerned.

"Just parking the car, pet." Spike interrupted, barging in to the flat.

"By all means, Spike, do come in." Giles sarcastically spoke from the couch.

I rolled my eyes, and caught Buffy doing the same. We shared a look and tried, and failed, not to laugh. "So," Buffy spoke at last, "You caught one of the pests?"

"Yep, the dim one by the looks of it." I pointed her to the bathroom. "He's tied up in there."

While Buffy interrogated Andrew herself, I busied myself with talk of something else. "Do you plan to keep this place until you return?"

Giles shrugged, "It's not an expense I'm glad to have should I need to stay longer in the home country."

I nodded in agreement. "What's your place like in England?"

A soft almost smile touched upon his face. "Comfortable. Many more books than I have here. It will be nice to return to... even if I have started thinking of Sunnydale as my home."

Spike chuckled, "You forgot to mention the weather, Rupes. It's like a vampires wet dream, literally. It's almost always raining or overcast. Kind of like the northwest coast of North America."

"Thank you, Spike. How could I have forgot?" Giles spoke sarcastically.

"Must be all this sun shining down on you day after day." Spike joked, "Gives a man in your age bracket a heat stroke."

"And what does it do to a man in _your_ age bracket? Would you like to find that out?" Giles warned.

Spike tutted, "No need to get your tweed knickers in a bunch, Watcher."

By the time Buffy got back they were arguing about which team had a better chance this year in the World Cup. Buffy and I left them to it, Spike soon rushing out to join us as soon as he realized we had left. He caught up to us in our first cemetery along the way back to Restfield/1630 Revello Drive.

"Wait! Loves, slow down a bit. Oh bloody hell women would you two just stop for a sec and let a bloke catch up!" Spike panted unnecessarily once he managed to catch up to us.

We laughed at his theatrics. "Okay, gramps. Keep up next time." I told him, much to his ire.

"I'll have you know, you two left before Rupes could tell you of the meeting at the Magic Box that he called. I guess about our little hostage situation." Spike informed Buffy and I.

"Yeah, must be about that," I spoke distractedly. 'That's probably when Giles will tell everyone about his plans to go back to England.' I thought.

I kept my silence, knowing Giles would want to tell them all at once. So, when the meeting was called, I was there with everyone else as I had to tell them about how I had found Andrew, and what I suspected of his groups agenda.

Spike was with me, dressed incredibly strangely to avoid the demon loan shark. He only got in trouble with them because he was trying to win enough money to make his sure his girls could live comfortably. Joyce had told them of her money troubles with all the medical bills stacking up from first herself and then Dawn. Plus, Buffy's tuition. And, of course, normal household bills and the repair costs.

Giles gave me the floor to speak, after he told everyone he was leaving for England, but as soon as I sat up on the counter to speak to everyone gathered, I lost consciousness.

I awoke some time later, leaning against a stranger in the most ridiculous outfit who was holding me like he knew me. I don't tense, even though logically I know I should. He wakes up beside me and almost falls off the counter as he tried to stretch out. His scared yell woke up everyone else in the room who hadn't yet woken up. Which was a terrified looking young girl who immediately asked, "Who- Who are you guys?"

My brow furrowed in thought. I didn't have a ready answer. Isn't that something I should know? As I had a small existential crisis a small blonde woman attempted to comfort the young girl. The younger of the two wasn't having it though. Soon, everyone was questioning who they were.

"It's not just you. Does anyone remember anything?" An older gentleman tried to bring some order to the developing panic of the room's occupants.

"Nope," Said the man I had woken up against. He hadn't stopped steadying me.

"Perhaps we all got terribly drunk and we're having some kind of black-out." The older man reasoned as the others joined him close to the table.

The young girl uncertainly said, "I don't think I d-drink."

"I don't see any booze; I don't feel any head bumps; and I don't see Alan Funt." The young woman beside the older man spoke bluntly.

A dark haired young man began to speak a little panicked, "Okay... I'm not panicking, I'm not, I'm not. Stop looking at me like I'm panicking."

The young blonde woman again attempted to soothe someone's nerves, "Hey, take it easy, guy. No one's hurt, right? And none of us looks all hatchet murder-y, so we're probably safe. Here. Wherever here is."

"Look at the things on these shelves: weird jars of weird stuff and weird books with weird covers like:," A red-headed college aged girl picked up a book as she spoke, "'Magic for beginners'. Oh."

A soft looking, also college aged woman looked mystified as she spoke, "A magic shop. A real magic shop."

"Curb your enthusiasm, this doesn't look like Diagon Alley to me." I spoke, realizing I had knew much of a general nature but nothing of a personal one.

The young blonde snatched upon that excitedly, "Maybe that's it. Maybe something magic happened to us."

"How do we even know if any of this is real?" I reasoned. "By that I mean, what makes you so sure this isn't an elaborate hoax?"

The older gent soon agreed with me, scoffing at the blonde. "Magic? Magic is all balderdash and chicanery. I'm afraid we don't know a bloody thing." He paused for a moment, "Except I seem to be British, don't I? And a man. With glasses. Well, that narrows it down considerably."

"I don't like this." The youngest amongst us whined.

As expected the short blonde girl soon went to her side to soothe her, "Listen, it's going to be okay. We'll take care of each other, okay?"

"Yes, we'll get back our memories and everything will be right as rain." The Englishman spoke cheerfully.

"Oh listen to Mary Poppins! Got his crust all stiff and upper with that nancy-boy accent. You Englishmen are always so -" He paused a moment, eyes widening as he rattled off, "Bloody hell." And then, "Sodding blimey shagging knickers bollocks - oh no." His gaze swept up from his fingers to the room at large, as he finished, "I'm English."

"Welcome to the nancy tribe." The older of the two englishmen snarked.

The one still beside me eyed the other up and down, a horrified expression coming to his face. "You don't suppose... you and I...

we're not related, are we?"

"You look nothing alike," I spoke, as the blunt woman spoke over me, "There is a ruggedly handsome resemblance."

"And you do inspire a particular feeling of familiarity... and

disappointment." He spoke unassuredly next, "Older brother?"

"Well, I'm thinking more like -" The englishman's… something spoke, but was interrupted by the other.

"Father!" He glared, "My god how I must hate you."

"What did I do?" The older one asked, sounding a bit hurt.

"Always somethin'. Probably never respected my life choices."

The older man looked at me holding the other one's hand. "Probably for good reason. You look much too young to have a daughter that age."

"You leave her out of this!" He yelled, then jabbed a finger at the blunt woman beside the older gent. "I saw you... sleeping together. And I suppose she's not too young for you to shag, but I can't have a daughter."

Why were they all just assuming these things? I did seem to trust the one I had woken up next to implicitly, but I didn't know what that meant anymore than they.

"It's okay, we're engaged." She waved a ring on her finger.

Tired of the unneeded spectacle, I spoke up, "This is all mindless conjecture. Let's look for identification. Search your pockets."

The older man raised an eyebrow at me, "Well, you certainly raised a precocious one, I'll give you that. But she has a point."

Everyone scrambled around looking for their identities hidden away in plain sight. I couldn't find anything like that in my clothing, and I didn't have a bag like some of the other girls. In the end, everyone had a name but me and the short blonde woman. My companion was named Randy, or that's what his strange suit was labelled as, much to his chagrin.

"'Randy' Giles?! Why didn't you just name me 'Horny Giles' or 'Desperate-for-a-shag Giles'? I knew there was a reason I hated you!" Randy cried out to Rupert, my so-called 'grand-dad'.

The blonde soon names herself Joan and comes to the conclusion that she and Dawn are sisters.

Dawn turned to me, "Hey, maybe we're friends at school?"

I smiled tentatively back at her since she seemed so happy about the possibility. "Maybe."

"Joan wouldn't let me name her," She pouted, I laughed, "Can I name you?"

"What am I a pet gerbil?" I teased.

"Please." She asked plaintively. I nodded in agreement so she wouldn't beg anymore. "It's probably an R name, 'cuz of the pattern... so I think you look like a Rosalie."

"Bet you I call her Rosie." Randy teased.

"Rose will be fine," I conceded. It didn't feel right, but nothing about any of this did.

"We've got to figure out what's going on. We need to get help." Joan spoke commandingly.

"Looks like 'Joan' fancies herself the boss." Randy spoke, but was ignored.

"We've got two kids here -"

"Two teenagers." Dawn quickly corrected.

"Two teenagers, and we have no idea what's wrong with us. I think a hospital's our best bet." Joan explained.

"Alright then, let's head out." Rupert agreed, and we all headed for the door.

"Any suggestions on how we get there?" Joan brought up a major glitch in the plan.

"Dad can drive. He's bound to have some classic mid-life crisis transport: something red, sporty, shaped like a penis." Randy taunted. I rolled my eyes automatically.

We open the door to two snarling monsters with jagged fangs that growled something indistinct in the direction of Joan.

We closed the door quickly, all panicking and screaming.

Once we stopped screaming we turned to Joan, who was just as frightened, "Did you see what I-" She managed to get out.

"Vampires," Randy spoke in a slight hush.

"Maybe it's Halloween." The soft girl, who was named Tara, spoke up.

Dawn shook her head, "Doesn't feel like Halloween."

"Even if it is, those were definitely not kids and they were definitely not wearing costumes. Randy's right. We got vampires!" Alexander spoke looking as alarmed as I felt. The vampires banged on the door, and rattled the doorknob. "And I don't think they're knockin' for candy."

"Doors! We should check for other doors, make sure they're locked and then put big heavy things in front of them! Come on!" Willow directed, grabbing Alexander and taking off with him to the back of the shop.

"Monsters are real... Did we know this?" Joan asked.

"Magic Shop. I think we did." I supplied. "Not that it does us much good now."

"We n-need our memories back! We have to get to the hospital!" Tara spoke, sounding like she was one jump scare from leaving the theater.

"Speaking as the proprietor of a Magic Shop, I propose we fight back. We can use things here in the shop, magic... tricks or whatever they call-"

The window sounded like it was hit by a body slamming against it as the doorknob continued to rattle. "No time for that. We don't know anything about this stuff. Now is definitely not the time to learn." I reasoned.

"Send out Spike!" One of the vampires yelled.

Granddaddy Rupert blinked as he said, "They seem to want spikes."

"Oh, I saw some…" Randy spoke, helpfully depositing a bunch onto the floor that were under a desk in a bag. "Here. Let's give 'em these."

"Those are stakes." I spoke rationally, "You know, for camping. Besides… they said spike… which is singular."

"Slayer! Come out and play!"

I picked up a stake. "They want a slayer, well I've got the weapons."

"You can't go out there!" Randy sounded distressed.

Something in my blood had started to sing as soon as I picked up the wooden stake. "They know something, about us. I can feel it."

Joan tried to take away the stake, I yanked it back. "He's right! You're only a kid. What do you think is going to happen when you go out there? What do you think they are?!"

"They're bloodsuckers, that kill by sucking blood. They're going to suck her dry." Anya commented, "Take it easy, Joan."

"You guys!" Willow spoke, coming back from securing the exits with Alexander, who said next, "There's a trapdoor in the basement,

seems to lead to the sewer."

"Let's go." Anya spoke, but before we could get far a vampire busted through the window and circled around us, blocking our exit. I held the stake tightly in my grasp. I had felt ready before to take them on, but seeing the disfigured face up close and personal as it backed us up into a corner made me doubt my earlier resolve.

"Now I'm not sure what I am, so bear with me here, okay? Um, Now I lay me down to sleep... Shema Israel...uh, Ohm, Ohm." Alexander says from on his knees.

The vampires ignore him, one was going around breaking things, and the other pushed Randy up against a wall and was threatening him. "You owe us!"

"Fine! Take the damn spikes!" Randy said, as he emptied his pockets of stakes and threw them at the vampire's feet, who answered, "Don't be stupid."

"Let go 'a me, you big, nasty-" Joan yelled out as the vampire who was formerly breaking things grabbed her from behind. He soon put a hand over her mouth.

"I said, you owe us!" Spoke the vampire harassing Randy.

"Who, me?"

"You got the boss' kittens!"

"Kittens?"

The vampire pulled back his fist to hit Randy with, at the same time Joan bit down hard on the soft part of the other's hand.

"Bitch!" He shouted, then she kicked in the groin. "Argh!"

Joan hit the ground, rolled forward, and grabbed a stake. "Stay away from Randy!"

She staked him, and he went poof. Everyone was pretty shocked.

"The boss ain't going to like this. I'll be back and I won't be alone." The other vampire spoke as he tucked tail and ran.

Randy went to the front of the shop and and pulled a metal security gate across the entrance. Whilst Joan felt her bicep, in awe of her own strength. "I think I know why Joan's the boss. I'm like a superhero or something."

Later on, when more vampires showed up outside the store. Along with a shark headed demon, who must've been their boss.

"They seem to want Randy. And I seem to be pretty strong. Wicked strong. So, while you all go through the sewer and find the hospital, Randy and I'll take the monsters for a run."

"I'll go with you two. I'm not going to arm wrestle you to prove I can take them. But you notice how I still have this stake you couldn't get from me?" I spoke calmly. "If they are after Randy, I'm going to have to be there to stop them."

"I'm not leaving the shop. I need to protect the cash register and... do

spells." Anya said, almost sounding sure of herself.

"Perhaps magic can help us. It's worth a shot." Rupert agreed.

"Alright. You two work on that then. We gotta go. Ready Randy?"

Randy nodded, fully aware of the danger of the plan. "Ready Joan."

"Son? Grand-daughter? Come here please." Rupert called to us before we got out the door. Randy, Rupert, and I have an incredibly awkward hug before the battle. I couldn't wait to escape out of the door and into the pack of vampires outside that awaited us.

We ran through the door, catching them off guard, but not for long as they were quick to give chase. One of them grabs Randy, he punched the vampire so hard he flew, and then he turned to Joan and I smiling but something about his face was different. "Hey! I'm a superhero, too?" He said, but he had the bumpies, like those other vamps. Joan screamed and ran from him. I was too shocked to move.

He looked to me and then Joan, and called out, "Joan! Where ya goin'?"

He fought off the other four, as I stood there. Then he ran after her, calling, "Hey Joan, wait up!" Once he left I staked the vampires that were lying stunned on the ground. I stood up in time to see the shark demon stop moving towards me.

"Never mind. Tell Spike he can consider himself debt free." The shark guy ran, and I felt my own face. I wasn't bumpy, but I felt wrong… I had wanted to bite those vampires back.

I turned and saw Randy with Joan on top of him with the stake pointed at his chest. I felt dread for the first time that night.

I ran to them but stopped when she threw away the stake. I could hear them now. "So, why don't I want to stake you?" Joan asked.

Randy held her free hands. "You must love me. Your love must be the thing that led me to choose the side of good. To protect you, and be protected by you."

For a moment, Joan looked moved.

"What about your daughter? She can't be yours, can she?" Joan shivered, it wasn't cold.

"Ours. A hybrid. She's as beautiful as you. Just as deadly to the undead." Randy tried to explain it.

"Oh my God, a vampire hybrid? How lame is that?"

Joan slowly got up off of him, and then helped him on his feet. I hid behind a tree.

"I'm a hero, really. I mean, to be cast such an ugly lot but then to

rise above it, to seek better, nobler things. It's inspiring, in'it?" Randy spoke as Joan kept a neutral expression. "And the two of us! Natural enemies thrown together to stand against the forces of darkness! Utter trust! No thought of me biting you. No thought of you staking me…"

"Kinda depends on how long you keep on yakking- " Joan teased, but then she stopped when I broke a twig. "What's that?"

"It's me!" I answered, coming out of the treeline. "I finished off the vampires and came looking for you two."

Randy gathered me into a hug. "What'd I say Joan? She's a vampire killing machine. Had to be from a union between a vampire and a Slayer."

"You think she's my mom?" I asked.

"Yeah, why not?" He answered.

"Because I look nothing like the two of you. Dawn does though." I pointed to my dark brown hair and eyes. "By the by. The Loan Shark says 'Spike' doesn't have to pay him back. I'm guessing he means you, Randy."

"What? Who does that sorry no good fish think I am? Some welsher? I'll pay 'im. Kittens, was it? I guess I have to - "

"You can't give him what he wants." Joan cried out, grabbing Randy's arm. "Who knows what he'll do with those kittens."

Randy nodded, "I'm sorry, Joan. 'M not sure how I got into this mess… but I'm sorry for dragging you and everyone else into it."

"I know you are," Joan whispered. "It's fine… but you can't give him those kittens. Not now that you are mine."

And she kissed him. They definitely had sparks. As I was watching them, I became aware that my memories were back. They broke off the kiss. "Spike," Buffy whispered.

Spike kissed her again, this time as themselves. I blushed, they had forgotten I was even there. "And I'm yours, Buffy. God, am I ever yours."

"That was Joan-" Buffy began to protest, weakly, before even she stopped because she knew it was futile to deny how she felt. "Why are you still gambling kittens?"

Spike shrugged. "I'm not sure how else to provide for my girls. I've been dead a long time. I don't remember how people normally make money. And it's not like I can have a day job."

Buffy reached for his hand. "You've done enough. You don't have to do anything like that. We will find some way… I almost have an associate's degree… I'm sure I can find something to help out Mom with paying our debts. As long as those nerds aren't bugging me. I don't need or want kitten blood money."

"'M sorry, pet." Spike apologized, caressing Buffy gently along the arm. "Still getting used to this whole white hat thing… even with the soul."

"You'll get there." Buffy smiled tearfully, "I believe in you."

Spike laughed, self deprecatingly, and said, "That's makes one of us."

We parted ways with Buffy in Restfield, she needed to get home to Dawn and Joyce. There was no telling if Dawn was back yet. The rest of the Scoobies probably made sure she got home safely, but you could never be completely sure. Particularly where Dawn was concerned. She had a way with getting herself into trouble.

Over the next few days, we saw Giles off at the airport. He actually took a later flight so Spike and I could see him off. Then we took some time off from living in the cemetery, as we had to watch Andrew while Giles was in England. And wasn't he a joy to live with. Plus side was he liked good television.

Buffy stopped by a few times during the week. Spike was helping her with her Poetry and History homework for the classes she was taking. Andrew and I mostly tried to ignore them.

"So, Spike sired you? What's that like?" he asked with wide eyes. The boy had a bit of a crush on my sire.

I shrugged. "The act itself or just in general?"

"Both. Either." Andrew answered.

I frowned in thought. "It hurt a bit, at first. When I died, I felt really cold as I slipped under. It went dark, and then nothing for awhile… I tried to hold on to myself for as long as I could. I heard a constant hum after the long nothing… and then I felt fingers in my hair. Drucilla, of course. I licked my lips, as they were dry. Then I tasted him, his blood was still on my lips. And I was so thirsty."

I looked over at Andrew, his eyes were rapt in attention. "What happened next?"

"Everything… That's when I knew I wasn't like them. But I still loved them like family. Moreso Spike than Dru… But Spike loved her intensely so I loved her a little bit too. She was damaged… but she wasn't broken. That's what so many fail to see about her. They think Angelus broke her… she was only tempered by the pain. I respected her for the way she kept so much of herself together. Angelus wasn't able to make her like himself. All he managed to do was bind her love to him."

Andrew scooted closer, adjusting the bindings slightly on his wrists and ankles. "Why weren't you like them?"

I laughed quietly. "That's the million dollar question, isn't it? I don't really know. I can only make wild guesses."

"Did you ever kill anyone?" He asked.

I smiled sadly. "I didn't need to… Spike would do it for me. But I killed a lot of people by letting him try to feed me. I wanted to be like them… so it wouldn't have to hurt anymore."

"I wouldn't blame you… You just had your whole life changed. It was smart of you to hold on to someone who gave you stability." Andrew tried to make me feel better. "Like I have Warren."

"Difference is Spike cares about me… Where's Warren now? Shouldn't he be trying to get you back?" I harshly enquired.

Andrew shrugged, leaning back into Giles' sofa. "He'll be here… as soon as he figures out where here is…"

The phone rang, and Spike picked it up.

"Watcher, 'lo!" Spike greeted. "Yeah, she's here." He frowned. "Of course, I haven't. Bugger's not my type." He shouted a bit next. "I resent that!"

He handed the phone to me, and not Buffy like I had expected he would. "Hey, how's the land of fish and chips?"

Giles chuckled slightly over the line, "Just fine. Listen for a moment. They sent someone… I tried to talk them out of it but you know the Council."

"Someone human?" I asked.

"For the most part," He answered. "The Council knows a few things… ritually speaking. This person should have the ability to sense a Slayer… be careful, Cross."

"That doesn't mean he'll be able to sense me though, right? I mean… I'm not exactly Slayer of the Year over here." I asked, somewhat worried.

"Maybe not. But I'm not so sure he won't be able to… considering your unique diet. In fact, you may be even a stronger signal for Slayer since you..."

"Since I'm dead and mostly demon to begin with?" I asked.

"Yes, that." Giles spoke, slightly cross sounding. There was a tense moment where nobody spoke. Everyone in the room was looking at me, as I waited to see if Giles had anything else to say. "They've requested for me to stay here."

I involuntarily growl, before I stop my anger from clouding my judgment. "You mean they are forcing you to stay in the country so you don't do anything to jeopardize their mission?"

"Cross, when he gets there… you'll need to stay out of the way. You should take Spike and go. I contacted Wesley… I'm not sure if you remember him… But he is willing to have you join Angel Investigations until all this blows over."

I gritted my teeth slightly, and noticed I had my game face on when I cut my own tongue. "You expect me to run away?"

"I was hoping your self preservation instinct would be enough to keep you out of harms way." Giles returned, his tone soft. "But I wasn't expecting it."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked, but I didn't receive an answer. The line went dead.

I handed the phone back to Spike, who put it on the receiver. "It'll only be a few days, Cross… then we can come back."

"Bullshit. There's no way in hell I'm leaving." I spoke lowly, not yelling. "We have to stay here. Too much depends on it."

Spike smiled sadly, and spoke, "I'm not giving you a choice." Then it all went black.


	12. Chapter 11

**Not Another Self Insert**

**Chapter 11**

**Visions**

* * *

_Say I'm okay_

_I'm bleeding fire_

_Eating nightmares_

_So tell me how to do it slow_

_I'm a maze_

_Can we say goodnight now?_

**Nightlife by Phantogram**

* * *

By the time I regained consciousness we were pulling into the parking lot of the Hyperion Hotel. Spike hauled me out of the car, it was daylight so I had no choice but to go inside the hotel. Cordelia was at the front desk, making a call or getting a call. Point was, she was talking on the phone to someone. Angel was there to greet us at the door. He seemed kind of perky, for him. A green skinned, red eyed demon was lounging on one of those circular couches that old places sometimes had. A thin, geeky looking girl was tearing apart some contraption on cardboard on the floor as a cocky man in a sweatshirt and low jeans was making suggestions on how to increase its firepower. And the man Giles had spoken of over the phone was holding out his hand for me to take.

I ignored it, his face fell somewhat. "Well, Mr. Giles has told me a lot about you, Cross. Particularly your ability in taking down vampires and demons."

"I can take down stuffy Englishmen too. Want a demonstration?" I snarked, and Spike chuckled. He was the only one who did. Angel was looking at me seriously.

"This isn't Wesley's fault." Angel spoke, trying to assume a leadership role over me. "Or anyone else's… they are just looking out for you."

"Newsflash, wannabe hero: I can take care of myself!" I tested the restraints I was still in. He had tied me up good and proper. "If I'm not being blindsided from people I thought I could trust."

I went into game face and bit through the rope on my hands, and quickly rolled out of the way of Spike so that I could take off the ankle restraints with a sharp tug. The twisted metal and frayed rope fell to the floor. I tackled Angel to the ground with a loud growl, as he tried to make a run at me. "Don't test me, Angel."

I bit him, it was mostly a show of dominance, to let him know I didn't care about his greater age. The humans gasped, they had probably never seen anyone put Angel down on the ground so effectively.

His blood was still weak, but less so than it had been before. I jumped up off of him and away from his attempts to swipe at me. "I'm not here to be your underling, Angel. And I am damn sure not going to be your hostage… So try to treat me as an equal. Not as someone not deserving of autonomy. That goes for you too, Spike."

I looked at him briefly, he looked a bit ashamed that he had given me no choice in coming here. "Sorry, pet. Had to keep you safe. If the Council found out about you… they'd never rest until you were dust. Sorry about Darla, by the way."

Angel shrugged. "She was dead before I ever met her."

"Not completely." I spoke.

Angel nodded in agreement. "Yeah, not completely… but she's not like us. She never would be. Can you see Darla going so far to find someone who can give her back her soul? She'd die before she went anywhere without a view."

"Someone could have cursed her… like you." I implied he was nothing like Spike or me. "So, what's going on around here?"

"A vampire hunter from my past came back to the future to kill me, and make me suffer. You know, because when I was Angelus I massacred his entire family." Angel spoke glibly. "But some demon calling himself Sahjhan stopped him… apparently a prophecy was reversed and he didn't need, Holtz, the vampire hunter anymore."

"I call that a victory!" The green skinned demon spoke, "Oh, my manners are just atrocious. I'm Lorne. I run a demon bar, one that specializes in providing a little assistance, metaphysically speaking, and is also a safe haven... or was until Holtz burned it down the other night."

"Peaches gonna pay for the damages?" Spike asked, indicating Angel with a slight nod in his direction.

Lorne laughed. "Angelcakes can pay me back with a place to stay for awhile."

"So, what was this prophecy?" I asked.

Everyone shrugged. Angel answered, "He never said. Only said that he was grateful to some 'vampire who took care of my little problem'. In his words."

"So the vampire hunter has gone back to his own time, and everything is sunshine and blood." Spike summed up. "Peachy. Now, which rooms are you setting us up in?"

Angel brought us up to the top floor, which he had renovated into an apartment loft. He gave us the key and left to let us get settled in. The Hyperion had internet access, at least. Which I knew would be needed in the days to come. Shame I didn't have a computer to access it with. But that could be fixed fairly quickly once the sun went down.

We didn't have much time to get settled in before some crisis came down upon the AI team, and by extension us. It was Cordelia's birthday… and everyone had planned a little surprise party for her to show how much she was appreciated.

"Oh you guys. I can't believe you did this." Cordy spoke happily, grinning from ear to ear.

Gunn gestured to the cake they had set up in the lobby, "Don't just stand there. Blow out the candles, girl."

Cordy bent down and blew out all the candles in one gust while everyone cheered. I clapped a little too, even though I didn't really know her that well. I mean, you don't go to someone's birthday party and not cheer for them. I guess you could, but you'd pretty much be labelled an ass.

"Did you make a wish?" Fred asked, eyes wide. It must be strange being back amongst the land of birthday parties and running water.

Cordy replied, "I sure did. Ah, Jude Law was a little busy, huh?"

I chuckled, she could be funny sometimes.

"Oh, how disappointing for you. Well, I guess you won't be wanting the presents we..." Wes spoke, barely hiding his amusement.

"Oh, wanting. Wanting presents." Cordy answered quickly, miming for the presents.

"Uhm - ah, I - I got you a - a little something." Angel shifted awkwardly then pulled a small box out of his pocket.

"Oh, Angel, you didn't have to do that…" Cordy spoke, sounding secretly very touched by the gesture.

"Well, I'm a champion," He chuckled self consciously, "We do important stuff. Hey, and who's more important then..."

"You have to forgive the wrapping. Some of us seem to have fostered a strange addiction to Scotch tape." Wes spoke, as he, Fred, and Gunn came back with their own much larger boxes, interrupting the charged moment between Angel and Cordy.

She sat down on the circular couch to best receive her presents when suddenly, the box containing Angel's present slipped from her fingers. I caught it, just in case it was something fragile.

"Is she okay?" I asked as I had never seen her in such a state before.

Angel nodded, moving to stand beside her. "It's the visions. Any moment now she'll tell us what she sees."

"There's a teenager, a girl, she... she..." But Cordelia never finished what she was going to say as she was thrown farther into the seat and promptly lost consciousness.

"Is she alright?" Fred asked, mirroring my earlier statement.

Angel checked her pulse immediately. "It's weak. But its there, and shes still breathing."

"I'm guessing this doesn't normally happen." I spoke calmly.

"No, it doesn't," Angel frowned, making his brow look even brow-ier. "She's probably just in some sort of trance or a coma."

"It was a vision, wasn't it? I mean, she just started saying something about a girl..." Angel spoke, sounding worried.

"A teenager." I clarified.

"Yeah. Thanks." Angel mumbled, still focused on Cordy.

"What's all the hubbub, bub?" Spoke Lorne, who was coming cheerily down the stairs, not having seen Cordy laid up on the couch yet.

He walked closer, looking much more concerned the closer he got to her prone form. "Jumping Judas on a unicycle. What happened?"

"All we know is that she had a vision." Angel explained, eyes still on Cordy.

"There is a lot we don't know. I think she dropped this." Fred spoke, holding out a bottle of pills for Angel to take. "Seltrex."

"Oh god." Wes muttered.

Angel asked, looking majorly confused, "What's Seltrex?"

"Seltrex is a highly powerful migraine medication." Spoke Wes. Leave it to a Watcher to know every bit of trivia imaginable.

"Maybe we should get her to a hospital." Gunn reasoned.

"So they can do what? Do what they did last time, strap her to a bed and tell us there's no hope?" Angel worriedly spoke, a hint of anger in his voice.

"Angel is right. Seltrex is potent but - it doesn't cause the catatonia." Wes again.

Lorne meanwhile spoke after walking a bit around the room, "I'm picking up some hardcore woo-woo vibes in the room. This ain't medical, kids. It's mystical."

"That's what I'm saying. There is so much we don't know. If Cordelia is taking a drug this powerful in secret, the visions are probably doing a lot more damage than she lets on." Fred said, obviously distressed.

"This last one must have overloaded her." Gunn spoke bluntly, causing Angel to stand up and face him.

"Don't say last! Okay? She'll come out of this. She has to." Angel spoke, collecting his thoughts. "Okay. Look, if this is a mystical problem there has to be some kind of mystical solution."

"Gunn, you and Fred go to Cordy's place." Angel commanded, sending out his human minions.

He picked up Cordy, perhaps to move her somewhere more comfortable. "See if she's been hiding anything. Anything that could tell us what's wrong with her. Wes?"

Wesley nodded and headed for the office. "I'll hit the books."

"What can I do?" Lorne asked.

"You are coming with me. If anyone can reach Cordy, it's you." Angel spoke calmly, heading up the stairs. The elevator was out of commision from whatever happened a few days before we go there.

Everyone dispersed quickly after that, except Spike and I. I looked over at him, as he looked at me. "Are you pondering what I'm pondering, Pinky?" I asked sardonically.

"I think so, Brain. But would the villains _really_ have gotten away with it, if it weren't for those pesky kids and their dog?"

"Fair point," I spoke, "But that wasn't it. I'm thinking that something knocked her out of her body. Did you notice how she seemed like she was pushed backwards by some force?"

Spike narrowed his eyes. "Yeah, pet. I did."

"This is connected with that failed prophecy somehow… I don't believe in coincidences. This Sahjhan character needed Holtz to take out Angel for some reason… but not because of Angel himself or he would still be at it. It must be something Angel would have been indirectly responsible for… Something that a "vampire had taken care of for him". The other weird thing was Darla coming back to life very briefly... might it have had something to do with her as well? Those Wolfram &amp; Hart people brought her back for a reason after all… I feel we are missing an essential part of this story." I pondered aloud, while Spike just lounged carelessly on the spot Cordy had previously occupied.

"Sounds like you will have to ask mini Giles about any prophecies concerning Sahjhan." Spike casually stretched out his legs. "That's more of Dalton's kind of work than yours or mine. And honestly, I don't know if I care much what's going on over here at Casa Angelus as long as it keeps you out of reach of those Watcher blokes."

"I don't like the idea of leaving Buffy &amp; Co. to deal with that on their own. I don't know if you noticed but they aren't the well oiled unit they used to be." I crossed my arms defiantly. "We will go back once they have taken care of their rogue slayer problem, won't we? I sense more is going on than meets the eye."

"Of course we will. As soon as they capture or kill that other Slayer, you are in the clear." He patted his lap, and I sat down semi reluctantly, still pissed about his taking matters into his own hands. As soon as I sat down he curled his arms around me protectively and my resolve melted. He really was only trying to protect me… it's not like I would have gone willingly. It was a point of fact that no matter how much Spike could piss me off sometimes… I couldn't stay angry with him for very long. The sire bond was quite strong in my case. Maybe as much or more so than it was between Spike and Dru.

Not much later I went into Wesley's office to talk with him about my suspicions. He found them fascinating but didn't think they were pertinent to the current crisis. "I don't think Sahjhan would have any reason or way to do this to Cordelia."

I snorted. "Of course he doesn't… but he's a bit player. The prophecy he talked about was probably one that would result in his death… something someone like Sahjhan would fear more than anything. But… he was only the tip of the iceberg. Some other players were moving pieces on the chessboard to resurrect Darla… who you just informed me was briefly human and formed a strange attachment to Angel while she was briefly mortal. Now… if it was Angel who was supposed to kill Sahjan… then why would Sahjan want to kill Angel and only backed off when it turned out that Darla had died? Surely you aren't so dense not to put two and two together Wesley."

He flustered angrily. "What are you suggesting?"

"Angel and Darla had sex and conceived a freak of nature… which I accidently killed when I staked Darla… Thus breaking a chain of events in which Angel would have raised a child born of two vampires up to kill some dimensional demon named Sahjan… When I was in Sunnydale a power… I'm not sure if it was good or ill… came to me and taunted me about how I had changed something in someone's plans… But they strongly implied they had a back up… I think Cordy's situation is that backup… Something big is going on here."

Wesley became frustrated. "I know something big is going on… but how are we supposed to help Cordy in the mean time?"

"Call in a favor with someone who directly benefits from the course of events. Sahjhan himself." I smiled, pleased with myself. I turned slightly to see a new presence had appeared in the room, much to Wesley's shock.

"Ah, just the vampire I wanted to thank." Sahjhan spoke casually. "You are a strange one… I still don't know why you were able to fly under the Powers radar for so long… A powerful friend no doubt to keep you hidden from both the Circle and the Powers. What can I do for you?"

"Do you know anything about what is happening to Cordelia Chase, and can you do anything to prevent it?" I asked.

"Oh, she's dying, of course. Little mortal body like that won't be able to handle the visions… I believe she is being offered a choice by a demon named Skip. It's a false choice however… because it only allows her to choose to become part demon to handle the visions and help Angelus. I wouldn't trust Skip if I were you guys… he may be an emissary of the Powers but he has only one master… and she is quite the doozy." Sahjhan laughed. "She was the ruler of an entire dimension… I'm not sure she has accepted her lesser role as a Power."

"What can we do?" Wesley asked.

"I'd force the visions out of her and into a different body… one that can handle it better. You do have a part demon on the team, do you not?" Sahjhan spoke, and as Wesley and I looked at each other with shared understanding, Sahjhan disappeared.

"It was pure luck that the visions transferred from Doyle to Cordy… I don't see how we will get them out of her."

I closed my eyes in thought. "Hmm… She has to die briefly… the visions will then go to the closest person to her. We will need to induce cardiac arrest and then resuscitate her. Angel… shouldn't be the one to get them. It should be someone completely good, and strong enough to handle them."

"Lorne." Wesley agreed.

By the time we rushed upstairs it was too late. Cordy was awake, and she was floating mid air. Wesley and I nodded in understanding, we would have to keep an eye on her now… and note any and all changes.

The next few days were spent putting up and taking down flyers for Angel Investigations at night while we patrolled the street on our own. And then came an influx of clients that had even Spike and I helping out… mostly because Angel threatened to stake us if we just sat around heckling. Plus, I felt really sorry for the other people having to deal with the insanity.

"Why are you trying to expand so much so soon anyway, Angel?" I asked in a lull of activity.

Angel looked quickly over at Cordy answering the phone, before looking back at me. "It's important to get to the people in need before it becomes something she'll have to deal with. She almost died… Even if she says she can handle the visions now… I still worry."

My grin spread slowly over my face and settled into a smirk. Angel narrowed his eyes at my expression. I laughed as he began to look uncomfortable. "The big bad Angelus has a crush." I sing songed.

"I'm not him." Angel brooded.

I rolled my eyes. "No kidding. He had a sense of humor."

"I do jokes… I can joke." He spoke lamely.

My eyebrow rose automatically. "Uh huh."

"Spike, take your childe and do something useful-" Angel began to say before he noticed Spike had reeled back and punched a Nahdrah in the face. "Spike!"

"Not now Peaches. These bastards want to scoop out the brain of your cute brainy wallflower and serve it up to their Prince." Spike yelled as he kept wailing on the Nahdrahs as they attempted to subdue him. He was a flurry of movement and they couldn't contain him.

"Lorne?" Angel asked.

Lorne pinched the bridge of his nose. "Sorry Angelcakes… my Nahdrah is a little rusty. But now that Spike mentioned it…"

"Cross!" Spike yelled. "Gonna give me a hand here?"

I sighed, before rolling into battle. I sliced them at the ankles with the daggers I pulled from my boots as I had rolled into the middle of them. I got two of them to drop to the ground. "Angel, get me a bigger blade!"

He threw me a sword and I used it to behead one more as I caught it and spun in an arc.

"Lorne, tell them to back off with their lives intact. We aren't taking their deal." Angel spoke authoritatively.

Lorne and the Nahdrahs furiously clicked at each other for a few minutes. As Spike, Angel, and I stood between them and Fred. As they left, still clicking but now with each other, Spike crowed, "Yeah! And don't come back unless you want another round of arse-kicking."

I snorted, wiping the sword off on a discarded bit of robe. "This is getting ridiculous. People are just going to use you as muscle." I gave Angel a look. "Although, I doubt that's a new experience for you."

Angel's eyes flashed yellow as he held back his demon. My teeth came down in response, Spike put a hand on my shoulder as he came to stand in front of me. "I think this has been great but we've outworn our welcome… Am I warm?"

Angel huffed. "You don't have to go." He spoke reluctantly.

"Too many souled vampires for one incredibly large hotel." I snarked.

Fred came up to hug Spike suddenly. "Thanks."

Spike looked down at the small human with a bemused expression. "Uh, no problem, pet."

Fred backed up, blushing cutely.

"Yes, thank you, Spike." Wesley spoke from behind her… but he didn't sound like he wanted to thank Spike at all. Watcher types, even those like Wesley and Giles who were "rebels", never would fully believe a vampire could be a champion.

"Any news of Sunnydale?" I asked while walking with Wes into his well appointed office. "It's killing me not being there."

He laughed shortly. "I doubt it," He spoke peevishly, "But, to answer your question, I have some news for you. Mr. Giles just called… He met the council's assassin last night."

"And?" I spoke, when Wesley stopped talking for a few minutes. He was just messing with his papers absent mindedly.

"They sent a human, thankfully… But he's ruthless. I've read his file. He does work a Slayer wouldn't dream of doing. Stuff the Council doesn't like to gab about, you can imagine. He has no family or friends. He's devoted wholly to doing the job and getting paid for it… The only leverage I can think we might be able to use is money. But, the council has much more money to offer than we could ever dream of earning." Wesley sighed. "He probably will track the rogue Slayer down and get rid of her quietly."

I sat down in one of the squashy leather chairs. "So, we just let him collect his pint of blood and leave? I don't accept that."

"He's a professional killer. He works solo, unlike other people in the council's employ. But he has a success rate on par with any of the Slayers… actually, he's a little better. He's already in his mid twenties. No Slayer has ever lasted that long. He is practiced in many fighting disciplines, and I've heard his fighting style is much more adaptable than most… Worst yet is that they bestowed on him some extra power for his fight against the rogue Slayer."

"Why are they doing this, Wesley? What wrong with just not wanting to be under Council control?" I asked.

"You don't know? Giles never told you?" Wesley looked shocked. "The council isn't there to just control Slayers… it is there to protect innocents should a Slayer do the unthinkable… use her power not to kill vampires and demons, but humans. For some Slayers aren't made equal… for some they are too primitive and brutal… Like the First Slayer. She killed the men who had made her powerful."

I frowned. "And that's why the Council seeks to control the Slayers? Because they are afraid the Slayer will use her power against them?"

Wesley nodded.

"I can stop him from hurting her. You have to let me go back. I can get her to reveal herself to me, tell her to leave before he kills her." I pleaded.

Wesley shook his head no. It hurt me a little bit that I had to do something to break his reluctant trust of me.

"That's too bad… I'm leaving with or without your permission." And I knocked him out on his own desk, swiped the keys to his car, and left the Hyperion without anyone the wiser.

It took me a moment to get a handle on driving, but once I was roaring down the highway it was much easier. I laughed crazily over the sound of the NPR.

A few hours later I ran headlong into the Welcome to Sunnydale sign, mucking up the front of Wesley's car.

I stepped out to inspect the damage. "Oops."

I set off down the street on foot, all senses on the alert for anything out of place. In about a half hour of walking along the dimly lit sidewalks in the rough part of town I heard a guy mumbling about how he was going to kill the Slayer as he exited a gun shop.

"You've gotta be kidding me." I spoke under my breath. "That guy can't be the assassin. No way." But as I got closer it was clear to me that he was definitely raring to kill himself a Slayer… only that Slayer was Buffy.

I bumped into him on "accident".

He waved the pistol at me threateningly. "Watch where you're-"

He stopped speaking when he got a good look at me. "I'm sorry," I spoke demurely.

He put the gun away quickly. "No, I shouldn't have pointed a gun at you. Like you were a dangerous criminal."

Tears welled in my eyes. "It's alright. I must have spooked you."

He blushed, but looked a bit embarrassed more than anything. "You don't look like you live around here. Can I help you get home? It is late for a girl your age to be walking alone."

I bit my lip in thought. "I- I guess it's alright. You don't look like a bad guy."

The young man walked beside me as I led the way to my "home". All was quiet, but I could see he was looking at me quite frequently. "You seem familiar some how…"

I smiled widely, "Really? I guess I just have one of those faces."

With Willow and Tara gone with Giles to England, and Spike in LA with Angel, there was only Buffy to protect the Hellmouth. No one else had the power. And if this loser shot her down… who knows what that would do to Dawn. She'd probably go darkside on us all.

"Actually… can I not go home tonight? I ran away." I spoke semi-truthfully. The guy who I just knew had to be Warren looked at me in confusion. "I'm too scared to go back."

He shrugged. "I live not too far from here. I have a spare room."

I looked at him gratefully as my stomach rolled with contempt. "Thank you."

It went quiet as he now led me a few blocks down to his apartment. He unlocked the door and I asked, "Are you sure this is okay?"

"Sure," He spoke distractedly as he flipped on the light. "Come on in."

It was a small but very well furnished in a particular theme. He was definitely the robot builder of the three nerds. I stepped forward to examine a strange device on the coffee table. "Is that a diamond?"

"Try not to touch anything." Warren spoke distractedly as he went further into the apartment.

Should I just kill him now? I could only follow him with an uncertain feeling coming over me. He showed me into the spare room, it looked like it hadn't been decorated yet and was mostly a storage room for parts and incomplete machinery. There was a small bed tucked against the wall with plain white bedding. "Thank you." I spoke, sitting down quietly on the bed.

He looked at me curiously. "Why did you run away from home?"

I turned my head away from him, as if I was recalling some painful memory. "I- I had to… I couldn't stay any longer. I love my parents, but that doesn't mean they weren't capable of hurting me."

"What happened?" He asked, while examining me with his eyes.

I pulled up into myself. "I- I still can't really talk about it. I'm sorry."

He nodded. "I get it. If you need anything you can knock on my door. It's the one across the hall."

I laid down and pretended to sleep, until I heard his breath evening out into the rhythm of someone asleep. I hadn't ever killed a human before… so I was having trouble with the idea of doing so now. Was it right to kill him if I knew for sure he would try to kill Buffy? I should kill him for all he has done and is capable of doing.

In the end I slipped out before dawn and went to Buffy's house to warn her. Joyce let me in after a moment of me starting to sizzle. She still looked as young as ever.

"Buffy! Cross is here to see you." Joyce yelled up the stairs.

I took a seat in their living room as Buffy rushed down after getting dressed. Dawn hadn't bothered, she came down in her pajamas and ate cereal while watching TV.

"What's the what?" Buffy asked, dressed casually for her classes later in the day. She only had a year before she got her bachelor's of Arts in English Literature with a specialization in Poetry. She might even go on to Master in it.

"Warren bought a gun last night… and I don't think he's going to use it for target practice. I followed him to his apartment… He still has the invisibility ray. Which sounds ridiculous out loud but we need to be on guard… He wants to shoot you Buffy." I spoke worriedly.

Buffy sat down tiredly, she slouched slightly in the couch. "So, no good news. That figures."

"I wanted to take care of it for you-" I began to say before she waved it off.

"No, you did the right thing by not killing him. No matter what he has done… you shouldn't stoop to his level."

"What happened to the other two nerds?" I asked.

"In jail… armed robbery." Buffy answered. "Andrew escaped and went back to them. He really has a complex about that Warren guy. But Warren ditched them both when I caught up to the three of them last night."

"I'm not sure what to do about him if we can't kill him. He has too much stuff in his apartment to be caught by the SPD." I spoke with a note of defeat. "We will have to catch him when he comes to try and kill you. Hopefully he only brings the gun. If he comes during the day… I can't help you."

Buffy nodded with understanding. "I know. You've done enough."

All the Summers women left for work and school, leaving me to amble about their house for the day. I tried to get some shut eye, but slept very fitfully as I was consumed with worry. It grew dark and she still wasn't home, neither were Joyce and Dawn. They had made plans to go shopping after Dawn got off from school so that wasn't a surprise. But Buffy's last class was in mid afternoon.

As soon as the sun set I went out to find her. She wasn't on campus, or at Xander's, or at the Bronze, or at the Hospital. That left one place, the police station.

I walked in and found her speaking with an officer who looked grim. They were talking about a shooting that had occurred on campus.

"We're just glad you managed to get the gun out of his hand before he did anymore damage, Miss Summers." I picked up with my vampire hearing.

"Buffy! Thank goodness I found you. I was so worried!" I spoke loudly enough for everyone to hear.

The officer turned to look at me. "Is this your sister?" He asked in a whisper to Buffy, who shook her head no then reconsidered. "Sort of. Adopted."

I walked through the crowd to embrace her, and she hugged me back. I could smell the tears coming to her eyes. "I'm okay, I'm okay. Everything is fine." Buffy chanted as I rubbed her back.

I pulled away after a few minutes. "What happened?" I asked them both.

"Your sister stopped a suspect from killing students at her campus today. He is also pinned to an armed robbery from last night. She's a hero." The officer acknowledged.

I smiled proudly at Buffy. "I already knew that. She's always been a hero to me... Was she hurt?"

"She only got grazed by the bullet, which imbedded itself into a tree, and no one else got hurt." The officer assured me. "We were just asking your sister why the gunman might have wanted to target her."

"Have you seen her?" I spoke. "He must have been feeling rejected because she never acknowledged him or something. They call her Slayer sometimes because she slays so many boy's hearts. Was it that one who has been threatening you for awhile now, Buffy? He seemed unhinged enough to do something crazy like this."

"Who was threatening your sister?" The officer asked.

"Oh, Warren, Warren Mears? I think that was his name." I spoke with a note of uncertainty. "He said he stole a huge diamond just for her. He thinks he is a super villain or something… it's really sad."

Buffy nodded. "Yeah… that's him. I never expected he would take his obsession this far."

"I think that will be all for now Miss Summers. Try to go home and get some rest." The officer spoke kindly.


	13. Chapter 12

**Not Another Self Insert**

**Chapter 12**

**Blades**

* * *

_You've got a mouthful of diamonds_

_And a pocketful of secrets_

_I know you're never telling anyone_

_Because the patterns they control your mind_

_Those patterns take away my time_

_Hello, goodbye_

**Mouthful of Diamonds by Phantogram**

* * *

As I walked her home I had the unsettling feeling that we were being watched. But every time I turned to look there was no one there.

Joyce and Dawn were having an impromptu fashion show when we dragged ourselves into the house. Which immediately stopped as they saw the exhaustion on Buffy's face.

"Buffy! Are you okay?" Dawn screeched loudly enough to wake the dead. "You look… beat."

Buffy sighed, pulling up her shirt sleeve to show the bandages on her left arm. "I was shot at… they missed."

I left the Summer's house as they needed family time… and no matter what Buffy said… I wasn't really family. I prowled through the cemeteries, the ones that were more active, looking for a bite to eat. I took down a fledge with ease, straddling her as I fed from her until she was dust. As I was brushing off my jeans and shirt, I heard someone knock an arrow into a bow. I rolled out of the way as the arrow whizzed past where I had been moments before.

"You must be the assassin… or are you the rogue Slayer? Either way, there is no need for violence." I spoke from the cover of a headstone. I heard a distinctively masculine huff before I found myself face to face with my attacker. He held a tanto to my throat and looked me coldly in the eyes.

"Have you seen her?" He asked professionally, his dark irises indistinguishable from his pupils.

I remained still for just a moment, as if I was scared of his blade, before I knocked it out of his hand and tackled him to the ground. He was stronger than a human should be, but close up I still had the advantage. "No. Now what did I say about violence?"

He stabbed a push dagger into my ribs, it hurt like a bitch but wouldn't kill me. "I wasn't listening."

"Obviously," I spoke, headbutting him. I tore the dagger out and threw it into a bush. "I'm with the good guys, so stop trying to fill me with holes."

"You are a demon, are you not?" He asked, holding another tanto blade in a defensive position in front of him.

I laughed. "As Buffy would say… Duh! But I'm not a bad one. Listen. You weren't paid to kill me right? And I'm not directly impeding your goal… So why don't you just bugger off and let me kill some weak vampires in peace."

He didn't seem to like that idea and came at me with his blade. I rolled out of the way just in time, kicking his feet out from under him. He fell and rolled out of the way of a follow up attack, not that I made one.

"You are beginning to rile me up." I spoke, licking the blood off my hand. My wound was bleeding still, and would until I could stop moving for a minute or two.

The assassin smirked. It was the first expression he had made that wasn't cold professionalism. "Good."

We stared at each other a moment as he sized me up. "You aren't an ordinary vampire. I wonder if I should report you to the Council. What would they think of you, I wonder?"

I narrowed my eyes. "Are you trying to get me to kill you?"

He laughed, mockingly. "I'm trying to get you to try."

His straight black hair shined slightly blue in the moonlight. He was kind of pretty, for an assassin. "Can we not?" I sighed. "Right now I'm just tired and peckish. Not in the mood for a showdown."

He rushed at me again, and I blinded him with some dirt to the eyes. It was a cheap maneuver, but it allowed me to escape without having to kill or be killed.

Back in Restfield I opened the door to the crypt to see Spike and Dalton speaking worriedly. They smiled when they saw me, or at least Dalton did. Spike was too busy scowling. "Sorry, I couldn't stay away… it's too late now… I just came back from fighting the assassin."

"What?!" Spike yelled. "I can't believe this… Now what? You won't have a moment of rest, Cross… they'll be dogging your heels forever now. Why did you have to do something so… so-"

"Something like you?" I spoke pointedly.

"Well, yeah." He answered, the steam gone out of him.

"I, for one, am just glad to see you safe, Mistress." Dalton spoke loyally.

"Thank you, Dalton," I answered warmly. "I don't know… I think everything will work out just fine."

Spike snorted. "Since when were you an optimist?"

"Sometimes you have to have a little faith, Spike." I answered, settling into the squashy chair with Shalalala curling up on my lap. "I think the assassin has a sense of fairplay… or something approaching it anyway."

Dalton nodded enthusiastically, showing complete faith in me. Spike just sighed in resignation as he poured himself a glass of blood.

"Stop nodding like a ninny, you dolt. You're only agreeing with her because you owe her your unlife." Spike threw his cigarette to the floor of the mausoleum and stamped it out angrily with his boot. He then took a shot of cold blood and grimaced. "I see the soul doesn't make this swill taste any better."

I shrugged. "I don't see why you don't just eat a vampire."

Spike made a face at that. "That's cannibalism."

"As if it's any different than human blood… they just keep it on tap for me." I poked the cat's nose and she glared at me balefully.

Spike grumbled something about women or something equally derogatory and took off into the night.

"Mistress?" Dalton spoke with a tremor in his voice.

I looked over to him and he was holding a book on Slayers written by one that had been turned. She was still out there somewhere, but she wasn't like me… Again I marveled at how aberrant a being I was. "Go ahead."

"Master Spike may have been right to try to hide you… but not because of the assassin." Dalton handed me the book.

My eyes rapidly read the text on the page, eyes at first narrowed and then widening considerably. The Master's pet slayer spoke of a prophecy of three vampires of the line of Aurelius either bringing about the Apocalypse or stopping it… but only if all three had souls. From the way she wrote of it, it was something she feared either way. She knew of Angelus being cursed with a soul because she paid particular attention to him, as him and his progeny were the worst of the worst when it came to the vampires in the line of Aurelius. She noted him dropping off the face of the planet, but knew he couldn't be dust… Only one explanation, that he had been cursed with a soul. More worrisome was she wrote about me, as if she had been watching me.

"She suspects I'm the second… does she know about Spike?" I asked Dalton. "When was this published?"

"A few years ago… I don't know… it's possible she knows now."

I sighed. "On top of everything else… now we have to worry about this…"

"I apologise-"

"No, thank you for bringing it to my attention." I handed him the book back, tossing it carelessly over the chair, which made Dalton frown at me a tiny bit. Dalton fumbled whilst trying to catch the volume and dropped it on the stone floor.

I snickered as he glared at me behind his round rim eyeglasses. "Mistress, this is no laughing matter. It could have knocked over Master Spike's many candles and caught alight."

"I very much doubt that, Dalton. Doesn't sound like something that would happen so conveniently… Those kind of things only happen in stories." When next I looked at him his eyes were soft with memory. "What?"

He placed the book gently on his writing table. "Remember," He spoke in nothing more than a whisper, which was plain to my ears. "Remember the night you saved my unlife?"

I nodded, then caught myself being silly as he couldn't see me with his back turned as it was. "You had delivered everything, the Judge was assembled, but he didn't much like that you could recite to him the Odyssey, in the original greek."

Dalton snorted inelegantly, "How very human of me… for a vampire. That reading ability would be a deciding factor… You stopped him with your own hand-"

"But I didn't burn… why do you bring this up so suddenly?"

He turned to face me with eyes shining. He was always sensitive, and delicate like his books. "You didn't burn… the Judge failed to work on you. You tell me you were hidden from the eyes of the powers and other higher dimensional beings. All these things suggest to me an even higher power than the ones that it fooled. But who or what?"

The candles flickered in the tense silence. I had no answer, but it was enough for now that I knew the question. "I heard the voice of someone or something who might know… But I doubt I will get straight answers from it."

Dalton brought a hand down gently to my shoulder for a quick pat. "I trust you."

I nodded stiffly and wished him a good night before retiring to the bed I shared with Spike. He wouldn't return until dawn. He thought he hadn't woken me as he toed off his boots and climbed into bed with only his jeans still on. He leaned over me a moment and sighed my name and then, "Love you, pet. Sorry I was such a berk."

I kept pretending to be asleep, not even breathing as he stared at me a few seconds longer and then kissed my forehead. I didn't want to have to forgive him, even though I already had.

The next few nights were spent pouring over books, trying to find any reference at all to the mysterious voice who spoke to me in the alleyway outside the Magic Box. After reading through the majority of GIles' and my own cache of books, I was about ready to admit defeat. Even Giles himself had heard of nothing like that which I described.

I'd never really found myself at such a dead end before. My best option was to somehow speak with the voice from the alley way again, but how? I didn't know who or what it even was. It's been messing with my life for who knows how long and I didn't even have a name for it.

"Anya?" I asked the former vengeance demon, not really expecting much, "Do you know of anything more powerful than the Powers That Be?"

"Oh that's what you two have been looking for? Well, you won't find it in those books. There is the power of the wish, of course. Aside from that... You know how the old ones are trapped in the Deeper Well?"

Giles nodded with the understanding that I could not claim. "I would not think they would be more powerful than the PTB."

"Yes, and no. There is enough magic there to hide more than just one person from the PTB," Anya answered as the drawer of the register closed with a clink. "But you would need a lot of power to start with... It's guarded by demon soldiers on both ends."

"Just how deep is this well?" I exclaim. It can't possibly go through the center of the earth due to the molten core. Or maybe it can. What do I know?

"Roughly 8 thousand miles from one end in the Cotswolds to the other in New Zealand," Giles informed me, shattering everything I thought I knew about the planets core. "Surprised me too when I first learned of it."

"There's also the Seed." Anya offhandedly remarked. At both of our blank stares she continued, "The source of all magic in this dimension. You didn't know?"

I knew she would know more than she let on but I never expected she would have anything of use to my situation. "Well... No." Giles lamely answered.

"The Seed is in Sunnydale, isn't it?" I asked, although I already knew that it must be.

Anya nodded happily. "In the Hellmouth. Guarded by an army of the first vampires."

I growled in dissatisfaction. "Of course it is."

Giles looked at me with concern. "What are you thinking, Cross?"

"The Seed, the rogue slayer, and the entity are all in Sunnydale. Do you believe in coincidences, Watcher?" I stared at him intently. "There is one more thing... The Master made a slayer into a vampire too."

"Where did you get that information?" Giles enquired, adjusting the position of his glasses as he did so.

"Spike met her once. She's not particularly loyal to the Master, or she would have been here sooner to avenge his death. But she will be here... Once she knows about Spike's soul," I spoke softly as I continued staring Giles down, "Something about all this is beginning to feel like an external hand is moving us like chess pieces, you know? But I have no idea why, or to what purpose… that's scary to me."

Anya sat down beside me and offered me an encouraging smile. "This might cheer you up," She spoke as Xander entered the shop, announced by the jingle of the bell above the door. "We're engaged."

Xander turned bright red as everyone turned to look at him. But when no one made a big deal out of it he quickly glowed with happiness to be finally sharing the news. "I would have preferred telling everyone at once, Ahn. But- I guess this way is good too."

"Telling everyone what?" Buffy spoke, coming in through the training room entrance with my sire hot on her heels. "Is this a demon thing? Do we have another Big Bad in town?"

"No, pet. Demon Girl and the Whelp are getting hitched. I heard everything from the alley. Before you jump the gun, I wasn't spying. Vampire hearing doesn't come with an on-off switch." Spike placated, but Buffy didn't seem particularly phased. "Grats by the way."

"Thanks?" Xander said, unsure if he should be happy with the well wishes or not. By the look of his face, he was walking a tightrope on that decision.

Spike came quickly to my side, taking up a leisurely position against the ladder to the second story. Buffy gushed over the ring with Anya, happy to be doing something normal for once. "Saw your assassin by the way. Bloke nearly took my head off. Slayer blocked his blade with her stake."

"And you're welcome for that, Spike. But next time try not taunting him about how your baby vamp kicked his ass." Buffy sighed, done looking at the shiny rock.

"I didn't though. My rib still itches sometimes where he stuck me." I rubbed at the spot as if to illustrate my point.

"He got mad as hell when I mentioned you. Made him sloppy," Spike smiled with something akin to pride, "You must have really brassed him off when you escaped."

"I may have played a little dirty." I smirked at my own pun. "All's fair in love and war."

"Or minor skirmish in this case," Giles added.

I laughed, not because of what he said but rather the way he said it. "Now that's not very fair. I really feared for my life. And what greater war is there than one person's fight for existence?"

They all began to laugh at me before they remembered their own fight for their lives. No one said anything for a few minutes after that. The door burst open, startling Xander into letting out a very unmanly screech as he took a step back from the raven haired man in the doorway. He was different under fluorescent lighting, less deadly looking than under the light of the moon. Plus he wasn't trying to shoot me in the heart with an arrow. His eyes skipped past everyone else and landed on me. "So, the demon spoke some truth. She does work with the Slayer."

"Followed her here, did you?" I spoke, gesturing at Buffy.

He merely nodded, going past the tense Scoobies to whisper something to Giles. I caught it with my vampire hearing. "Still no sighting of the target."

Spike also narrowed his eyes at the assassin when he overheard what he said. We both had known why he was here, but Buffy and everyone else were still in the dark.

"Excuse me, but why are you here?" Buffy asked, catching on.

The assassin addressed Buffy professionally, "Council business. The Slayer need not get involved."

"I have a name." Buffy huffed, "Would it kill you to use it? Also, who are you?"

"Kurogane Kei," He spoke bowing imperceptibly, "As you wish, Buffy Summers."

His eyes darted to me once again, perhaps ill at ease with me in the room. I sighed and spoke, "Sorry about tossing dirt in your eyes. That is, I am sorry if you are done trying to kill me."

His head tilted slightly as he looked at me coolly. "I am. For now."

"Oh, no that's not going to work," I laughed, "Come on. Let's not fight."

"You are a strange vampire," He spoke with curiosity, "Why do you prey on other vampires?"

"Conscientious objection from taking human life," I smartly retorted, "And I just like to… something inside compels me."

The assassin nodded, apparently satisfied with my answer. "I see no reason to hunt you. The Council might disagree with my assessment. If that is the case, I will do as they say."

"In that case," I smiled, "Be prepared for me."

The Scoobies were looking between me and the assassin with confusion. Xander opened his mouth first, but Anya beat him to punch with a bluntly asked, "What's your opinion on former demons?"

"Neutral." The assassin spoke, only briefly glancing at Anya. "I've never heard of such an occurrence, but it doesn't seem to concern me."

"Good, it's good," Xander muttered, "Uh, to know you aren't here to do something the Slayer wouldn't like… Just being secretive. Like that one time they took aways her powers without telling her and let her face a psycho vampire who kidnapped her mom. Um, it's great that this time is nothing like that time. Really reassuring."

The assassin did not respond to that and simply left, the doorbell jingling ominously behind him.

After that was an uncomfortable silence where Buffy looked between Spike, Giles, and I with expectation. "You guys know something. You have guilty face. Spill."

Giles remained tight lipped, turning away to put some books back on the shelf. Spike stopped leaning against the ladder and spoke quietly to her, "Look, luv... It's not like I didn't want to tell you but... I just wanted to let the watchers deal with it-"

"Spike, if you don't start telling me what I want to know, soul or no soul, I will hit you." She crossed her arms and gave him her patented Summers' women glare.

"There's another Slayer. This one is actually alive and hidden in Sunnydale with a powerful witch on their side," Spike explained with his hands held in front of him, "The Council sent him," he nodded towards the closed door significantly, "to suss things out, pet."

"That guy? He seems like the stab first never ask any questions type. He's here to kill her, isn't he?" Buffy spoke confidently. "Well, what's the plan?"

"They want me to stop him, Buffy." I answered, "It'd really help if we could just find her before he does. If we can talk to her… find out why they are channeling the Hellmouth. Maybe we can persuade the Council into leniency."

"What do we know about her?" The Slayer was in full command mode now.

"She's probably related to a current or past Watcher. The two of them are most likely wealthy. I've narrowed it down to three likely candidates. Bernard Crowley, Rutherford Sirk, and Laura Kay Weathermill. All of them wealthy, all of them not currently employed by the Council for one reason or another. If any of them have any plans to use the Hellmouth for more than simple cloaking… They could be successful in causing the Apocalypse."


End file.
